‘Go on, then,’ she said. ‘But promise not to tell him.’
Joe smiled. ‘Oh, too late, he has these counted. I’ll need to account for the missing biscuit tomorrow.’
She bit into the chocolate-coated biscuit. It was one that Regan’s grandparents sent every few weeks from Scotland and she was beginning to think she was getting quietly addicted to them.
There was a noise, a bit like a whimper, and Joe crossed to Regan’s doorway. As she watched she could sense his breathing get heavier. It was clear he had something on his mind. She waited a few moments, and when he didn’t move, she crossed over to stand just behind his shoulder.
Regan was curled into a little ball. His lips were moving, as if he were singing some song or nursery rhyme in his sleep.
Joe took a deep breath, his voice so low it was barely a whisper, his eyes fixed on Regan.
‘Sometimes when I’m in my bed at night, I get up and watch Regan sleeping. Then I start to wonder, is there some horrible, secret gene that predisposes you to cancer?’
Lien’s stomach gave an uncomfortable twist. He kept talking, his voice racked with emotion.
‘Both of Esther’s parents died of different types of cancer, and she died of leukaemia. So I look at my little boy and wonder if there’s even a tiny possibility that he might have inherited something that I don’t know about, can’t see, and won’t find out about until it smacks us in the face.’ His voice was shaking now, as were his hands.
She slid her arm through his.
He shook his head. ‘I know it’s crazy. I know it’s irrational. But I can’t help it.’
Her voice was tinged with sadness because she got the impression he’d been hiding these feelings for a while, storing them up, letting them fester, and not sharing them with anyone else. ‘But it’s not irrational, and it’s not crazy, Joe. It’s the thoughts of a man who has already lost his wife, and is terrified he might lose his son.’
She hated the fact they were having this conversation. She could reach out and touch his pain. It was so visible in the air it was practically creating a cloud around his head.
There was also a tiny twinge in her that wondered if this was why he’d asked her here. She’d been bright and happy about the invitation, hoping that—just maybe—it was for something other than work.
But now he was talking to her about his dead wife, and his fears for his son. Her heart ached for him, but she was also trying hard to hide the tinge of disappointment she felt.
She should have been pleased that he felt he could reveal this part of himself to her. But somehow it also gave her the feeling that, no matter what Joe said out loud, his heart really wasn’t ready to move on.
She ran her fingertips along his bare skin. ‘I can’t say much to help, because we do know some cancers seem to run in families. But think back. Think back to the random patients you’ve seen over the years that came in with symptoms. Symptoms that led to a diagnosis of…’ she paused for a second, obviously recalling a few cases ‘…skin cancer, anal cancer, prostate cancer or renal cancer. People with no family history at all. It happens all the time.’
She stopped talking for a few minutes and just let him consider. ‘Sometimes it’s easier to see the things that worry us most.’ She paused and gave him a sympathetic smile. ‘The kinds of things that keep you awake in your bed at night.’
‘What kind of doctor does that make me then?’ He looked pained.
She shook her head. ‘No kind of doctor. Just a worried parent. You don’t have to be a doctor every moment of your life, Joe.’ She looked up into his worried green eyes and gave him the softest smile. They were barely inches apart now. ‘Make room for other things,’ she whispered.
It was almost as if she’d touched a nerve. He jerked. He physically jerked at the impact of her words and she immediately averted her eyes, embarrassed for them both. She moved back quickly to the table and sat down, giving him a few moments to join her.
Her brain was whirring now. She shouldn’t have touched him. How could she explain that it had been done in empathy for how he was feeling?
She wasn’t really that surprised that he was feeling vulnerable right now. He was in a strange country with his son. Yes, they seemed to have settled well, but who really knew what went on inside someone else’s mind?
Clearly not her. No matter how much she tried to deny it, she was beginning to feel a connection to this guy. But after that reaction she was apparently not reading things well. She’d just embarrassed them both. The easiest thing to do was try to pretend nothing had happened.
She shifted a little in the seat. The last thing she wanted to do was sit here in his company after that.
But she still had to work with this guy every day. So she took a deep breath and plastered an interested look on her face, ignoring the little strands of hurt she felt inside.
His phone buzzed with a text and when it flashed up, she saw the screenshot that lay behind it. It was the same photo that Regan had next to his bed. The picture of Esther on the beach, laughing.
Something twisted inside her. She had no reason to be jealous, absolutely none. Of course Regan should have a picture of his mum, but did Joe also need to have it on his phone?
She stared at the array of papers alongside a laptop on the table. ‘What on earth have you been doing?’
As he sat down at the table and started organising his papers her eyes went to one of the pictures Joe had put on the wall. What drew her attention was a large, grand-looking house surrounded by an expanse of gardens. From the view and setting it seemed to be back in Scotland. Joe and Regan were standing in front of the property—it was clearly their family home. She had no idea what house prices were like over there, but one look at the obviously expensive property made her feel distinctly uncomfortable. She’d already seen the house belonging to Joe’s mum and dad, but this must be the house that Joe and Regan lived in. She tried not to calculate in her head how many times this tiny two-bed bungalow could fit into that grand house. What was the English TV series set before the war, where they had staff? It was nearly as big as that.
‘Is that a house or a castle?’ she quipped. Unease spread across her. No, more than that. It was like every nerve in her body was on edge; she could sense the instant hostility and she couldn’t do a darned thing about it. It was like every automatic defence system had just slid into place.
‘It’s not a castle,’ he said with a wave of his hand, then peered back at the screen. ‘At least, I don’t think it was.’
Her skin prickled. She actually wasn’t sure if he was joking or not. She licked her lips. It was funny how being uncomfortable made her mouth instantly dry. ‘Bigger than the average house, I imagine.’ She tried to make her voice sound casual.
He leaned back against the sofa and nodded towards the window and the hospital across from them. ‘Not as big as this place.’
She folded her arms across her chest. ‘I’m not so sure.’
He shook his head. ‘Nah,’ he said breezily. ‘And anyway, didn’t you know everyone lives in a castle in Scotland?’
Of course he was joking, but just the way he said those words tugged at something inside her, and not in a good way. History had taught her that only those who had never had to worry about money would make a quip like that.
‘Here.’ He turned a large piece of paper around to face her. He hadn’t thought twice about their conversation. He hadn’t even noticed her reaction.
She bent forward. It was a map of the surrounding areas. It was littered with red and blue dots.
‘What