Start With the Heart. Michelle L. Trujillo

we continue to hear in the world of education today, but it is important and, thus, should be put into context. We must connect kinesthetically. I realize that, as educators, we are directed continually not to touch kids, especially in the realm of special education. Obviously, as professionals, we must respect rules that protect our students, as well their needs for personal space. Furthermore, there may be people with whom we interact in the workplace or community who for religious, cultural, or experiential reasons react negatively to physical touch, and we must respect this response. In this case, if actual touch is out of the question, then use proximity. Touch something that the person you are relating to is also touching, like a desk or chair, anything to demonstrate that connection is important.

      At the same time, in most cases, a hand shake, high five, a fist bump, or some type of appropriate touch as a greeting or celebration will help you to connect. If every teacher took an extra five minutes to personally greet each student as he or she entered through the classroom doorway with a smile and perhaps a fist bump, it might save instructional time, because the students would feel acknowledged and cared about daily! Many of the classroom management issues teachers deal with on a regular basis have to do with a need for attention. Some students have not received a great deal of positive attention in their lives and therefore will act out negatively with the hope of being noticed. However, if these students are recognized positively at the beginning of every day or class period, you likely can minimize student discipline issues within the classroom, because the students are receiving positive attention immediately.

      We are making an important connection when we make contact at the doorway, using this time as an opportunity to smile, look each student in the eye, and perhaps share a quick personal greeting. This effort will start the class period on a positive and encouraging note. It will also allow us to notice if a particular student seems down-and-out sad, ready-to-blow angry, or can’t-stay-seated restless, giving us valuable information before proceeding with our interactions and instruction for the day.

      Find Something, One Thing, You Can Believe In

      Key 7: Finally, we must believe in our students, as well as our colleagues, intentionally. Intentionality is essential, because often the people with whom we are attempting to connect may not believe in themselves. Find something, one thing, you can believe in about them, and this will help you to connect because, ultimately, it may lead them to believe in themselves, too. As an administrator who worked in alternative education, I interacted with a majority of students who had not been successful in their previous schools. In their own minds, for whatever reason, they saw themselves as failures. So, when our students would say, “I can’t,” or “There’s no way,” or “You just don’t understand,” my staff and I would find something that we could believe in for them. Even if it was initially difficult to come up with a strength, we would take a dominant behavior trait and turn it into something positive. Their stubbornness, for example, we saw as determination, or their anger, as passion. For example, a student who was always arguing to get his point across, would elicit this type of response from a teacher: “Johnny, I love your perseverance. You know what you want and that quality will take you far in life. However, we need to work together on fighting for what you want in a respectful way.” When we let our students know that we saw a strength within them, we connect with a small piece of them they didn’t even realize existed. Whatever it was we found to believe in, my staff and I would tell our kids, “We believe in you, regardless! So, grab on to our belief, until you can begin to believe in yourself.” And, eventually, they did!

      I Didn’t Know I Was Smart

      I remember one student in particular, McKayla, an incredibly special young woman. She came to us as at the beginning of her senior year in high school. She had been homeless and had difficulty fitting in at the traditional high school. She was certain that she would not graduate unless she changed schools. From the moment she stepped on our campus, she worked diligently and kept her eye on graduation. And it paid off. As the year drew to a close, McKayla’s name rose to the top of the list as the graduating class’s valedictorian. I remember calling her into my office with another staff member who was a mentor to her. I was so excited to surprise her with the news and expected her to jump up and down with joy. Instead, she covered her face with her hands as tears rolled down her cheeks. Then she looked at us silently for a moment, her face red and filled with disbelief. She said, “I didn’t know I was smart.” Our response in unison was, “We did!” We all laughed and celebrated together, and McKayla finally believed.

      There may be adults in our lives, too—colleagues, employees, or employers—who struggle with their confidence or sense of self. Paying someone a compliment or verbally recognizing a positive behavior or trait will help a person begin to acknowledge his or her own worth and feel valued by others. It will also open the door to positive communication and genuine connection.

      Please take time to consider the 7 Keys to Connection and acknowledge at least one way in which you will make a concerted effort to connect with others in a meaningful way.

      The 7 Keys to Connection

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       With colleagues:

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       With friends or family:

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       With acquaintances or strangers:

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       Available for download at resources.corwin.com/StartWithTheHeart

      Copyright © 2019 by Corwin. All rights reserved. Reprinted from Start With the Heart: Igniting Hope in Schools Through Social and Emotional Learning by Michelle L. Trujillo. Thousand Oaks, CA: Corwin, www.corwin.com. Reproduction authorized for educational use by educators, local school sites, and/or noncommercial or nonprofit entities that have purchased the book.

      When