TRYGAEUS Oh! divine Apollo! what a prodigious big mortar! Oh, what misery the very sight of War causes me! This then is the foe from whom I fly, who is so cruel, so formidable, so stalwart, so solid on his legs!
WAR Oh! Prasiae!13 thrice wretched, five times, aye, a thousand times wretched! for thou shalt be destroyed this day.
TRYGAEUS This does not concern us over much; 'tis only so much the worse for the Laconians.
WAR Oh! Megara! Megara! how utterly are you going to be ground up! what fine mincemeat14 are you to be made into!
TRYGAEUS Alas! alas! what bitter tears there will be among the Megarians!15
WAR Oh, Sicily! you too must perish! Your wretched towns shall be grated like this cheese.16 Now let us pour some Attic honey17 into the mortar.
TRYGAEUS Oh! I beseech you! use some other honey; this kind is worth four obols; be careful, oh! be careful of our Attic honey.
WAR Hi! Tumult, you slave there!
TUMULT What do you want?
WAR Out upon you! Standing there with folded arms! Take this cuff o' the head for your pains.
TUMULT Oh! how it stings! Master, have you got garlic in your fist, I wonder?
WAR Run and fetch me a pestle.
TUMULT But we haven't got one; 'twas only yesterday we moved.
WAR Go and fetch me one from Athens, and hurry, hurry!
TUMULT Aye, I hasten there; if I return without one, I shall have no cause for laughing. (EXIT.)
TRYGAEUS Ah! what is to become of us, wretched mortals that we are? See the danger that threatens if he returns with the pestle, for War will quietly amuse himself with pounding all the towns of Hellas to pieces. Ah! Bacchus! cause this herald of evil to perish on his road!
WAR Well?
TUMULT (WHO HAS RETURNED) Well, what?
WAR You have brought back nothing?
TUMULT Alas! the Athenians have lost their pestle—the tanner, who ground Greece to powder.18
TRYGAEUS Oh! Athene, venerable mistress! 'tis well for our city he is dead, and before he could serve us with this hash.
WAR Then go and seek one at Sparta and have done with it!
TUMULT Aye, aye, master!
WAR Be back as quick as ever you can.
TRYGAEUS (TO THE AUDIENCE) What is going to happen, friends? 'Tis the critical hour. Ah! if there is some initiate of Samothrace19 among you, 'tis surely the moment to wish this messenger some accident—some sprain or strain.
TUMULT (WHO RETURNS) Alas! alas! thrice again, alas!
WAR What is it? Again you come back without it?
TUMULT The Spartans too have lost their pestle.
WAR How, varlet?
TUMULT They had lent it to their allies in Thrace,20 who have lost it for them.
TRYGAEUS Long life to you, Thracians! My hopes revive, pluck up courage, mortals!
WAR Take all this stuff away; I am going in to make a pestle for myself.
TRYGAEUS 'Tis now the time to sing as Datis did, as he abused himself at high noon, "Oh pleasure! oh enjoyment! oh delights!" 'Tis now, oh Greeks! the moment when freed of quarrels and fighting, we should rescue sweet Peace and draw her out of this pit, before some other pestle prevents us. Come, labourers, merchants, workmen, artisans, strangers, whether you be domiciled or not, islanders, come here, Greeks of all countries, come hurrying here with picks and levers and ropes! 'Tis the moment to drain a cup in honour of the Good Genius.
CHORUS Come hither all! quick, hasten to the rescue! All peoples of Greece, now is the time or never, for you to help each other. You see yourselves freed from battles and all their horrors of bloodshed. The day, hateful to Lamachus21, has come. Come then, what must be done? Give your orders, direct us, for I swear to work this day without ceasing, until with the help of our levers and our engines we have drawn back into light the greatest of all goddesses, her to whom the olive is so dear.
TRYGAEUS Silence! if War should hear your shouts of joy he would bound forth from his retreat in fury.
CHORUS Such a decree overwhelms us with joy; how different to the edict, which bade us muster with provisions for three days.22
TRYGAEUS Let us beware lest the cursed Cerberus23 prevent us even from the nethermost hell from delivering the goddess by his furious howling, just as he did when on earth.
CHORUS Once we have hold of her, none in the world will be able to take her from us. Huzza! huzza!24
TRYGAEUS You will work my death if you don't subdue your shouts. War will come running out and trample everything beneath his feet.
CHORUS Well then! LET him confound, let him trample, let him overturn everything! We cannot help giving vent to our joy.
TRYGAEUS Oh! cruel fate! My friends! in the name of the gods, what possesses you? Your dancing will wreck the success of a fine undertaking.
CHORUS 'Tis not I who want to dance; 'tis my legs that bound with delight.
TRYGAEUS Enough, an you love me, cease your gambols.
CHORUS There! 'Tis over.
TRYGAEUS You say so, and nevertheless you go on.
CHORUS Yet one more figure and 'tis done.
TRYGAEUS Well, just this one; then you must dance no more.
CHORUS No, no more dancing, if we can help you.
TRYGAEUS But look, you are not stopping even now.
CHORUS By Zeus, I am only throwing up my right leg, that's all.
TRYGAEUS Come, I grant you that, but pray, annoy me no further.
CHORUS Ah! the left leg too will have its fling; well, 'tis but its right. I am so happy, so delighted at not having to carry my buckler any more. I sing and I laugh more than if I had cast my old age, as a serpent does its skin.
TRYGAEUS No, 'tis not time for joy yet, for you are not sure of success. But when you have got the goddess, then rejoice, shout and laugh; thenceforward you will be able to sail or stay at home, to make love or sleep, to attend festivals and processions, to play at cottabos25, live like true Sybarites and to shout, Io, io!
CHORUS Ah! God grant we may see the blessed day. I have suffered so much; have so oft slept with Phormio26 on hard beds. You will no longer find me an acid, angry, hard judge as heretofore, but will find me turned indulgent and grown younger by twenty years through happiness. We have been killing ourselves long enough, tiring ourselves out with going to the Lyceum27 and returning laden with spear and buckler.—But what can we do to please you? Come, speak; for 'tis a good Fate that has named you our leader.
TRYGAEUS How shall we set about removing these stones?
HERMES Rash reprobate, what do you propose doing?
TRYGAEUS Nothing bad, as Cillicon said28.
HERMES You are undone, you wretch.
TRYGAEUS Yes, if the lot had to decide my life,