1 Acronym for “lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer.” The “Q” can also stand for “questioning.” The “+” indicates the wide range of additional identities, including intersex, asexual, ally, pansexual, and many more.
Who’s Who
in this Book
Here are the people who you’ll meet in this book (in order of appearance). Some of the names and details have been changed to protect the privacy of the families.
Kids of Trans (a.k.a. People with Trans Parents)
Sharon S., New York, 36
Justin B., Tennessee, 37
Becca L., Massachusetts, 17
Jordan L., New York, 40
Jennifer R., New Hampshire, 20
Amy S., Ontario, Canada, 34
Jonathan W., New York, 42
Morgan G., California, 34
Even B., Norway, 45
Kara M., Wisconsin, 36
Olivia C., California, 31
Monica C., California, 38
Sarah W., Massachusetts, 36
Noelle H., New York, 47
Sandra P., Pennsylvania, 36
Leila R., Oregon, 8
Danielle C., Michigan, 33
Fiona B., Florida, 28
Christy P., Washington, 39
Riley P., New York, 26
Maya S., Minnesota, 8
Jeremy E., Pennsylvania, 7
Tom E., New Jersey, 14
Elsa M., Massachusetts, 54
Jay J., California, 9
Rachel M., Kansas, 23
Brian L., North Carolina, 32
Chelsea W., Nebraska, 31
Sadie P., Australia, 31
Kim A., California, 41
Amber K., Nebraska, 38
Hannah W., Washington, 34
Christina M., Arkansas, 43
Stacey W., Michigan, 57
Ann P., Utah, 32
Kids of Trans Quotes from COLAGE’s Kids of Trans Resource Guide2
Cameron V., 22
Jonathan F., 24
Colleen M., 44
Leslie Q., 24
Elizabeth M., 23
Kevin B., 7
Steve Vinay G., 48
Doug S., 29
Skyela H., 29
Trans Parents
Carson R., Oregon
Sam R., Oregon
Trish S., Michigan
KC, California
Paula W., Colorado
Lily E., Pennsylvania
Anna M., California
Jessica E., New Jersey
Kate S., California
Tricia W., Massachusetts
Stephanie W., Washington
2 These quotes were used with permission from COLAGE. Ages reflect the ages at the time of the publication of the Kids of Trans Resource Guide in 2008.
Chapter 1
First Steps
“Okay! Let’s go!”
That’s what Amy S. said to herself the first week she learned her parent was trans. She latched herself in for the ride. She didn’t know where they were going, but in that moment, she was all in.
Maybe you just found out that your parent is trans. Now what? Are you wondering how this will impact your life? What it will mean?
The change isn’t only happening for your parent. It’s happening for you, too. You might be filled with questions or a sense of relief—it all makes sense now! You might feel like this came out of nowhere.
Or maybe you’ve known for years. Maybe this is a part of your everyday life, but you’re making sense of where you fit into the story. Maybe you’re starting a new school, and you’re wondering how to tell your friends. Or maybe you’re wondering if there’s anyone out there with a family like yours.
What does it mean for you?
That’s what this book is about. You get to see what other people did and how it was for them. You get to see how having a trans parent, like any parent, is a zig-zag journey that’s all yours.
FINDING OUT YOUR PARENT IS TRANSGENDER
When I first learned that my dad is transgender, I was in fifth grade getting ready to switch to a new school. For the first time in nine years, my family was living together under the same roof. My dad lived on one side of the house and my mom, sister, and I on the other. I had just turned ten, and to me, all that mattered was that we were back together again as a family. My father’s hair had grown long, past her shoulders, but she still wore a button-down shirt and jeans. The skin on her face was smooth. She’d started electrolysis and hormones, but my sister and I didn’t know this.
The last time my dad dressed as a man was when she had to go to my old school to talk to the principal. My parents weren’t happy with the school, and wanted to pull me out and get a tuition refund. It worked. She put on this charcoal gray suit, pulled on a hat over her growing hair, and laced up her black dress shoes. She went to the school and the principal gave us a refund. My mom had tried to go alone, and they wouldn’t give it to her. The charcoal suit worked. Soon after that, my dad stopped dressing as a man entirely.
It happened overnight. One day, my dad had long loose curls almost down to her shoulders. The next day, a headband swept the curls back and smoothed them, and the skinny jeans were swapped for a long skirt. Just like that our family changed.
We didn’t sit down as a family to talk about the transition, but I remember the day I learned her new name. We were sitting in the kitchen when she told us. Her hair was swept back in a headband, and she wore a button-down shirt and a long skirt that covered her legs.
“Dana Victoria Brown” was the new name she gave herself. It sounded strange to me. The first name, I didn’t know what to do with. I’d never met anyone with that name. The middle name I recognized. There were girls in my class named Victoria, and also my aunt and a Queen of England. That part I liked. The third name was another one I didn’t know, a family name, but not mine. She would have a different last name now. “Okay,” I thought. It didn’t occur to me to protest or raise questions. The only thought I had was that I might forget her new name.
“What if we’re