With a sudden shiver, she turned away from the window, achingly aware that her thoughts were careering off down a very dangerous path. She had put the past behind her, and that was where it was going to stay. Although in Jake’s arms, she had quivered with pleasure and ached for his touch, none of the men she had casually dated in the years that had intervened had aroused the slightest sexual interest in her. It was as though that part of her was frozen—or simply no longer existed, she thought wryly—but then what was sex after all other than simply another appetite? Did anyone waste time bemoaning the fact that they didn’t long for food? Just as some people could get along with merely a couple of hours’ sleep a night, while others needed eight hours, so she could live without sex. It was as simple and basic as that.
Maybe, a small inner voice criticised, but what about love? Love? Her mouth trembled and then firmed. What was love after all? That delirious, dangerous emotion Jake had aroused in her? If so she was better off without it. But she wasn’t without it, she reminded herself; even the mere sound of Jake’s name on someone else’s lips was enough to make her muscles cramp and her pulses race. The reason she had avoided him so assiduously since she had run away was not that she loathed and hated him, but that she was terrified of betraying to his too-knowing gaze that she was still acutely vulnerable to him. Whilst he didn’t know how she felt about him she felt in some indefinable way safer, although why she didn’t know. After all, what difference would her feelings make to him? He had never attempted to get in touch with her, never tried to explain.
There had been a letter from him, arriving soon after he had received her note, but she had torn it up unread. Had he guessed then that she had lied when she claimed that she felt she was too young to marry and settle down? It had been little more than a sop to her pride, and she had no doubt that he had seen straight through it, but the very fact that he had made no attempt to see her or justify himself to her was surely proof of how right Wanda’s allegations had been.
And now tomorrow he was coming here—with his new girlfriend. Did she have the strength to face him? Did she have any choice? If she left now Beth was bound to speculate, and she had after all nothing to fear. No one in the family knew of that brief month of ecstasy he had given her before the lies and deceit caught up with him. No, only she and Jake knew about those evenings in his flat when she had lain in his arms and felt his hands against her skin, when he had told her that he had been waiting for her to grow up, waiting for her to see him as a man and not simply as a stepbrother.
It was dark now. How long had she been standing staring into space? She glanced at her watch. Almost an hour. Beth would be wondering what on earth she was doing.
At least she had been granted a few hours to prepare herself. She looked at the case she had dropped on the bed and went over to it, unsnapping the locks. She had come straight to Bristol after nothing more than a brief stop at her London flat, giving herself time only to shower and re-pack.
In New York she had had enough free time to do some shopping. With this visit in mind she had bought a sweater for Beth and a beautifully dressed rag-doll for her goddaughter.
She unpacked automatically, her movements deft with experience. In her case was the new Calvin Klein she had bought in New York. She had packed it on impulse, a handful of dark lavender silk jersey that looked nothing on the hanger but which moulded her body and picked out the unusual colour of her eyes. It was a sophisticated dress that only just fell short of meriting the description ‘sexy’. She would wear it tomorrow night, she decided grimly. Whatever her private feelings might be, she wanted Jake to be in no doubt at all that the old Jamie had gone. As she hung the dress up she thanked God for the experience that had taught her over the years exactly how to conduct a light-hearted flirtation without involving herself in anything more. If she knew her cousin, Beth would be providing her with a dinner partner; normally she would have been cool and distant with him, letting him know that she was not in the market for a one-night stand or anything else, but tomorrow…
She heard her cousin’s voice calling to her outside her bedroom door, and composing her face into an expression of cool serenity she went to open it.
‘Sarah’s awake now,’ Beth told her, holding up the blonde-haired, blue-eyed baby for Jamie’s closer inspection.
‘Heavens, she’s grown so much.’
After a few seconds’ solemn inspection the little girl deigned to smile.
‘It’s bath-time,’ Beth explained, glancing ruefully at her cousin’s immaculate skirt and cashmere jumper. ‘I’m sorry to be such a poor hostess. If you want to go downstairs…’
‘What I want to do,’ Jamie told her firmly, ‘is to help you give my goddaughter her bath. After all,’ she said more softly, touching her fingertips to the baby’s soft skin, ‘I am her godmother; which reminds me. I’ve brought a small present for her from New York.’
Firmly dismissing Jake from her mind Jamie held out her arms to take Sarah from her mother.
‘Come on,’ she said firmly to the little girl. ‘It’s time you and I got to know one another, young lady.’
CHAPTER TWO
‘JAMIE, you’re an angel,’ Beth said breathlessly, standing back to admire the bowl of flowers Jamie had just placed on the dining-room table.
The long velvet curtains had been closed against the dark; Jamie pursed her lips slightly as she studied her arrangement.
‘With Sarah to look after I never get time for all the small details like flowers,’ Beth told her wryly. ‘Richard’s going to get quite a shock when he finds out what we’re having to eat. I’m afraid all I ever seem to manage is something simple. I really am grateful to you for everything you’ve done. But I feel terribly guilty. You’re supposed to be here to rest.’
‘I enjoyed it,’ Jamie told her truthfully. ‘It’s been a long time since I’ve been let loose in a kitchen.’
‘Of course, I was forgetting that your mother taught you to cook. It’s no wonder you’re so good.’
‘Adequate but not inspired,’ Jamie told her, shrugging off the compliment.
The dining-room of Beth and Richard’s new house was a pleasant size but the previous owners had been less than adventurous in their choice of decor. The walls and ceiling were painted cream, taking no advantage of the lovely high ceiling and the attractive cornice.
‘This room’s dreadfully dull,’ Beth commented critically, wrinkling her nose. ‘The whole house needs redecorating, but I just don’t know where to start.’
‘We’ll sit down tomorrow and talk about it together,’ Jamie promised.
‘There’s Richard,’ Beth exclaimed as they heard the front door open and shut.
‘I’d better go upstairs and get ready,’ Jamie told her, giving her cousin’s husband a warm smile as he came into the room. Rather like a cuddly round teddy bear to look at, she liked Richard, who she knew was a shrewd businessman who adored his wife and little girl.
Leaving them alone together she hurried upstairs. In an hour and a half Jake would be here. Already her heart was pounding unevenly. Her fingers shook as she opened her bedroom door. She wasn’t going to let seeing him affect her. She was going to be cool and indifferent to him. She had to be.
‘WOW, WHAT A stunning dress!’ Beth’s eyes opened wide as she studied her cousin’s appearance, enviously admiring the way the silk jersey clung to Jamie’s supple body. ‘How on earth do you manage to stay so slim?’ she complained ruefully. ‘I’m at least half a stone overweight.’
‘If you are that’s how I like you,’ Richard told