• Tap the core.
Once you demonstrate your understanding of their concerns, they’re listening. Next, quickly move on to finding their pliable center of optimism—way beneath that exterior crust of negativity. You can get there by addressing, mapping and showing them possibility, and watching how they respond. When you touch on parts they care about, you’ll see signs3. More on how to accurately show them the right possibility in the next chapter.
• Prove it.
As you take steps toward what’s possible, keep calling it out. Their voice will want to dismiss forward steps as lucky or some other fluke. Fortunately, you’ll be there as the coach on the sidelines to confirm, “There it is! This can be done! We’re on our way.”
Notes:
“It’s the question in everyone’s head, all the time…”
The Ever-present Guide
What if you could actually get people hooked and psyched with your idea, your request, your viewpoint every time? Even that skeptic?
Completely possible.
We’ve already established that everyone’s got that little voice in our heads. So let’s get a handle on how to get those voices on your side, and keep them engaged. For the folks you’d like to influence, their internal voices could be speaking much louder inside their heads than you are on the outside. Sorry, it’s not personal. That voice has the advantage of residency in there a lot longer than you have. Fortunately, there’s a shortcut to get the little voice/s all in, ready to go with you.
Influence
That voice questions authority, and cautions us before we do something. It’s also the determining voice that tells us to make the next move, or don’t. Thousands of times every day, we’re making decisions forward from one thing to the next, one step at a time, so quickly that we don’t even notice all of them. Most of the time that voice is quietly piloting us in our seamless movement throughout the day, but sometimes it gets challenged, and pauses us. It pipes up in our head and asks the question: “Why should I do this?”
Put another way, it considers a next move or a request/directive from outside (i.e., another person) and goes right to the heart of it: “What’s In It For Me?”
Bingo. WIIFM. That’s the big question, and hugely important before your next interaction with someone. Why?
Because…
WIIFM is the question in everyone’s head, all the time.
It’s not always in an entitled you-need-to-give-me-something voice (but sometimes it is). More often it’s in an I-need-a-compelling-reason voice. Reason to change position, to do something different from what I already planned, to listen to what you have to say. Those thousands of micro-decisions we make all day come from this question too—there’s something in it for us to make the next move, so we make it. Not everyone’s WIIFM question is as brash or loud as mine was/is, but make no mistake—it’s always there behind that squint in their eye.
In fact, it was likely there for you as you started this book…“Okay, what am I going to get out of this? What’s in it for me to go through this whole book and do the things that Sarah challenges me to do?” If you don’t have those answers yet, you probably skipped the Intro chapter, so just pop back to page 1. If that doesn’t do it, email or call me. Yes, I’m serious.
Going forward, the bigger question is: How are you utilizing the little voice or answering the WIIFM in other people’s heads as you approach and lead them?
Because we know from our own experience that the voice in their heads has more leverage than you do on the outside, WIIFM has to get answered or you’re wasting your breath. You can use it to your advantage to make communication smoother, points stickier (as in sticks in their heads longer), agreement happen faster, and learning more engaging (like they get it the first time, so no need for several more asks).
Answer the WIIFM, and you’re in.
For many leaders, this is one of the hardest concepts to get their heads around, but ultimately one of the biggest game-changers. Often at this point I hear the following: “What’s in it for them is to get to keep doing their job.” or “But I don’t really care what’s in it for them—that’s their issue. It’s their job to do what I said, and I shouldn’t have to sell them on it.”
Yes, if they work for you, it is their job to technically do what you say. And yet, human motivation is a lot more complex than that. If you don’t give them a WIIFM, it doesn’t mean they won’t do what you say. It just might take a lot longer to get done, the quality of what they produce won’t be as great, you might need to re-explain it before they start it, and their buy-in to everything else might drop (which is contagious- reference Chapter #9: State).
Think about your own results as the best example. Recall a time when you produced something you were personally fired up about or invested in. Now recall a time when you produced or completed something simply because you had to, were supposed to, or were told to. Pretty different results in quality or time/process it took, and your personal experience to get there, right?
In Daniel Pink’s awesome book Drive1, he reminds us of the three biggest elements of human motivation:
1. Autonomy: it’s MY choice, not someone else’s
2. Mastery: I get to see my own progress, and it’s achievable
3. Purpose: I get to be part of something bigger than myself
If you hit one of these, you’ve tapped WIIFM.
The other fair reason to address WIIFM at the onset is that even if they are invested in what you’re about to ask/present, their thinking might be somewhere else at the time, such as the last meeting they came from, the last thing they were just working on before you approached, the last tweet they just posted, a particularly significant moment from some other part of their world that’s working itself out in their head. How many times have you found yourself thirty seconds into a conversation before realizing that you haven’t engaged yet or didn’t really hear anything that person said because you haven’t transitioned yet and the other person didn’t really engage you effectively yet? There you go. Giving them a WIIFM gets them focused and present and engaged with you in the conversation.
Either way, just know that without the WIIFM you’re assuming a whole lot about whether or not they’re really with you for the rest of the conversation. And honestly, your time and energy is too valuable to waste repeating yourself unnecessarily because they didn’t get it or weren’t with you the first time.
So, address the persistent question of WIIFM first and get them hooked into the conversation. Then you are golden.
Here’s how…
1. Get out of your own head for a minute.
Reflect and put yourself in their shoes.
Some key questions can help you get there…
What do they care about?
Some good guesses you can try out:
• Being the expert
• Being part of something significant
• Being part of a team