“Ceri?” It’s Anna and she sounds excited. “Seb told you about the wedding plans? You don’t think it’s over the top, do you? I mean the Scottish link is rather more like wishful thinking.” She stops to laugh and I can’t help smiling. “It’s only that I think the kilts and things are so romantic.” It almost sounds like she’s pleading with me to agree. Why does it matter what I think anyway? That familiar sensation of sadness unsettles my stomach and I wonder what causes it. Anna is open and honest, so why do I believe she’s going to hurt Seb in a way that he’ll never get over? I close my eyes and wish it would all go away.
“It’s your wedding and the bride calls the shots. Seb seems happy enough to go along with it, and he’s the one who has to wear the kilt. He’s trying hard to make you happy Anna, whatever you want he’ll do everything he can to make it happen.” I realise my words sound a little like a dig and I wasn’t conscious of wanting to upset her. There are a few seconds of silence.
“I don’t want to turn into bridezilla.”
I’ve embarrassed her and I feel ashamed of myself. “You won’t. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, it’s what makes you and Seb happy that counts. It’s your special day.”
“Oh, thank you so much Ceri. I worry that Seb is simply agreeing with everything I put forward and I thought he might have confided in you if he was unhappy about any of the arrangements. I also have a favour to ask.” She hesitates, and I hold my breath. “Would you be my chief bridesmaid?”
It isn’t what I was expecting at all, and while it’s really not my thing I know I have to agree and sound enthusiastic. “That would be lovely, thank you!” In my head I imagine a red bridesmaid’s dress with a huge bow on the back that makes me look like a badly dressed doll.
“Oh, Seb is going to be so happy! Two of my best friends are also going to be bridesmaids and you are all about the same height, so it’s going to be great for the photos.” She should have stopped at ‘happy’. Photos are only photos, is it necessary to consider the size and shape of the people who will appear in them? I shake my head, glad Anna can’t see that the truth is we have very different priorities. I put down the phone, relieved that at least I haven’t upset the bride.
Maybe I’m old before my time because of the things I’ve experienced. Who knows? Maybe I inherited the sensible gene and that’s why Seb has always been so adventurous in his life—he’s the risk-taker. He’s finally ready to settle down after realising that having someone to share your life with becomes more important to you the older you become.
When I think back over the guys that have come and gone in my life, I can see that there never was anyone with whom I felt a serious connection. I’ve always been in love with the idea of being in love, but everyone I’ve dated has only ever seen the shell of me. None could see inside and every single one of them backed off whenever anything odd happened. I can’t blame them, the fault lies with me, but if I had one wish it would be to find a guy who could understand. I long to be with someone and not have to hide or explain anything. To find a person who can simply accept me without judgment and with whom I could relax, confident that he would support me no matter what happened on my life’s path.
My mobile kicks into life and I see from the caller ID it’s Alex.
“Hey girl,” he drawls and his tone suggests this is going to be gossip. “Thought you’d like to know that rumours are rife and it’s all about you. The word is out that you are next in line for Scott’s job when he leaves. First management team, here she comes!”
I was right. He’s worse than the women who hang around in the coffee room speculating about who’s dating who.
“Well, don’t you think someone would have mentioned something to me about it first?” I laugh.
“Maybe today clinched it. After all, there are probably two other candidates I can think of who would be in the running.” He pauses and I can imagine him, wine glass in hand; a blush wine, of course.
“Gee, so glad to have you on my team!”
“What? I’m being honest. You know he’d prefer a male candidate, but I think you hit it out the ballpark today lady!”
“Well, keep me informed. I’d hate to be late on my first day in a new job,” I chuckle. “Stop gossiping and leave me alone. I need to lie down. I’ve just agreed to be Anna’s chief bridesmaid. She’s wearing red and the guys are wearing kilts.”
“Eeek,” his voice is almost a squeak. “Poor you! Red is so draining, you’ll have to do a fake tan or you’ll look like a ghost with your pale skin and hair.”
“Oh yes, and arrive looking like I’ve just stepped off of the beach in the middle of winter? I think not. Maybe I can convince her red for the bridesmaids isn’t such a great idea. See you tomorrow.”
“Night, night, don’t let the bed bugs bite,” he says soberly. There’s a hint of something in his voice, I’m not sure what exactly. Maybe he’s worried that if I am promoted he’ll have a new boss to contend with.
Chatting with Alex has at least left me feeling a little happier and upbeat. He always cheers me up and I’m so grateful that aside from being work colleagues, we’re really good friends.
***
Setting everything up for the ‘Good Day Sunshine’ campaign leaves Alex and I very little time to think about who is going to replace Scott. Mason keeps close tabs on progress and for the first time seems to be a little more approachable. July quickly passes and August is upon us before the workload eases up. I’m pleasantly surprised when I have my first fitting for ‘the dress’ to find that Anna has picked a pale silver-grey. She’s right - when we all stand in a line at the dressmakers we do look very photogenic. Her excitement is infectious and it’s clear she loves every little inch of Seb, even his annoying habit of being so unpredictable at times when you really need him to be there. He missed his own fitting, would you believe, and he was the only one of the guys who couldn’t make it. Was Anna fazed or disappointed? No. She laughed and said they would sort him out on his return, because he had a mountain to climb: literally, of course. He sloped off on a week-long climb with a group he’d met while he was in Australia back-packing. I marvelled at the way Anna took it in her stride and understood he’d given up a lot this last year for her. With each meeting I’m warming to her more and more, but whenever we hug it’s there: that cold little feeling in the pit of my stomach that won’t go away. Even when, on the day of the dress fitting, she whispered in my ear “I’m so glad to be gaining a sister. I always longed to have one!”
Alex noticed something was up. I’ve never shared any of my thoughts or strange feelings with him. We’ve worked together for two years, and while we are the greatest of friends in a work situation, we’ve only ever skimmed the surface about things that happen outside of the office. There’s always been this invisible line between us. He knows about the wedding and that I worry about Seb, that I don’t get on well with my parents. But that’s it. In return I know that he has a sister he can’t stand and that he’s mad about formula one racing—fanatical even. But he’s never mentioned a partner and I never talk about my dates, which is why I am caught completely off guard when he starts talking about dating agencies.
“I’m thinking about joining one of these dating websites,” he casually drops into the conversation one morning, as we pore over the magazine mock-ups for the new campaign.
“Really?” I sit back to study his face, in search of some explanation for this sudden need to impart information.
“Well, don’t look at me like that! Millions