If it is possible to obtain part-time work related to the young person’s interests, that’s ideal. Working part time in high school is one of the best predictors of long-term career success (Carter, Austin and Trainor 2012). Don’t be discouraged if finding paid employment is difficult though, as employers are often more amenable to offering young people with disabilities volunteer opportunities than paid work (an issue discussed further in Chapter 5).
If you didn’t start planning early in high school, don’t be too self-critical. Educators are partly responsible for helping with post-secondary transitions too, and it’s never too late to start the process. Just read on and start now!
Begin with goals related to the young person’s interests and ambitions. Youth are often willing to go outside their comfort zone to achieve these goals. In addition, try the following:
• Find an aspect of achieving your youth’s goal that you feel has value. For example, if your youth’s goal is to collect every video related to dinosaurs in a particular series in order to prepare for eventually becoming a paleontologist, which you are not sure is realistic, discuss what is needed to complete the collection. Perhaps some of the videos are only available in a store or library across town. Point out that you are too busy to drive across town, but would be willing to demonstrate how to use the bus. If your youth’s goal of completing the collection can support your goal of getting them to use public transit independently, you can work together with minimal frustration on both sides.
• Use modest, day-to-day goals to see if larger goals are feasible. Completing a collection or including a new activity in the daily routine may seem modest, but can help test the waters to see if larger goals are feasible for you and your child. In the previous example, a young person who cannot learn to use the bus is unlikely to manage a college program in paleontology, let alone flying to the Gobi Desert to dig for fossils. On the other hand, finishing the collection successfully might lead to a class presentation on paleontology, and subsequent work with a guidance counselor to plan for the academic prerequisites needed in that field. Small, modest steps allow people to show what they are capable of doing, and sometimes youth with ASD do surprisingly well when challenged in an area which fascinates them.
• Rather than stressing about the lofty goals of employment and further education, emphasize small goals which get the young person out of the house. Most autistic youth function best when they have one or more regular, daily activities away from home, and you may welcome the break from your autistic youth at this time too. The routine of getting out into the real world each day, whether for a job, volunteer work, or just a regular fitness or arts program helps with emotional stability for young people on the autism spectrum, and keeps them from spending too much time in their own minds. As most activities involve at least some social contact, socialization may improve as well.
• You, on the other hand, can use the time your son or daughter spends with others to pursue your own interests, enjoy time with your partner, or just fit in home maintenance and other necessary activities. When your youth returns, you will be less stressed than before and ready to deal with their needs again, whatever they may be. Parent–child relationships are often less strained when they are not continuous 24 hours a day.
• When setting goals, start with one or two rather than half a dozen. Every goal requires some deviation from daily routine, which requires a great deal of effort for autistic individuals. Tackling more than two goals at a time is usually overwhelming for them.
• It may be overwhelming for you too! As a parent, expect to be coach as well as cheerleader when it comes to new goals. Neurotypical young adults often do better with encouragement alone (i.e. cheerleading) as they may find specific suggestions intrusive or condescending. Young adults on the autism spectrum, however, may need specific guidance (i.e. coaching) even if their intelligence is in the normal range. Their fascination with objects or fantasies rather than people limits the ability to learn by observation. For example, when learning to bake a neurotypical youth may automatically grease the cookie sheet before putting dough on it based on observing a parent do this. By contrast, an autistic youth may need specific instructions to do so. Many apparently simple tasks must follow this model: spell out what is needed step by step, then patiently practice it together before expecting the young person to perform it independently. Most of us are too busy to engage in this process more than once or twice a day, hence the need to limit the number of concurrent goals.
Why not turn this over to a professional?
By the time your autistic youth approaches adulthood, you may be nearing exhaustion as a parent. It is tempting to turn further progress over to professionals. These might include educators, educational consultants, employment counselors, physicians, psychologists, social workers with autism expertise, or nurse practitioners focused on this population. This may make sense if: the relationship with your son or daughter is strained, especially when you encourage them to try something new; you are overwhelmed by the prospect of more work with them; they consistently withdraw when you try to set goals. In these situations, a professional may be able to engage with the young person on a more positive note than you can, eliciting at least some cooperation. A professional may also be able to help “sort the forest from the trees” and identify what really matters to the young person and to your family, both short term and long term.
Unfortunately, not everyone can afford to hire a professional, and some professionals are more helpful or more experienced with ASD than others. Even the best professionals are often limited in the scope of their activities. Commonly, for example, a professional may provide a consultation on the young person’s problems and make recommendations for addressing them, but without follow-up to ensure that the recommendations are implemented or are even feasible. Some professionals also limit their involvement to regular business hours, which is not helpful when young people who rely on them run into difficulty on weekends or after hours. Some autistic youth also respond better to familiar adults like parents than to unfamiliar adults, or take months before warming up to a new professional. For all of these reasons, parents who have a good relationship with their autistic youth and at least some energy to continue working with them should probably do so. Professionals can help from time to time but, to quote an old adage, ultimately “blood is thicker than water.”
Resistance and unrealistic goals
Many young people on the autism spectrum report having no particular goals. Though it is possible that this is true, more often the statements “I have no goals” or “Things are fine as they are” represent a fear of change. All but the most daring people fear diving into the unknown. People on the autism spectrum, however, are particularly attached to stable routines, making them more resistant to change than most. There is some debate as to whether this represents a personality style to be accommodated or an aspect of autism that requires medical or behavioral treatment. By young adulthood, it is usually a moot point: unlike children, young adults will not consent to treating something unless they consider it an illness or significant problem.
You will likely have to work around the young person’s fear of change. You may already have found ways of doing this when your child was younger. These are worth revisiting. Recognize, however, that the challenges of young adulthood may seem more daunting to your son or daughter than anything faced in the past. It is one thing to start a new grade and have to deal with new teachers and new courses; it is quite another to start a new job where the environment, the schedule, and the expectations may be changing as well as the people and the tasks involved.
Some ways of approaching this problem have already been mentioned: starting with something the young person values, breaking goals into small steps, tackling one or two goals at a time, coaching, and perhaps involving professionals. In addition, reviewing past successes with your youth may be helpful. Anxious youth, whether autistic or not, have a tendency to remember their failures more than their successes and therefore anticipate further disaster. Correct that perception with some realistic evidence of progress the young person has made over time. An overwhelming week does not negate all of the gains that have been