A picture of Joel swam unbidden in front of her eyes. Now that was ridiculous. He was good looking, it was true; you’d have to be a blind, hormonally challenged hermit not to notice that. But there was so much emotional confusion tied up in Lauren’s feelings for Joel. First, as Claire’s friend, she felt guilty for even thinking Joel attractive. She hadn’t paid any attention to Joel’s good looks when Claire was alive, but increasingly of late, Lauren had been aware that he was very, very, attractive. But she couldn’t possibly think about it because Claire had been her friend. Besides, Claire had painted a very warts and all picture of her husband, so Lauren was fully aware of all Joel’s faults. Claire had been running round like a headless chicken while Joel had ostensibly been doing up the house, but as far as Lauren could see, it was just an excuse not to be there at bath time. Joel probably wasn’t much of a better bet than Troy. Having a man in the house wasn’t a guarantee of support.
Lauren made her way reluctantly to the pub, knowing that tonight she was sharing another shift with Troy. Despite her anxiety, the sight of a new family of ducklings frantically swimming after their proud mother made her smile. Spring was definitely in the air.
Lauren sighed, enviously looking at the few stalwart smokers who were sitting under the patio heaters on the benches outside the pub. She would much, much, rather be drinking with them, but Sally had called and wheedled her into coming in this evening. ‘I know it’s short notice,’ Sally had said, ‘but I really can’t get anyone else tonight, and you’re always so reliable.’ For which read, I know you need the money. Which was true. Lauren always needed the money, and never felt she could turn an offer of work down. Mum couldn’t babysit, so Kezzie had stepped in, and now Lauren was hotfooting it – late – to the pub.
‘You’re late,’ Sally was on her case the minute she walked in the pub. Who was helping who out of a jam here?
‘Sorry,’ said Lauren, ‘you didn’t exactly give me much notice.’
Sally looked as though she was about to launch into a tirade, but Troy appeared like magic from his side of the bar, and said, ‘Oh, come on, Sal, you know that’s not fair, at least Loz has turned up.’
Loz. She liked the way he called her that. No one else ever did.
Sal was immediately flattered by Troy’s attention; you could almost hear her purr, and within seconds she’d forgotten that she wanted to bawl Lauren out, and was being persuaded that she needed to go upstairs and put her feet up in front of the TV, which was precisely the reason Lauren had been called in at the last moment.
‘Thanks for that,’ said Lauren.
‘No worries,’ said Troy, giving her a wink. ‘I won’t have you being bullied like that.’
Lauren forced down the little thrill that shot through her as he said that. Troy was being Troy. He was trying to get her back, and would use any means at his disposal to do so, she had to remember that.
As it happened, he didn’t try anything at all for the rest of the evening. It was a fairly slow night and only three or four of the regulars were in, so Lauren and he chatted amicably behind the bar for most of the night. To her surprise, Lauren found they had a lot to talk about. They argued about the football, Lauren supported the local third division club, while Troy (naturally) supported Man U, and couldn’t work out why Lauren would be interested in a bunch of losers. They read the headlines in the tabloids left at the bar, and laughed at the shenanigans that low grade celebs were getting up to if the redtops were to be believed. And in between, Troy talked about the girls.
‘I just can’t get over how great they are,’ he said. ‘You’ve done a good job with them, Loz.’
Lauren felt a little glow of pride. It wasn’t as if being a mum came with a yearly appraisal. It felt nice to get some recognition that she was getting it right.
‘Thanks,’ she said. ‘Most of the time I feel like I’m just about coping.’
‘I think you do more than cope,’ said Troy. ‘In fact I think you’re rather magnificent.’
Lauren blushed, and turned away. Why did he have to be so nice now? If only he could have felt like this four years ago.
‘Well, that’s easy for you to say,’ she said. ‘You come in after all the hard work’s done and think by complimenting me that makes it all right.’
Troy had the grace to look embarrassed.
‘Sorry, that came out wrong,’ he said. ‘You’re absolutely right. It is easy for me to say, but I know now what a tosser I’ve been. I should never have left you in the lurch like that, and I wish I hadn’t.’
‘Too right you shouldn’t,’ said Lauren.
‘I do want to make it up to you,’ he said, ‘more than anything.’
Lauren sighed, ‘It’s not that easy to wipe out four years of hurt, Troy. Let’s just leave it that we get to know each other again as friends, and you concentrate on being the girls’ dad. Take one step at a time, eh?’
She touched his arm lightly, then went to clear up the empties and wipe down tables. When she looked up, she caught Troy looking at her when he thought she wasn’t watching. He looked rather sad and thoughtful. She wondered, for the first time since he was back, if he really meant everything he said. Perhaps this time, he had changed, and for the better.
Joel was at home lovingly working on Edward’s desk. He’d decided that if he was going to open the house for the Edward Handford exhibition, he needed to get on and renovate. Thanks to Kezzie having wangled some grant money for the garden from a small gardening charity, he’d had to spend less on the restoration than he’d budgeted for. Which meant he felt able to splash out on a decorator, and had managed to get the dining room and lounge finished. The hallway was next on the list, and in the meantime Joel had resumed work on the desk. As the only bit of furniture still surviving from Edward’s day, Joel wanted it to form pride of place in the exhibition.
He finally finished stripping off the old layers of polish and lacquer, layers and layers of it, which he’d spent weeks doing when Sam was small, before Claire had died. But now he had attacked it with renewed vigour, and he was rewarded for his efforts by being able to see the original walnut in all its beauty. He took a piece of sandpaper to it, and started to sand it down gently. This was such a beautiful piece of furniture. It gave him a thrill to think of Edward sitting here, writing at it, looking out of the front of the house, just as he did. The more he read Edward’s diaries, and looked through the other material he and Kezzie had found, the greater his affinity with his great great grandfather, who had moved into the house in the first throes of love, and created a garden in memory of that love.
For Joel too, it was love that had brought him here, though to begin with it was the garden that had attracted him – he clearly remembered as a child the excitement of coming to visit Uncle Jack, and finding it locked, sneaking into it in much the same way as Kezzie had. He could still remember the thrill, as he swung himself over the wall, and dropped down into the garden.
Back then it had been half tended – Uncle Jack had employed a curmudgeonly old handyman, whom Joel had instinctively avoided – but rarely visited, so the borders had been a jumble of weeds and plants. He particularly remembered there was a lot of heartsease, but then you found a lot of that growing round here. But he could also make out the patterns of the knot garden, just about being kept in shape, although he hadn’t really appreciated what he was looking at. The bushes round the side of the garden had been very overgrown and Joel had spent a lovely half hour having adventures in them before he’d been called indoors. Forever after, the secret garden had held a magical place in his heart. When his mum told him about Uncle Jack’s will it had been a no brainer to come here.
Realistically, though,