“Forgive you!” says he, bitterly. “Forgive you for dragging me down to the level of rogues and thieves, for making me party to this vile conspiracy of plunder. A conspiracy that, if it bring me not beneath the lash of Justice, must blast my name and fame for ever. You know not what you ask. As well might you bid me take you back to finish the night in drunken riot with those others of our gang.”
“Oh, no, not now! not now!” cries Moll, in agony. “Do but say that some day long hence, you will forgive me. Give me that hope, for I cannot live without it.”
“That hope’s my fear!” says he. “I have known men who, by mere contact with depravity, have so dulled their sense of shame that they could make light of sins that once appalled them. Who knows but that one day I may forgive you, chat easily upon this villany, maybe, regret I went no further in it.”
“Oh, God forbid that shall be of my doing!” cries Moll, springing to her feet. “Broken as I am, I’ll not accept forgiveness on such terms. Think you I’m like those plague-stricken wretches who, of wanton wickedness, ran from their beds to infect the clean with their foul ill? Not I.”
“I spoke in heat,” says Mr. Godwin, quickly. “I repent even now what I said.”
“Am I so steeped in infamy,” continues she, “that I am past all cure? Think,” adds she, piteously, “I am not eighteen yet. I was but a child a year ago, with no more judgment of right and wrong than a savage creature. Until I loved you, I think I scarcely knew the meaning of conscience. The knowledge came when I yearned to keep no secret from you. I do remember the first struggle to do right. ’Twas on the little bridge; and there I balanced awhile, ’twixt cheating you and robbing myself. And then, for fear you would not marry me, I dared not own the truth. Oh, had I thought you’d only keep me for your mistress, I’d have told you I was not your cousin. Little as this is, there’s surely hope in’t. Is it more impossible that you, a strong man, should lift me, than that I, a weak girl—no more than that—should drag you down?”
“I did not weigh my words.”
“Yet, they were true,” says she. “’Tis bred in my body—part of my nature, this spirit of evil, and ’twill exist as long as I. For, even now, I do feel that I would do this wickedness again, and worse, to win you once more.”
“My poor wife,” says he, touched with pity; and holding forth his arms, she goes to them and lays her cheek against his breast, and there stands crying very silently with mingled thoughts—now of the room she had prepared with such delight against his return, of her little table in the corner, with the chiney image atop, and other trifles with which she had dreamed to give him pleasure—all lost! No more would she sit by his side there watching, with wonder and pride, the growth of beauty ’neath his dexterous hand; and then she feels that ’tis compassion, not love, that hath opened his arms to her, that she hath killed his respect for her, and with it his love. And so, stifling the sobs that rise in her throat, she weeps on, till her tears trickling from her cheek fall upon his hand.
The icy barrier of resentment is melted by the first warm tear—this silent testimony of her smothered grief—and bursting from the bonds of reason, he yields to the passionate impulse of his heart, and clasping this poor sorrowing wife to his breast, he seeks to kiss away the tears from her cheek, and soothe her with gentle words. She responds to his passion, kiss for kiss, as she clasps her hands about his head; but still her tears flow on, for with her readier wit she perceives that this is but the transport of passion on his side, and not the untaxed outcome of enduring love, proving again the truth of his unmeditated prophecy; for how can he stand who yields so quickly to the first assault, and if he cannot stand, how can he raise her? Surely and more surely, little by little, they must sink together to some lower depth, and one day, thinks she, repeating his words, “We may chat easily upon this villany and regret we went no further in it.”
Mr. Godwin leads her to the adjoining chamber, which had been his, and says:
“Lie down, love. Tomorrow we shall see things clearer, and think more reasonably.”
“Yes,” says she, in return, “more reasonably,” and with that she does his bidding; and he returns to sit before the embers and meditate. And here he stays, striving in vain to bring the tumult of his thoughts to some coherent shape, until from sheer exhaustion he falls into a kind of lethargy of sleep.
Meanwhile, Moll, lying in the dark, had been thinking also, but (as women will at such times) with clearer perception, so that her ideas forming in logical sequence, and growing more clear and decisive (as an argument becomes more lively and conclusive by successful reasoning) served to stimulate her intellect and excite her activity. And the end of it was that she rose quickly from her bed and looked into the next room, where she saw her husband sitting, with his chin upon his breast and his hands folded upon his knee before the dead fire. Then wrapping his cloak about her, she steals toward the outer door; but passing him she must needs pause at his back to staunch her tears a moment, and look down upon him for the last time. The light shines in his brown hair, and she bending down till her lips touch a stray curl, they part silently, and she breathes upon him from her very soul, a mute “Fare thee well, dear love.”
But she will wait no longer, fearing her courage may give way, and the next minute she is out in the night, softly drawing the door to that separates these two for ever.
CHAPTER XXXII.
How we fought a most bloody battle with Simon, the constable, and others.
For some time we spoke never a word, Dawson and I—he with his head lying on his arm, I seated in a chair with my hands hanging down by my side, quite stunned by the blow that had fallen upon us. At length, raising his head, his eyes puffed, and his face bedaubed with tears, he says:
“Han’t you a word of comfort, Kit, for a broken-hearted man?”
I stammered a few words that had more sound than sense; but indeed I needed consolation myself, seeing my own responsibility for bringing this misfortune upon Moll, and being most heartily ashamed of my roguery now ’twas discovered.
“You don’t think he’ll be too hard on poor Moll, tell me that, Kit?”
“Aye, he’ll forgive her,” says I, “sooner than us, or we ourselves.”
“And you don’t think he’ll be for ever a-casting it in her teeth that her father’s a—a drunken vagabond, eh?”
“Nay; I believe he is too good a man for that.”
“Then,” says he, standing up, “I’ll go and tell him the whole story, and you shall come with me to bear me out.”
“Tomorrow will be time enough,” says I, flinching from this office; “’tis late now.”
“No matter for that. Time enough to sleep when we’ve settled this business. We’ll not leave poor Moll to bear all the punishment of our getting. Mr. Godwin shall know what an innocent, simple child she was when we pushed her into this knavery, and how we dared not tell her of our purpose lest she should draw back. He shall know how she was ever an obedient, docile, artless girl, yielding always to my guidance; and you can stretch a point, Kit, to say you have ever known me for a headstrong, masterful sort of a fellow, who would take denial from none, but must have my own way in all things. I’ll take all the blame on my own shoulders, as I should have done at first, but I was so staggered by this fall.”
“Well,” says I, “if you will have it so—”
“I will,” says he, stoutly. “And now give me a bucket of water that I may souse my head, and wear a brave look. I would have him think the worst of me that he may feel the kinder to poor Moll. And I’ll make what atonement I can,” adds he, as I led him into my bed-chamber. “If he desire it, I will promise never to see Moll again; nay, I will offer to take the king’s bounty, and go a-sailoring; and so, betwixt sickness and the Dutch, there’ll be an end of Jack Dawson in a very short space.”
When