Ge. Why do you not rather bid me cast your Water? Do you take me for a Doctor? I don't ask you if you are in Health, for your Face bespeaks you so to be; but I ask you how you like your own Condition?
Liv. I am very well in my Body, but sick in my Mind.
Ge. He's not well indeed that is sick in that Part.
Liv. This is my Case, I'm well in my Body, but sick in my Pocket.
Ge. Your Mother will easily cure that Distemper. How have you done for this long Time?
Liv. Sometimes better, and sometimes worse, as human Affairs commonly go.
Ge. Are you very well in health? Are your Affairs in a good Condition? Are your Circumstances as you would have them? Have you always had your Health well?
Liv. Very well, I thank God. By God's Goodness I have always had my Health very well. I have always been very well hitherto. I have been in very good, favourable, secure, happy, prosperous, successful, perfect Health, like a Prince, like a Champion, fit for any Thing.
Ge. God send you may always enjoy the same. I am glad to hear it. You give me a Pleasure in saying so. It is very pleasant to me to hear that. I am glad at my Heart to hear this from you. This is no bad News to me. I am exceeding glad to hear you say so. I wish you may be so always. I wish you may enjoy the same Health as long as you live. In congratulating you, I joy myself, Thanks to Heaven for it.
Li. Indeed I am very well if you are so.
Ge. Well, but have you met with no Trouble all this while?
Li. None but the Want of your good Company.
Ge. Well, but how do you do though?
Li. Well enough, finely, bravely, very well as may be, very well indeed, happily, commodiously, no Way amiss. I enjoy rather what Health I wish, than what I deserved, Princely, Herculean, Champion-like.
Ge. I was expecting when you would say Bull-like too.
Of being Ill.
Ge. Are you in good Health?
Li. I wish I were. Not altogether so well as I would be. Indeed I am so, so. Pretty well. I am as well as I can be, since I can't be so well as I would be. As I use to be. So as it pleases God. Truly not very well. Never worse in all my Life. As I am wont to be. I am as they use to be who have to do with the Doctor.
Ge. How do you do?
Li. Not as I would do.
Ge. Why truly not well, ill, very ill, in an unhappy, unprosperous, unfavourable, bad, adverse, unlucky, feeble, dubious, indifferent, State of Health, not at all as I would, a tolerable, such as I would not wish even to my Enemies.
Ge. You tell me a melancholy Story. Heavens forbid it. God forbid. No more of that I pray. I wish what you say were not true. But you must be of good Chear, you must pluck up a good Heart. A good Heart is a good Help in bad Circumstances. You must bear up your Mind with the Hope of better Fortune. What Distemper is it? What Sort of Disease is it? What Distemper is it that afflicts you? What Distemper are you troubled with?
Li. I can't tell, and in that my Condition is the more dangerous.
Ge. That's true, for when the Disease is known, it is half cured. Have you had the Advice of any Doctor?
Li. Ay, of a great many.
Ge. What do they say to your Case?
Li. What the Lawyers of Demiphon (in the Play) said to him. One says one Thing, another he says another, and the third he'll consider of it. But they all agree in this, that I am in a sad Condition.
Ge. How long have you been taken with this Illness? How long have you been ill of this Distemper? How long has this Illness seiz'd you?
Li. About twenty Days more or less, almost a Month. It's now near three Months. It seems an Age to me since I was first taken ill.
Ge. But I think you ought to take care that the Distemper don't grow upon you.
Li. It has grown too much upon me already.
Ge. Is it a Dropsy?
Li. They say it is not.
Ge. Is it a Dissentery?
Li. I think not.
Ge. Is it a Fever?
Li. I believe it is a Kind of Fever; but a new one, as ever and anon new ones spring up that were unknown before.
Ge. There were more old ones than enough before.
Li. Thus it pleases Nature to deal with us, which is a little too severe.
Ge. How often does the Fit come?
Li. How often do you say? Every Day, nay every Hour indeed.
Ge. O wonderful! It is a sad Affliction. How did you get this Distemper? How do you think you came by it?
Li. By Reason of Want.
Ge. Why you don't use to be so superstitious as to starve yourself with Fasting.
Li. It is not Bigotry but Penury.
Ge. What do you mean by Penury?
Li. I mean I could get no Victuals, I believe it came by a Cold. I fancy I got the Distemper by eating rotten Eggs. By drinking too much Water in my Wine. This Crudity in my Stomach came by eating green Apples.
Ge. But consider whether you han't contracted this Distemper by long and late Studying, by hard Drinking, or immoderate use of Venery? Why don't you send for a Doctor?
Li. I am afraid he should do me more Harm than good. I am afraid he should poison me instead of curing me.
Ge. You ought to chuse one that you can confide in.
Li. If I must dye, I had rather dye once for all, than to be tormented with so many Slops.
Ge. Well then, be your own Doctor. If you can't trust to a Doctor, pray God be your Physician. There have been some that have recover'd their Health, by putting on a Dominican or a Franciscan Fryars Cowl.
Li. And perhaps it had been the same Thing, if they had put on a Whore-master's Cloak. These things have no Effect upon those that have no Faith in 'em.
Ge. Why then, believe that you may recover. Some have been cur'd by making Vows to a Saint.
Li. But I have no Dealings with Saints.
Ge. Then pray to Christ that you may have Faith, and that he would be pleased to bestow the Blessing of Health upon you.
Li. I can't tell whether it would be a Blessing or no.
Ge. Why, is it not a Blessing to be freed from a Distemper?
Li. Sometimes it is better to dye. I ask nothing of him, but only that he'd give me what would be best for me.
Ge. Take something to purge you.
Li. I am laxative enough already.
Ge. Take something to make you go to Stool. You must take a Purge.
Li. I ought to take something that is binding rather, for I am too laxative.
OF ENQUIRING OF A PERSON UPON HIS RETURN
Of interrogating a Person returning from a Journey, concerning War, private Affairs, a Disappointment, great Promises, a Wife Lying-in, Dangers, Losses, &c.
George. Have you had a good and prosperous Journey?
Li. Pretty good; but that there is such Robbing every where.
Ge. This is the Effect of War.
Li.