Everyday Narcissism. Nancy Van Dyken

everyone else wants us to do or be—or, at least, what we think they want us to do or be.

       • This focus requires us to discount ourselves and deny our own truth—day by day, moment after moment, over and over. This takes away much of our freedom and energy. It deprives us of the joy of exploring, searching, challenging, adventuring, and discovering ourselves. It undermines our self-esteem and self-confidence.

       • We yearn for genuine connections with other people, yet we may not know how to create such connections. We only know how to create inauthentic ones, by reaching out from one false self to another.

       • Or, perhaps, we do know how to create these connections—yet we don’t dare attempt them. We’re terrified that if we do show people our real self, they will reject us and turn away in disgust. We fear that we will then lose what little, limited, inauthentic connection we had with them.

       • Or, maybe we’ve never been fortunate enough to have ever experienced an authentic connection with another human being. We may not know what such a connection looks or feels like. We may not even realize that such a relationship is possible.

       • Or, we may think the paltry connections that false selves have with one another are intimacy, and they are the best we can offer one another.

       • Yet, at the same time, something inside us tells us that all of this isn’t enough. Although we may not be able to put words to the feeling, we yearn for something more, something real, something authentic.

       • We are exhausted from our attempts to maintain the lies we live by.

      The Need to Belong