Money, Manifestation & Miracles. Meriflor Toneatto

distractions? Does it provide a means of interacting with others and the world at large? Does it enhance your self-confidence and image? Does it provide an endorphin high, a form of self-soothing? Or do spending sprees, like various addictive behaviors, produce a remorseful low? The fact is, shopping can be a way to compensate for feeling unappreciated, devalued, or neglected. It can be an expensive way to fill a void in our lives. Driven by these emotions, shoppers can often be driven to compulsively overspend.

      While consumerism is widespread in our culture, there is also a shift toward less consumption, in part to help protect the environment and in part due to the recognition that human connections are a more important part of leading a fulfilled life than material things.

      JANET’S STORY

      Janet admitted that she was a compulsive shopper. She loved to buy luxurious gifts for herself and her loved ones. After all, she was making a good income, so she could indulge herself. Her husband, Joe, disapproved of her spending habits and tried to curtail them.

      Janet had a way of hiding her purchases and would tell her husband that the items she purchased were on sale, even if that was not the case. The problem was that her spending was getting out of control. She was simply spending more than she was making — plus, her credit card debt was ballooning.

      As we worked together, Janet admitted she was not being honest about money with herself or her husband. She also uncovered the real reason for her compulsive spending. At the core, she was unhappy and experiencing midlife blues. Janet regretted that she had never made time to have children. She also resented working long hours in her business because it was consuming her life and affecting her health and well-being. Janet also took exception to the fact that despite her working overtime, her hard work did not seem to be making any difference because for the past three years she had not been able to break into six figures. This insight was the catalyst that enabled Janet to come to terms with her anger toward herself.

      Janet resolved to take three necessary actions to change her relationship with money. First, she had an honest conversation with her husband about the state of her finances and the root cause of her behavior and sadness. The conversation she most dreaded turned out to be a blessing, bringing her and Joe much closer together. Second, since Janet felt loved and supported, she took another big step to create and follow an action plan to pay off her debts and curb her spending.

      The third action, and perhaps the most critical one, was that Janet shifted her view of her finances, seeing them not as a source of shame but as a tool for personal growth. This shift freed up her energy to focus positively on her work. She began to love her business again, which put her on the path to breaking into the six-figure mark within ten months — much sooner than she had anticipated.

      Reforming Societal Messages

      Our conditioning as women regarding money is also formed by the messages we receive from our patriarchal society, the media, advertising, and even fairy tales. Think about stories such as “Cinderella,” “Sleeping Beauty,” “Snow White,” and “Rapunzel,” which have repeatedly been used as a formula in novels and Hollywood romantic movies. These folk tales’ basic premise is that somewhere out there is a prince who will one day come to take the maiden away from all her troubles, bestowing the riches, love, and security that have been missing from her life. The message is that these women can rely on certain attributes — beauty, charm, and kind hearts — to find their Prince Charming but not on their intelligence, ambition, and talents. For generations, these messages have served to ingrain in girls the belief that they are not capable of earning their own living and of managing money.

      On some unconscious (or maybe not so unconscious) level, many women have identified with the message that someone will come and rescue them from having to learn how to take care of themselves and their finances. This leaves women vulnerable and disempowered. This patriarchal message plays on women’s psyches, especially since feeling safe is very important to girls and women. In fact, separating money and security is difficult, since they are bound together in women’s minds. For women this can lead to staying in relationships that are not good or healthy for them, as they trade their freedom for the sense of safety. Women may put up with their partner’s infidelity or drinking problem or even abusive treatment for the sake of perceived security.

      The “money = security” message came from a time when women who were married were more secure than those who were single. This idea can also spill over into our businesses and careers, causing women to stay in unhealthy work situations for the same reason — wanting to have security. Of course, true security comes from knowing who you are and what is most important to you. Inner security is your true source of strength.

      JASMINE’S STORY