She didn’t intend staying long, just have a little chat and collect the envelope. She was determined to end her silent self-torture about what could be inside. She took a deep breath, rang the doorbell and placed a smile on her face for all to see.
‘Hi, love! Come in, come in!’ said her mother with her usual welcoming, loving face that Holly just wanted to kiss every time she saw her.
‘Hi, Mum. How are you?’ Holly stepped into the house and was comforted by the familiar smell of home. ‘You on your own?’
‘Yes, your father’s out with Declan, buying paint for his room.’
‘Don’t tell me you and Dad are still paying for everything for him?’
‘Well, your father might be, but I’m certainly not. He’s working at nights now so at least he has a bit of pocket money these days. Although we don’t see a penny of it being spent on anything for here,’ she chuckled, and brought Holly to the kitchen where she put the kettle on.
Declan was Holly’s youngest brother and the baby of the family, so her mum and dad still felt they had to spoil him. But their ‘baby’ was now a twenty-two-year-old, studying film production at college and he constantly had a video camera in his hand.
‘What job has he got now?’
Her mother rolled her eyes to heaven. ‘He’s joined some band. The Orgasmic Fish, I think they call themselves, or something like that. I’m sick to death of hearing about it, Holly. If he goes on one more time about who was there at the gigs promising to sign them up and how famous they’re going to be I’ll go mad.’
‘Ah, poor Deco. Don’t worry, he’ll find something eventually.’
‘I know, and it’s funny because, of all you darling children, he’s the least I worry about. He’ll find his way.’
They brought their mugs into the sitting room and settled down in front of the television. ‘You look great, pet. I love the hair. Do you think Leo would ever do mine for me, or am I too old for his styles?’
‘Well, as long as you don’t want Jennifer Aniston’s hairstyle, you’ll have no problems.’ Holly explained about the woman in the salon and they both rolled around laughing.
‘I don’t want the Joan Collins look, so I’ll just stay clear of him.’
‘That might be wise.’
‘Any luck with a job yet?’ Her mother’s voice was casual but Holly knew she was just dying to find out.
‘No, not yet, Mum. To be honest, I haven’t even started looking. I don’t quite know what I want to do.’
‘You’re right,’ her mother nodded. ‘Take your time and think about what you like or else you’ll end up rushing into a job you hate, like the last time.’ Holly was surprised to hear this. In fact, everyone was surprising her these days. Perhaps it was herself with the problem and not the rest of the world after all.
The last job Holly had was working as a secretary for an unforgiving little slimeball in a solicitor’s office. She had been forced to leave her job when the creep failed to understand that she needed time off work to be with her dying husband. Now she had to go looking for a new one. For a new job that was. But at the moment it seemed unimaginable to go to work in the morning.
Holly and her mother sat in a relaxed atmosphere, falling in and out of conversation for a few hours until Holly finally built up the courage to ask for the envelope.
‘Oh, of course, love, I completely forgot about it. I hope it’s nothing important. It’s been there for a long time.’
‘I’ll find out soon enough.’
They said their goodbyes and Holly couldn’t get out of the house quickly enough.
Perching herself on the grass overlooking the golden sand, Holly ran the envelope over her hands. Her mother hadn’t described it very well, for it was not an envelope at all but a thick brown package. The address had been typed onto a plain sticker so she couldn’t even guess the origin. But most importantly, above the address were two words, thick and bold: ‘THE LIST’.
Her stomach did a little dance. If it wasn’t from Gerry, then Holly finally had to accept the fact that he was gone completely from her life and she had to start thinking about existing without him. But if it was from him, though she would be faced with the same future, at least she could hold on to some fresh memory. A memory that would have to last her a lifetime.
Her trembling fingers gently tore at the seal of the package. She turned it upside down and shook the contents out. Out fell ten separate tiny envelopes of the kind you would expect to find on a bouquet of flowers, each with a different month written on them. Her heart missed a few beats as she saw the familiar handwriting on a loose page underneath the pile of envelopes.
It was from Gerry.
Chapter Five
Holly held her breath and with tears in her eyes and a pounding heart, she read the words, aware all the time that the person who had sat down to write to her would never be able to do so again. She ran her fingers over Gerry’s handwriting, knowing that the last person to have touched the page was him.
My darling Holly,
I don’t know where you are or when exactly you are reading this. I just hope that my letter has found you safe and healthy. You whispered to me not long ago that you couldn’t go on alone. You can, Holly.
You are strong and brave and you can get through this. We shared some beautiful times together and you made my life … you made my life. I have no regrets.
But I am just a chapter in your life – there will be many more. Remember our wonderful memories, but please don’t be afraid to make some more.
Thank you for doing me the honour of being my wife. For everything, I am eternally grateful.
Whenever you need me, know that I am with you.
Love for ever,
Your husband and best friend,
Gerry.
PS. I promised a list, so here it is. The following envelopes must be opened exactly when labelled and must be obeyed. And remember, I’m looking out for you, so I will know …
Holly broke down, sadness sweeping over her. Yet she felt relief at the same time; relief that Gerry would somehow continue to be with her for another little while. She leafed through the small white envelopes and searched through the months. It was April now. She had missed March so she delicately picked out the envelope. She opened it slowly, wanting to savour every moment. Inside was a small card with Gerry’s handwriting on it. It read:
Save yourself the bruises and buy a bedside lamp!
PS. I love you …
Her tears turned to laughter as she realised her Gerry was back!
Holly read and reread his letter over and over again in an attempt to summon him back to life. Eventually, when she could no longer see the words through her tears, she looked out to