The Essential Jeffrey Farnol Collection. Jeffrey Farnol. Читать онлайн. Newlib. NEWLIB.NET

Автор: Jeffrey Farnol
Издательство: Ingram
Серия:
Жанр произведения: Контркультура
Год издания: 0
isbn: 9781456613655
Скачать книгу
Handsome, sir? handsome, sir, as--as--oh, dammit, words fail me; but go, sir, go and ransack Olympus, and you couldn't match her, 'pon my soul! Diana, sir? Diana was a frump! Venus? Venus was a dowdy hoyden, by George! and as for the ox-eyed Juno, she was a positive cow to this young beauty! And then--her heart, sir!"

      "Well, what of it?" inquired Barnabas, rather sharply.

      "Utterly devoted--beats only for my friend--"

      "You mean her brother?"

      "I mean her brother, yes, sir; though I have heard a rumor that Sir Mortimer Carnaby--"

      "Pooh!" said Barnabas.

      "With pleasure, sir; but the fact remains that it was partly on his account, and partly because of another, that she was dragged away from London--"

      "What other?"

      "Well, let us say--H.R.H."

      "Sir," inquired Barnabas, frowning, "do you mean the Prince?"

      "Sir," said Mr. Smivvle, with a smiling shake of the head, "I prefer the letters H.R.H. Anyhow, there were many rumors afloat at the time, and her guardian--a regular, tarry old sea dog, by George--drags her away from her brother's side, and buries her in the country, like the one-armed old pirate he is, eye to her money they tell me; regular old skinflint; bad as a Jew--damn him! But speaking of the race, sir, do you happen to--know anything?"

      "I know that it is to be run on the fifteenth of July," said Barnabas abstractedly.

      "Oh, very good!" exclaimed Mr. Smivvle--"ha! ha!--excellent! knows it is to be run on the fifteenth; very facetious, curse me! But, joking apart, sir, have you any private knowledge? The Viscount, now, did he happen to tell you anything that--"

      But, at this juncture, they were interrupted by a sudden tumult in the yard outside, a hubbub of shouts, the ring and stamp of hoofs, and, thereafter, a solitary voice upraised in oaths and curses. Barnabas sprang to his feet, and hurrying out into the yard, beheld a powerful black horse that reared and plunged in the grip of two struggling grooms; in an adjacent corner was the late rider, who sat upon a pile of stable-sweepings and swore, while, near by, perched precariously upon an upturned bucket, his slim legs stretched out before him, was a young exquisite--a Corinthian from top to toe--who rocked with laughter, yet was careful to keep his head rigid, so as to avoid crushing his cravat, a thing of wonder which immediately arrested the attention of Barnabas, because of its prodigious height, and the artful arrangement of its voluminous folds.

      "Oh, dooce take me," he exclaimed in a faint voice, clapping a hand to his side, "I'll be shot if I saw anything neater, no, not even at Sadler's Wells! Captain Slingsby of the Guards in his famous double somersault! Oh, damme, Sling! I'd give a hundred guineas to see you do it again--I would, dooce take me!"

      But Captain Slingsby continued to shake his fist at the great, black horse, and to swear with unabated fervor.

      "You black devil!" he exclaimed, "you four-legged imp of Satan! So, you're up to your tricks again, are you? Well, this is the last chance you shall have to break my neck, b'gad! I'm done with you for a--"

      Here the Captain became extremely fluent, and redder of face than ever, as he poured forth a minute description of the animal; he cursed him from muzzle to crupper and back again; he damned his eyes, he damned his legs, individually and collectively, and reviled him, through sire and dam, back to the Flood.

      Meanwhile Barnabas turned from raging Two-legs to superbly wrathful Four-legs; viewed him from sweeping tail to lofty crest; observed his rolling eye and quivering nostril; took careful heed of his broad chest, slender legs, and powerful, sloping haunches with keen, appraising eyes, that were the eyes of knowledge and immediate desire. And so, from disdainful Four-legs he turned back to ruffled Two-legs, who, having pretty well sworn himself out by this time, rose gingerly to his feet, felt an elbow with gentle inquiry, tenderly rubbed a muddied knee, and limped out from the corner.

      Now, standing somewhat apart, was a broad-shouldered man, a rough-looking customer in threadbare clothes, whose dusty boots spoke of travel. He was an elderly man, for the hair, beneath the battered hat, was gray, and he leaned wearily upon a short stick. Very still he stood, and Barnabas noticed that he kept his gaze bent ever upon the horse; nor did he look away even when the Captain began to speak again.

      "B'gad!" exclaimed the Captain, "I'll sell the brute to the highest bidder. You, Jerningham, you seem devilish amused, b'gad! If you think you can back him he's yours for what you like. Come, what's the word?"

      "Emphatically no, my dear, good Sling," laughed the young Corinthian, shaking his curly head. "I don't mean to risk this most precious neck of mine until the fifteenth, dear fellow, dooce take me if I do!"

      "Why then, b'gad! I'll sell him to any one fool enough to bid. Come now," cried the Captain, glancing round the yard, "who'll buy him? B'gad! who'll give ten pounds for an accursed brute that nobody can possibly ride?"

      "I will!" said Barnabas.

      "Fifteen, sir!" cried the shabby man on the instant, with his gaze still on the horse.

      "Twenty!" said Barnabas, like an echo.

      "Twenty-five, sir!" retorted the shabby man.

      "Hey?" cried the Captain, staring from one to the other. "What's all this? B'gad! I say stop a bit--wait a minute! Bob, lend me your bucket."

      Hereupon the Corinthian obligingly vacating that article. Captain Slingsby incontinent stood upon it, and from that altitude began to harangue the yard, flourishing his whip after the manner of an auctioneer's hammer.

      "Now here you are, gentlemen!" he cried. "I offer you a devilishly ugly, damnably vicious brute, b'gad! I offer you a four-legged demon, an accursed beast that nobody can ever hope to ride--a regular terror, curse me! Killed one groom already, will probably kill another. Now, what is your price for this lady's pet? Look him over and bid accordingly."

      "Twenty-five pound, sir," said the shabby man.

      "Thirty!" said Barnabas.

      "Thirty-one, sir."

      "Fifty!" said Barnabas.

      "Fifty!" cried the Captain, flourishing his whip. "Fifty pounds from the gentleman in the neckcloth--fifty's the figure. Any more? Any advance on fifty? What, all done! Won't any one go another pound for a beast fit only for the knacker's yard? Oh, Gad, gentlemen, why this reticence? Are you all done?"

      "I can't go no higher, sir," said the shabby man, shaking his gray head sadly.

      "Then going at fifty--at fifty! Going! Going! Gone, b'gad! Sold to the knowing young cove in the neckcloth."

      Now, at the repetition of this word, Barnabas began to frown.

      "And b'gad!" exclaimed the Captain, stepping down from the bucket, "a devilish bad bargain he's got, too."

      "That, sir, remains to be seen," said Barnabas, shortly.

      "Why, what do you mean to do with the brute?"

      "Ride him."

      "Do you, b'gad?"

      "I do."

      "Lay you ten guineas you don't sit him ten minutes."

      "Done!" said Barnabas, buttoning up his coat.

      But now, glancing round, he saw that the shabby man had turned away, and was trudging