And The Winner Is…
From top of the morning to top of the pile and the least likely people in Britain to kill themselves are, drum roll please… the Welsh! I know! Unbelievable! Well done us! I’m sure that there are many reasons for this but no matter how hard I wrack my brain I can’t think of one. I expected us to be near the top (or the bottom, depending on how you look at it), what with our reputation for gloominess and all the rain that we have to put up with, but no, if anything we’re like a Principality of rugby-playing Gene Kellys, singing in the rain and smiling through the clouds.
Actually, this business of the Welsh not wanting to kill themselves is a wonderful example of prejudice and overcoming it. I’m sure you would have put money on us Welsh being the most likely to “do something silly”, simply because of prejudice. A prejudice that could have been based on nothing more than a tiny inconsequential incident that occurred many many years ago. Maybe you once sat next to a very loud Welsh person on a long arduous train journey, perhaps you had a very wet weekend camping just outside Tenby or maybe you’re a pop fan and still furious at Welsh music sensation Shakin’ Stevens for knocking Bryan Ferry’s “Jealous Guy” off the number one spot in 1981 with “This Ole House”. Maybe you’re an Eats, Shoots & Leaves kind of person and your beef with Shaky is nothing to do with his musicianship and solely based on his maverick spelling of “old”. Whatever the reason, you’re prejudiced and that prejudice is stopping you from seeing the full, clear picture.
Another thing… My father had a wonderful phrase that he liked to use: “Never judge a book by its cover” It’s a zinger, isn’t it? Basically it’s saying that appearances can be deceptive, things aren’t always what they seem, and it’s a lovely little motto to turn to although if I was being picky I would have to say that the cover is probably the best way to judge a book. Generally speaking the cover tends to hit the nail on the head with regards to indicating the overall thrust of the book itself. Coastal Walks in Pembrokeshire, for example, is almost definitely a guide to the many lovely walks that are available along the Pembrokeshire coast in South Wales, a super stretch of land with an abundant display of wildlife, particularly birds; and not, I would wager, the story of one man’s struggle against apartheid in South Africa. That sort of book would probably be called My Struggle, Oppression or, and this is a good one, Grey, meaning the colour you get if you melt black and white together which I would imagine would be the general message of this sort of book. Unless the author was a hard-line militant, hell bent on revenge, in which case it might be Bloody Hands, Boiling Point or Die Whitey, Die!, altogether more hard-hitting titles, again giving a fairly good indication of what’s inside and proof positive that you can judge a book by its cover.
But not always. Here are two tables I’ve compiled to show you that you have to always be on your guard when it comes to books and covers.
Books That You Can Judge By Their Cover
The Eyewitness Travel Guide to California
The Radio Times Guide to Films 2004
Dylan Thomas, the Complete Poems
Bruce: The Autobiography of Bruce Forsyth
Green & Black’s Chocolate Recipes
A small selection of books whose titles all give full honest accounts of the material contained within them. Please note that this is just a random selection and not a recommendation. However, I have to say that if you were looking for a good, solid, reliable, coffee-table-sized reference book on modern cinema and film, you’d have to go a long way to better The Radio Times Guide to Films 2004. Now, just to show the other side of the coin …
Books That You Can’t Judge By Their Cover
Julia Phillips, You’ll Never Eat Lunch in This Town Again; NOT an indispensable guide to bad restaurants and cafés, but in fact a fascinating tale of power and excess in Hollywood during the 1970s.
Martin Amis, Yellow Dog; I haven’t read it but I’m pretty sure it has nothing to do with Labradors.
The Grapes of Wrath; actually about poor people.
A Clockwork Orange; a very nasty book.
Look Twice…
So Dad was right and wrong at the same time. Let’s be clear about something, though: I’m not saying that my Dad was wrong, I would never say that. I think what his clever little phrase meant was basically “look twice”, “don’t be so sure”. Here’s an example of the sort of thing Dad was talking about. We’ve established that the Scots are far more likely to kill themselves than the Welsh, but look at these two photos:
One was taken in Scotland, the other in Wales; can you guess which is which? Go on, have a go! OK, I’m willing to bet that you think that the one on the bottom is Wales and the one on the top is Scotland, yes? Our survey says… Uh, uh!!! Wrong! It’s the other way around, the one on the top is Wales and the one on the bottom is Scotland! Thanks, Dad, you were right! Sometimes you can’t judge a book by its cover.
“They seemed so happy…”
Let me ask you another question if I may. How often have you heard a friend or relative say, “Guess who’s splitting up?” and then when he or she tells you who it is, it comes as a complete shock? That’s right, lots of times, we all have. Why is it such a shock?
Because it’s a surprise. (Figure 9)
These days, with divorce rates soaring, it is almost impossible to predict which couples will stay together and which ones will split up.
Or is it? Try this little quiz to see how good you are at spotting who will stay together “’til death do us part”.
If I were to tell you that I had devised a method that could predict the success of a marriage, based purely on a detailed analysis of photographs taken on the wedding day, would you be interested? I thought so! Then read on …
On the following three pages are photographs of three couples on their wedding days. All seemingly happy pictures of young, healthy men and women on the most important day of their lives, with their futures together ahead of them, the hopes and dreams of their respective families held in their conjoined arms; but which if any will end in tears? I want you to study the pictures closely and see if you can spot any clues to help you predict which of the couples are still together. Maybe by doing so you will be able to choose more wisely yourself next time! It’s a bit of fun.
N.B. All the weddings took place in 1995. I’m writing this in 2004, so they’ve all passed the dreaded seven-year itch!
Right, couple number one. Look closely at them and see what you can see in their faces. Future happiness? Despair? A bit of both? Quite a posh wedding in that they have doves although I must say that from only looking at the picture it’s difficult to be sure whether they’re releasing the doves or desperately trying to catch them.