As we cast a critical eye over our bodies in the mirror, many of us focus on one particular body part. When you stripped off and assessed yourself, did you find yourself honing straight in on your much-hated hips or tummy? If so, you probably felt pretty negative about yourself by the time you turned away from the mirror. That’s why it’s important to look beyond the mirror and acknowledge that your reflection is not all you are. Think about all the things your body can do, the pleasure it can provide, the miracles it has performed, the strength, endurance and power it has. Think how great it feels when you get massaged, or when you stretch after waking up or after a workout; how good it feels to slip into a hot bath, eat something delicious or dance. All these things are about your body and the way it feels, the way it performs, the way it can be challenged. Your body is so much more than that reflection you are so critical of.
Imagine seeing yourself through the eyes of one of your friends. How would you describe your body if you were to look at it as an outsider? Write that description down now, being as honest and accurate as you can be. The chances are if you’re looking at yourself through someone else’s eyes you’ll be a lot kinder, so use these more realistic judgements when you’re casting a critical eye over yourself and determining your goals and objectives. The reality is that everyone has good and bad points. Having a big bum, a beer belly or flabby upper arms doesn’t make you a bad person, a failure, or in any way a lesser being than the supermodels that pout at us from the pages of countless glossy magazines.
ACTION POINT 1: ACKNOWLEDGE THE POSITIVE
WHAT YOU NEED TO DO
Look at your reflection in the mirror and find one physical thing about yourself you like. It can be anything from the shape of your little toe, to the way your nose wrinkles when you smile, or the shape of your ankles. Whatever it is, find one thing and tell yourself out loud why you like it.
THE LOGIC
Acknowledging something you like about your body shifts the emphasis away from the bits you don’t like. By doing this you start to see your body as a whole rather than as a collection of isolated bits. This will help you feel more positive about your body and, because you feel better about it, you will use it in a more positive way.
ACTION POINT 2: BUILD UP YOUR GOOD POINTS
WHAT YOU NEED TO DO
As the days pass, find another aspect of your body you like and say it out loud, along with the bits you liked from previous days. For example, if on day one you said ‘I like my little toe’, then on day two repeat this out loud together with the next body bit that you like. Continue to add a new ‘like’ each day until you are repeating a lengthy list of aspects of your body that you like.
THE LOGIC
Reinforcement is a powerful tool in helping you believe in something.
ACTION POINT 3: MAKE IT YOURS!
WHAT YOU NEED TO DO
Think about precisely why you like each body bit and repeat these reasons out loud as you look in the mirror.
THE LOGIC
Personalizing why you like these good bits helps you develop a closer relationship with your body and encourages you to like your body for reasons beyond conventional beauty. This will help you challenge your thought process on what makes someone beautiful or acceptable. Quirkiness can actually be to your benefit, so learn to embrace all the parts of your body so you can make friends with what you see in the mirror instead of criticizing it.
ACTION POINT 4: PAY YOURSELF A GENUINE COMPLIMENT
WHAT YOU NEED TO DO
I want you to pay yourself a genuine compliment each morning as you look in the mirror. Choose a different compliment each day – it can relate to you physically or be about something you have accomplished in your life. Whatever it is, you need to say it out loud as you look at yourself in the mirror.
THE LOGIC
Seeing your reflection is about facing up to who you are physically, but it is also about acknowledging that there are many facets to the person you see in the mirror. Accepting and praising yourself for all your qualities helps you to accept yourself physically, mentally and spiritually. Being content with yourself is not just about whether you are beautiful, but about whether you pulled off a great project at work, hosted a fab dinner party, dried your hair really nicely, were patient with the kids this morning or didn’t shout at your boyfriend for forgetting to put the rubbish out.
ACTION POINT 5: PLAY TO WIN
WHAT YOU NEED TO DO
Acknowledge the great things you have achieved in your life. Take credit for your accomplishments and don’t belittle your achievements by dismissing your work as merely ‘okay’ or ‘not bad’ – use bold, positive words that truly reflect your accomplishments. Shout it out!
THE LOGIC
Too many of us down play our triumphs – particularly professional ones – so others feel more secure. At school we are taught to be modest – a ‘good girl’ was one who promoted the people around her and not herself. This modesty can actually undermine and sabotage confidence, because as we progress through our lives, fewer and fewer of us receive compliments or feedback on our performance. If you lack the ability to acknowledge and even shout about your own accomplishments, they can start to go unnoticed by the most important person – YOU. If you don’t value what you do, it’s a cue for others to do the same.
THE BOTTOM LINE
Making friends with the mirror is a two-pronged strategy. It’s about accepting what you see and also about acknowledging that being you isn’t simply about squeezing into a particular size. The mirror can never reflect the myriad aspects and depths of your personality and being. Once you have accepted this, you are ready to move on to step three.
Case Study: Diane’s Success
‘When I met Joanna Hall in November 2002 at the This Morning studio, I had reached an end point. I was unhappy with my weight – I wanted to lose at least 2 stone but the thought of dieting was intimidating. For a lot of my adult life I had been plagued by depression and one of my comforts was to eat. I was ashamed of myself and that turned the whole situation into a vicious circle. If you asked me what was the most important factor in my successful weight loss, I would have to say a positive mind. I needed encouragement, but more than that I needed to be able to believe in myself. Joanna suggesting coming at it from a different angle and helped me to build my self-esteem and confidence, showing me how important it is to like, even love, myself. She gave me the building blocks to change my mindset to one that was able to take on the challenge of losing weight.’
This step is about making the relationship you’ve now established between your brain and body work. When you