Emily’s mood remained buoyant throughout the evening and all the way home. Philip had suggested they all share a cab, but Emily had insisted she could walk and left the two of them speeding away in the darkness. She imagined telling Jason the news that Philip and Helen were together, even engaged. She pictured the huge wedding, hundreds of guests. Perhaps she’d even be bridesmaid. She’d wear something understated, and look modest and quietly proud—
Chuckling softly at her own flight of fancy, Emily let herself into her flat. Her mobile phone buzzed with a message and Emily flipped it open as she shed her coat and kicked off her heels. There were two messages which she’d missed while at the theatre: one from her sister, asking her if she was coming to Surrey for Christmas, and then another from Stephanie, reminding her of the rehearsal dinner for her wedding in two weeks’ time. Emily could hardly believe the wedding was so soon. She wondered if Jason would be attending, and then quickly banished that thought. It hardly mattered anyway.
Emily was dying to know how the evening turned out for Philip and Helen, and she finally got the low-down when she stopped by reception on the way to lunch the next day. Helen was getting ready to leave for an afternoon appointment at the dentist’s and they walked out together into the brisk November afternoon.
‘So …’ was all Emily needed to say for Helen to launch into a hesitant yet happy description of Philip and all his charms.
‘He’s so gorgeous, isn’t he?’ Helen said with a sigh. ‘And he says the funniest things … and he looks at me as if he likes me.’ She paused, nibbling her lip, her lashes sweeping downward for a moment before she looked up anxiously at Emily. ‘He looks at me and I go all tingly. I feel so alive. Have you ever felt like that?’
‘Alive?’ Emily repeated dryly. ‘Yes, I think so.’
‘I meant—’
‘I know,’ Emily said quickly, suppressing a pang of remorse at her rather facetious reply. ‘And to tell you the truth, Helen, I’ve never felt like that with a man.’ She thought briefly of Jason’s kiss, and hurriedly suppressed the memory. Her two dismal attempts at a relationship hardly counted either. No, love looked set to pass her by, and that was fine. Hearing about it from Helen was good enough. Almost, anyway. She smiled down at her. ‘So what you’ve got must be special.’
‘Do you think so?’ Helen asked. ‘Do you think he likes me?’
Emily thought of the way Philip had sat next to Helen, had brushed her hair away from her face, had slid next to her in the cab, their thighs touching. ‘I’m sure of it,’ she said.
‘Richard will be so disappointed,’ Helen said quietly. ‘We were meant to use this time to get to know one another—to see if we suit—’
‘And obviously you don’t,’ Emily replied briskly. ‘If he’d wanted to be with you so much, he should have asked you out. Sent you flowers—’
‘He did give me a house plant,’ Helen said quickly, and Emily only just kept herself from rolling her eyes.
‘How very nice of him,’ she said. ‘Still, it’s not your fault if you don’t … suit. And since Philip is here and Richard isn’t …’
‘He leaves for Africa tomorrow,’ Helen said in a low voice. ‘I should tell him, I know, but …’ She nibbled her lip again and Emily smiled kindly.
‘But?’
‘We’ve been friends for so long,’ Helen said. She sounded miserable. ‘And Richard really is a nice man—’
‘Of course he is. But you don’t date—or marry—someone just because he’s nice. I think you need a bit more than that, Helen. You deserve it.’
‘Do I?’
‘Yes,’ she told her firmly, ‘you do.’ Every woman did. Helen was just one of the lucky ones who might actually get it.
Helen nodded, accepting, and Emily waved her off to her dentist’s appointment, expansively offering to let her take the rest of the afternoon off. ‘I know what that novocaine can do to you. You’d be lisping into the phone!’
‘I should be back by four,’ Helen said. ‘I don’t want to leave Jane in the lurch. And actually I kind of enjoy the work now.’ Smiling with a new self-confidence, Helen headed down the street. Emily watched her, feeling proud of Helen and all she’d accomplished, and yet … she could not keep a strange, empty feeling from rattling around inside her. She felt a little forlorn, a little lonely, as she headed up to her office. She knew she should be happy for Helen, and she was, of course she was. Yet as she sank into her chair she also realised she felt a bit adrift herself. She had since Jason had kissed her and scattered all her certainties. I’m happy as I am.
Was she? Was she really?
Staring blankly at her computer screen, Emily wasn’t sure she was any more. The thought was frightening. Depressing too. Because if she wasn’t happy, what on earth could she do about it?
Forcing the question—and its impossible answer—aside, she kept her head down and focused on work until a hesitant knock on her door at half past three. She looked up and stared straight at Richard Marsden.
‘Hello,’ he began, awkward and uncertain, and Emily simply stared, shock rendering her temporarily speechless. A creeping sense of discomfort immediately followed, for while she’d been telling Helen it was perfectly fine to forget Richard just hours ago, she hadn’t had to deal with the man face to face.
Now he stood here in an ill-fitting suit, round-shouldered and a little dull, yet, Emily acknowledged fairly, with a rather nice smile.
‘Sorry to bother you, but I’m looking for Helen Smith. Jane down at reception said you might know where she is.’
‘She’s at the dentist’s,’ Emily said, her voice faintly cool despite her intention to sound both friendly and professional.
‘Oh.’ Richard’s face fell, the corners of his mouth turning down almost comically. ‘I was hoping to catch her before I leave for Africa. I’d stop by her flat but my flight leaves at eight—’ He paused hopefully and Emily did not attempt to fill the silence. ‘Do you know if she’ll be back today?’
Emily hesitated. Clearly Helen had not told Jane that she intended to return by four. Of course, Helen’s appointment could run long—dentist appointments often did—and there was no saying for certain that she would be back in the office today. There was no saying for certain at all.
Emily looked at Richard Marsden’s slightly droopy eyes, his kind smile, and then quite suddenly pictured Jason saying coolly, You most certainly are not in the running. She remembered how easily he’d walked away from that kiss, and how shattered she’d felt in its aftermath.
Her own mouth hardened and she heard herself saying, ‘I’m afraid I don’t know, Richard. She told me she planned to take the entire afternoon off.’
Richard nodded slowly in acceptance, clearly defeated before he’d even begun. Emily felt a flicker of regret but also a stab of self-righteous scorn. If Richard wasn’t going to try harder than that—
‘Well, if you see her, will you tell her I stopped by? And that … that I’m thinking of her?’
Emily knew she would have no difficulty in delivering Richard’s paltry message. ‘Of course I will.’
‘Thank you,’ he said, and Emily, her throat suddenly tight, just nodded.
As he rounded the corner, she managed to call out, ‘Have a safe trip, Richard.’
Then, as he finally disappeared down the hallway, she let out a long, slow breath she hadn’t realised she’d been holding.
It didn’t matter, she told herself. Helen would have said something to Richard anyway. She was planning on it—mostly. And, in any case, Richard was only going to be gone