Jamie knew there would be eight of them altogether: Jake and his girlfriend, the local doctor and his wife, and her brother, who was apparently staying with them following a road accident, Jamie herself and Beth and Richard.
Beth had been only vaguely informative on the subject of Ian Parsons, explaining that he was a geologist who worked abroad, who had been involved in a road accident which had killed his wife.
‘Ian was very badly injured, but he’s on his feet again now. The accident happened over eighteen months ago, and he’s been staying with Sue and Chris ever since. He’s rather quiet and withdrawn,’ she warned Jamie. ‘Sue says he blames himself for his wife’s death. They were on the verge of splitting up when it happened, and he thinks if they hadn’t been arguing, his wife would never have crashed the car.’
Jamie was in the kitchen checking on the seafood crêpes she had prepared for their first course when she heard the doorbell ring.
The kitchen door was open and she heard Beth opening the door, the tiny hairs on the back of her neck prickling atavistically as she recognised the deep male drawl that answered her cousin’s warm greeting. Jake had arrived!
She was glad that being in the kitchen meant that she didn’t need to go out and greet them. But then wasn’t that why she had offered to make the meal? She might be able to deceive others, but she couldn’t deceive herself.
‘Something smells good,’ she heard Jake say, unconsciously repeating Richard’s comment. She had forgotten that velvet, teasing quality his voice could take on. Her body was a mass of pain and she had an intense desire to open the back door and run.
Almost as though Beth had sensed it, the kitchen door was pushed open and her muscles tensed, knowing she had only seconds to prepare her defences.
All four of them walked into the room. She had her back to them as she pretended all her concentration was on what she was cooking, but in reality all she was aware of was Jake. She could almost smell the faint scent of his body, she thought feverishly, knowing by some sixth sense that he was the one standing closest to her. She had to turn round and face him.
‘Jake.’ Her smile was the perfect social widening of lips that signified politeness rather than pleasure. ‘I thought I recognised your voice.’
She didn’t hold her hand out to him, but gripped the spoon she was using.
He was like a force field, she thought achingly as she willed herself to meet the cool cynicism of his eyes; drawing all the energy and resistance out of her. The last time she had seen him had been at Sarah’s christening, but then she made only a lightning appearance, leaving before the party afterwards with the excuse that she was due to fly to the States. Then she had had weeks to prepare herself, weeks to teach her senses to register his presence and then ignore it.
All at once she felt terribly hot and shaky. The green eyes narrowed, his glance moving slowly and thoughtfully over the silky fabric that clung to her breasts and hips.
‘Doesn’t Jamie look lovely?’
Even Beth seemed to be affected by the tension invading the kitchen, her voice high and slightly breathless.
Without taking his eyes off her Jake said coolly, ‘She’s too thin.’
He was talking about her as though she were completely incapable of emotions and feelings, and it hurt so badly she felt as though she were being ripped apart.
She mustn’t let him get to her like this. Jake had always enjoyed dominating and dictating to her, she knew that, and he would enjoy doing it again, simply for the pleasure of humiliating her. She couldn’t let it happen. She took a deep breath, reminding herself wryly that she was now a sophisticated businesswoman, not a mutely adoring child, and putting down the spoon she turned towards the pretty blonde girl hovering uncertainly between Jake and Beth.
‘No one seems to be going to introduce us,’ she said with a smile. ‘I’m Jamie, and I know you must be Amanda.’
The girl, and that was exactly what she was, Jamie thought noting the clear skin and childishly rounded face, smiled back guilelessly.
‘It’s lovely to meet you, I’ve heard such a lot about you from your mother and Jake’s father.’
Pain, unexpected and devastating, gripped Jamie. When Beth had talked about Jake settling down she had not really believed her, but it was obvious that Jake must have taken Amanda with him to Queensmeade.
‘They’re both so proud of you,’ the slightly breathless voice continued, strengthening a little as she added, ‘I envy you. I’d love to do something as exciting as you do.’ She made a small moue. ‘My father wouldn’t even let me go to university. He said it was taking a place from someone else, and that I would never need to work.’ Amanda sighed, her blue eyes faintly shadowed, and against her will Jamie felt drawn to her.
The doorbell rang again, and Jamie turned back to the cooker, as Beth shepherded everyone back into the hall.
It was over and she had survived, but she couldn’t relax. Her nerves were coiled into tight knots of pain.
She heard the kitchen door open again and said shakily, ‘Beth, I’m afraid I have the most awful headache, would you watch the veg for me, while I run upstairs for a codeine?’
‘Beth’s busily organising everyone with drinks.’ The laconic careless words weren’t important. What was, was that Jake was here in the kitchen with her. For a moment she stood like a petrified creature, knowing that danger lurked, but too wrought up to know in what direction it might come.
‘She sent me in to ask what you wanted.’
A faint grimness underlined the words.
Oh, Beth, Jamie thought unhappily. You’re meddling in something you don’t understand.
‘I think she feels that since we’re both Sarah’s godparents, we ought to be able to get on better together.’
Thank God she had the excuse of watching the dinner to prevent her from turning round to look at him.
He ignored her comment and said flatly instead, ‘Mark’s worried about you. You know he’s not well?’
‘Yes.’ Thank goodness she had the excuse of her worry for her stepfather to excuse the tremor in her voice. ‘Beth told me last night. How serious is it, Jake?’
She had to turn round to face him now, but almost flinched back as she saw the anger and contempt icing his eyes.
‘Much you care,’ he told her cuttingly. ‘How long is it since you’ve been to see them, Jamie? A year, eighteen months?’
‘I’ve been busy, I…’
‘Rubbish!’ His fingers bit into her arms as he grabbed hold of her, catching her off guard. ‘You haven’t come home because you can’t bear to see me, isn’t that closer to the truth?’
She felt she was going to choke on the pain, at the humiliation of his knowing how she felt about him, but as she looked into his eyes, it was anger she saw there and not mocking contempt.
She took a deep breath, trying to steady her nerves.
‘You’re being ridiculous, Jake,’ she told him evenly.
‘Am I? Prove it,’ he challenged harshly. ‘Come home for Christmas.’
The refusal rose to her lips but could not be uttered. It was six years since she had spent a Christmas at home. Six years. How she had loved their family Christmases.
‘For once in your life stop being so damned selfish and put someone else first,’ Jake demanded harshly. ‘My father’s a sick man, Jamie, he misses you.’
Blankly she looked into his face. His mouth was hard and compressed, his eyes shadowed. His hair, thick and densely