Toe Jamm'd. Susan Berran. Читать онлайн. Newlib. NEWLIB.NET

Автор: Susan Berran
Издательство: Ingram
Серия: The Freaky Series
Жанр произведения: Учебная литература
Год издания: 0
isbn: 9780987295927
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flicking off the switch and being plunged into darkness.

      I waited and waited … then, there it was, the sound of Mum’s favourite TV show starting.

      Crackle … she opens the bag of chips, Ffsssssss … that’s the can of drink, and up goes the volume.

       Torch, on!

      

      Sitting on the edge of my bed wearing nothing but undies, I rested the torch on my pillow. Taking careful aim, I shone the light beam right between my toes. Then pulling my knee up to my chin and grabbing hold of one toe with each hand, I yanked the first two apart … crack!

      Bits of fluffy dung were flung and flicked into the air right across the room. Flipper, my gold fish, started head-butting the sides of his bowl as the water turned a sewage-brown from bits of toe-jam landing in it. With my middle finger, I dug out the first HUGE dob of toe-jam and wiped it onto the bed sheets beside me. WOW, there was heaps, excellent! I moved along my foot, digging buckets of CRUD from between my toes. Occasionally I stopped to hold up a finger loaded with the toe-jam close to my face … turning it … studying it … smelling it. I was trying to see just how much of the crud was animal hair, carpet fluff, slug-slime, or just mould. Most of it seemed to be just good old green festering great quality mould. Cool! It was even better quality than I’d hoped for. Some of it was really stuck though. I had to use the handle of Miss Melly Prissy Pant’s toothbrush to push it out. Then the bristle end to really get into all the wrinkles and get every last little bit that I could.

      By the time both feet were done, I had a blob of toe-jam the size of my fist. I couldn’t wait to tell Jared at school, he’d be so jealous.

      Holding up the clump of toe-jam, I patted it gently. This would be the best show and tell at school, ever!

      So into the shoe box it went.

      I lay down and flicked off the torch. But how could I sleep now? I kept imagining show and tell at school. The girls would be screaming in HORROR, “Eeeewwwww … boys are so disgusting.” Some might faint, if I’m lucky. And for the ultimate top marks, hopefully one or two might even hurl.

      It was going to be great.

      I tossed and turned for ages trying to get to sleep.

      Damn … there was an annoying itch right inside my ear. I shoved my little finger as far as I could down there and gave it a little twist … THOOP!!

      Using the torch, I could see a nice size glob of ear wax sitting on the end of my pinkie. It was sort of greeny-yellowy and the ideal addition to my blob of toe-jam. As I scraped it onto the top, I decided I may as well check the other ear … THOOP!! Out came another even bigger ball of wax.

      This had to be the world’s champion of toe-jam balls, topped off with a crown of shiny, thick, ear wax.

      It felt like hours trying to get to sleep because I was so HAPPY and EXCITED. And all through that night I had the most absolutely wonderful dreams.

      There I was, holding a huge golden cup above my head. And poking out from the cup was my ball of toe-jam. Mum and the teachers were cheering, bands played, everyone was applauding and it was raining streamers and balloons.

      Jared was bawling his eyes out and holding a crappy green third place ribbon stuck to a ball of toe-jam about the size of a marble. Best of all, the girls were screaming and chucking their guts up and then fainting. People were fighting each other to get a closer look at my incredibly spectacular FUZZY BALL.

      My toe-jam was the size of a bowling ball and getting bigger and bigger by the minute. Trophies surrounded me:

      It didn’t get any better than this.

      I was so happy.

      

      I woke up the next morning in a bath of sweat, feeling like I’d run a twenty-kilometre marathon dressed in an oven. Chucking on my school uniform for the last day before the holidays started, I dashed out to the kitchen, grabbed some toast and FLEW out the door.

      Oh NO! My toe-jam, I forgot it! Racing back into my room, I snatched up the shoe box, shoved it up my shirt front and headed out the door to school.

      “Jared, check this out,” I said with a huge grin as I caught up to him on my bike and handed over the box.

      Jared looked over at me sarcastically … So?

      “Look in the box, drop-kick,” I said.

       I did, so what?

      “It’s only the world’s biggest toe-jam ball topped with ear wax, that’s all,” I replied annoyingly. I couldn’t believe he wasn’t totally jealous and gasping in awe. “There’s nothing in there you idiot,” he said as he tossed the box back at me. “What!!”

      I hit the brakes HARD and just about flew headfirst over the handle bars. Dirt and gravel sprayed up from the tyres, hitting Jared like hundreds of tiny darts.

      My toe-jam ball! Where was it?

      The rest of the day at school I was totally annoyed. I couldn’t concentrate or sleep; which I quite often did, especially during maths. I couldn’t believe it, where could it have gone?

      I spent the rest of the day trying to convince Jared that I really did have the world’s biggest toe-jam ball. Then, like a lightning bolt it HIT me. Mum … it had to be, there was no one else that could have taken it. She must have come into my room at some time through the night and discovered my toe-jam ball.

      Typical! Just like a mother. Sneaking into your one private area. The only place where you can keep spare pizza in your undies’ drawer for those emergency midnight snacks. The only place you can sniff your undies and socks to see how many times you’ve worn them before shoving them back into the drawer to hide the pizza.

      She’d probably have thrown my toe-jam ball into the bin by now. How could she!? After all, it was my toe-jam, not hers. Whatever happened to a little privacy?

      I was so ANGRY, that when school was over that afternoon, I leapt onto my bike and ZOOMED off. Sprinting all the way home.

      Without even waiting for Jared.

      Skidding in the dirt, I half-fell and half-threw my bike down at the front door. The handlebar twisted and smashed to the ground. I stomped up the steps and slammed open the front door, flinging my backpack to the floor, all in one angry movement. I stomped up the hallway with gritted teeth. The anger that had been building all day was ready to flow forth, erupting and vomiting out all over Mum.

      There she was, just sitting in the lounge room, the toe-jam WRECKER! With that innocent smile that only a mum can give. “Mum!!” I began, as I thrust forward my empty shoe box …

      “Where’s