– Ini ndinogadzira mari pakudya. Uye amai vanobika uye vanodyira kubva pane ini zvandakawana. Ndaka?
– Yakagamuchirwa, inonzwisisika, inogamuchira…
– Waita zvakanaka baba vako, uye iwe …?
Mwanakomana akasimuka pakawadhi yeSMIRNO, semupristi waakange amudzikisa.
– Wakaitwa mushe mushe zviripo, asi ndanyatsoita.!!..
– .... Asshole… heh heh heh… Salaga. – Otila akarova kumashure kwemusoro wake zvinyoro-nyoro kune mwanakomana wake, asi Izya akasimuka akanunura kutanhamara akananga kunhivi (mhino) yababa vake, paakadzidzisa.
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– Feeds. Zvinonaka.. … – Mwanakomana akatanga kutora munzeve yake yekuruboshwe … – Uyezve hanzvadzi yangu uye ndiani?
– Uye iwe nehanzvadzi yangu?.. Uye iwe uri VANHU! – baba vakanyemwerera vakapfeka magirazi avo, ndokuburuka kubva patafura kuenda kune chimwe chigaro ndokuenderera mberi nekunyora, vachipfugama pasi zvekuti yaive pamusoro.
– Uye zvinorevei ipapo kune WEDU WEMAHARA, vhiki iro… izvi… mumwe Mutungamiriri akauya …, America, KGB yakarara, uye vanhu vari kunetseka?
– Chii chimwezve chakadai mutungamiri? – Meso ababa akabuda kubva pasi pegirazi.
– Uye iyo inovhara neSimba mukamuri kana iwe uchigara muchimbuzi kwemaawa matatu,..
– Uye wozoitei?
– .. ipapo, ivo vanoseka uye peturu, sekitsi muna Kurume mumigwagwa usiku, ipapo kunyange kufinha kunge piglets kana ivo vasina neutered. Uye buda – senge mushure mekugeza – kunyorova.
– Uye ndiri kupi panguva ino? – baba vakadedera.
– Uye iwe uchiri kugara muchimbuzi kweawa.., uye ipapo, sekugara, vachishevedzera: «Uya nebepa!!!».
– Hepano, piss!!. – akapukunyuka kubva pamabvi emazino aGeneral Klop.
– Uye chii chinonzi «bitch»?
– Haufungi here kuti utaure izvozvo zvakare. Zvakanaka?
– Kunzwisiswa, kugamuchirwa, Ameni. -Ndakamuka zvakare, mune yeIzza counter.
– Iwe une chinangwa chekurwisa, kuti uzive kuti uyu President wechipiri ndiani.
– Watozviona. Uku ndiko kugamuchira kwako – Intsefalopath Arutun Karapetovich.
– Chembere iyi? Iye anemakore makumi matatu pane wake, nemakumi mana nematatu mukuru kwandiri. Hie… benzi iri, ihama here?
– Ha ha ha ha!!!! – Mushure mechinguva chidiki, baba vangu vakangoerekana vaputika uye vakapotsa vaputika kubva pachigaro chavo. Ndiko kuseka kwaakaita, kuti kunyangwe izwi rakatemerwa harigone kutsanangurwa, zvinonyangadza chete. Asi akabatirira pamafudzi emwanakomana wake. – Ah, ha ha, zvakanaka, enda, ndinofanira kushanda, uye uyu mumwe purezidhendi ane mazai ehuku mufriji yake muhomwe uye shangu.
– Hee-hee, – Izya akagwinha chinyararire, – uye pamwe kacho?
– Chii chaunoda…
Mwanakomana akafara ndokutizira kuhafu yekutanga yehuku.
Wechipiri protagonist uye wekutanga mubatsiri wematunhu emapurisa, Corporal Intsefalopat Harutun Karapetovich, aimbova gastorbwriter, akawana basa pamudyandigere wepakati, nekuda kwemukadzi waOttila, Isolda Fifovna Klop-Poryvaylo. Iye akange akareba katatu pane sahwira wake uye shanu akatetepa pane mukadzi wemukuru wake. Mhino yakavhomorwa, segondo uye ndebvu, saBudyonny kana Barmaley. Kazhinji, mwanakomana chaiye wemakomo, iye pakutanga Pevhuru, achienda kunotsvaga munyu, akagumburwa nekufungidzira mugoronga, mumotokari mekutakura zvinhu, akavhurika pasina denga, aine marasha kubva kuTbilisi – St. Petersburg chitima chekutakura. Pakiteshi, Lyuban akamuka uye akasvetuka. Akashanda pano nepapo kusvika asangana nemukadzi wemupurisa wedunhu uyu achinwa. Akamukurudzira semukwasha kubva kuCaucasus.
Mushure mekupedza basa, Ottila Aligadzhievich Klop, semazuva ese, vakatora mufananidzo uri patafura nemufananidzo weMutungamiriri, akange achifemera pamusoro pazvo, ndokuupukuta pamusuwo wake, ndokutsvoda huma pahuma yemusoro uye ndokuidzosera munzvimbo yayo chaiyo kukona yekurudyi yetafura, ichizorodza penzura penzura, mapenji, nemapenzura, pakiti yemapepa akasarudzika emapepa ekushambadzira ehutsanana. Akavenga bepa rechimbuzi. Iyo yakaonda uye chigunwe chinogara chichiboorwa kuburikidza nacho panguva yakakosha zvakanyanya uye ipapo unofanirwa kuizunza. Uye kuchizunza munzvimbo yakamanikana, pane mukana wemunwe wekurova matanda emukati wekiyi yemukati meSoviet chimbuzi chimbuzi uye nekunzwa kurwadziwa, moyo wepfungwa wakaita kuti chigunwe chekurwara chigurike nemachira anodziya, panzvimbo iyoyo achinzwa kuravira kwemanyowa ake, aakapfeka kwemaawa makumi maviri nemasere, achiisa chimbudzi panze..
Kupukuta ziya kubva pahuma yake, magumbo, maoko, makumbo uye pasi pemazai, paakatsvaira zvakaomarara, akashandisa thaulo rekugezesa. Iwe unobvunza: sei kwete masaizi? Mhinduro iri nyore: thauro iri hombe uye rinogara kwenguva yakareba.
Yakanga yanonoka, uye mhuri yakanga yatofema kare. Ottila, achipinda munzvimbo yekugara yeimba, akanyarara mukicheni, ndokutora mashanu-litita emheni yemwedzi kubva mufiriji. Kubviswa kune huckster yemunharaunda. Akaisimbisa padumbu, achingotora saucer, imomo makanga makaisa chimedu chekurumwa, yakarumwa neumwe wemba. Kana kuti pamwe mbudzi yekare iyi, Intsephalopath, uyo anga asina kugeda meno mazino kweupenyu hwake hwese uye akangoruma shaya yake necaries.
«Ndosaka ndanga ndine macaries,» Klopa akafunga, «akatsvoda Isolde, Isolde Izyu, uye Izya anogara achitsvoda miromo yangu kwemashanu uye mana akaunzwa kubva kuchikoro kamwe chete kana kaviri pagore. Izvi hazvisi zvepadophilism, imwe kana mbiri … – Asi meno aIpephalopath ainyanyoita nhema, hemp nemidzi zvichiramba zvichibuda ropa, asi Harutun haana kunzwa kurwadziwa zvachose. Uku kuremara kuri muDNA hakuna kumukuvadza zvachose, asi zvakatobatsira mukuferefeta.
Ottila akapukutika uye akada kudzosera ndiro yacho munzvimbo, asi achidzvanya pajamu, akasarudza kusaramba. Kuvira kwemwedzi disinfits zvese. Saka akachinja pfungwa akaenda patafura. Pakanga paine tv tishoma mukicheni, uye akaibatidza munzira. Zvakare munzira, ndakaenda kuchitofu chegesi ndokuvhura pani chivharo, ndakamira patipepa. Kunhuwirira, kupera simba kubva pairi, akango dhakwa Ottila uye akabva angoda kudya imwe. Akatora mukabati: tafura, pombi, pombi, mupunga, chingwa, mayonesi, kirimu yakasviba, kefir, airan, kouute, ketchup, bay shizha, mug, mairi maviri makapu: makuru uye madiki, uye, achitambudzika kubata chiyero chake, akaenda patafura, akasimuka akaneta: maoko ese ari maviri akapfuura, akawandisa zvakanyanya uye aitozoshandisa marobvu. Zvese zvakadimbudzira zvishoma nezvishoma zvakatsiga. Ottila akaedza kusundidzira ndiro patafura nemhino, asi tafura yakanga yakakwira, uye mireza yake yakatanga kuzvimba. Ottila akazvitutumadza akaisa zvese pachigaro. Ipapo akanetsana pamusoro uye, achisundidzira chigaro kuti uone TV, yakamira pachituro, icho chirikugadzirwazve senge tafura yekumira, yakamira, yakadururira magiramu zana nemakumi mashanu emwenje muchigadziro uye ikanyura zvakanyanya, ndokuizadza zvese kamwechete neswig imwe ndokuiperekedza neruzha. kurira kwakanzwika. Akakwakuka kunge ndimu yekare, asingazeze, akabata chidimbu cheel herring yakabhurwa nemashanu ese ndokubatanidza hafu pamwe nemapfupa. Mabhonzo akacherwa mukanwa nerimi. Akakotama, asi akabva ayeuka iyo baba yababa vake uye ndokukanganwa kurwadziwa, sekuru kana vana vanokanganwa makiyi nezvimwe zvinokanganisa. Inotevera mumutsara yaive soup. Iyo svutugadzike yaisanganisira iyo inotevera magenge: nzungu, sauerkraut, mbatatisi, hanyanisi dzakakangwa nekaroti pane paste nyuchi, nyoro dzegorosi dzakapfava, semolina, yezai yehuku yakavhenganiswa nechidimbu chakabatwa cheganda, munwe, saizi yemunhu mukuru, uye yakarongedzwa nechidimbu chimwe chepfupa kubva kune nyama ine misempha. mupoto yepasi. Nyama, sezviri pachena, yakadyiwa zvisati zvaitika, pane musimboti: «mumhuri yakakura… usadzvanya.» Mukuyamwa watozvimba soupa uye kutaridzika kunge mapapiro emabhiza, Ottila akasungirirwa pfupa uye akararama, achinyatso kutora nhau. Chinyorwa chakatevera cheChipo Chekufona chaive paTV skrini:
– «Uye chinonyanya kufadza,» mushambadzi akaenderera mberi, «… mudzidzisi mumwe kubva kuIrkutsk aifarira Nikolai Vasilyevich Gogol uye akangorega basa rake, kunyanya iro basa re» NOS». Hupenyu hwangu hwese ndakachengeta mari yerwendo rwekuLeningrad (yava kunzi St. Petersburg), pakanga pakaiswa chikwangwani chechiratidzo nemhino refu pane pepa rendarira, yakafanana naGogolevsky. Asi Perestroika