FIRST SERVANT For what purpose?
TRYGAEUS I want to ask him what he reckons to do for all the Greeks.
SECOND SERVANT And if he doesn't tell you?
TRYGAEUS I shall pursue him at law as a traitor who sells Greece to the Medes.4
SECOND SERVANT Death seize me, if I let you go.
TRYGAEUS It is absolutely necessary.
SECOND SERVANT Alas! alas! dear little girls, your father is deserting you secretly to go to heaven. Ah! poor orphans, entreat him, beseech him.
LITTLE DAUGHTER Father! father! what is this I hear? Is it true? What! you would leave me, you would vanish into the sky, you would go to the crows?5 'Tis impossible! Answer, father, an you love me.
TRYGAEUS Yes, I am going. You hurt me too sorely, my daughters, when you ask me for bread, calling me your daddy, and there is not the ghost of an obolus in the house; if I succeed and come back, you will have a barley loaf every morning—and a punch in the eye for sauce!
LITTLE DAUGHTER But how will you make the journey? 'Tis not a ship that will carry you thither.
TRYGAEUS No, but this winged steed will.
LITTLE DAUGHTER But what an idea, daddy, to harness a beetle, on which to fly to the gods.
TRYGAEUS We see from Aesop's fables that they alone can fly to the abode of the Immortals.6
LITTLE DAUGHTER Father, father, 'tis a tale nobody can believe! that such a stinking creature can have gone to the gods.
TRYGAEUS It went to have vengeance on the eagle and break its eggs.
LITTLE DAUGHTER Why not saddle Pegasus? you would have a more TRAGIC7 appearance in the eyes of the gods.
TRYGAEUS Eh! don't you see, little fool, that then twice the food would be wanted? Whereas my beetle devours again as filth what I have eaten myself.
LITTLE DAUGHTER And if it fell into the watery depths of the sea, could it escape with its wings?
TRYGAEUS (EXPOSING HIMSELF) I am fitted with a rudder in case of need, and my Naxos beetle will serve me as a boat.8
LITTLE DAUGHTER And what harbour will you put in at?
TRYGAEUS Why is there not the harbour of Cantharos at the Piraeus?9
LITTLE DAUGHTER Take care not to knock against anything and so fall off into space; once a cripple, you would be a fit subject for Euripides, who would put you into a tragedy10.
TRYGAEUS I'll see to it. Good-bye! (TO THE ATHENIANS.) You, for love of whom I brave these dangers, do ye neither let wind nor go to stool for the space of three days, for, if, while cleaving the air, my steed should scent anything, he would fling me head foremost from the summit of my hopes. Now come, my Pegasus, get a-going with up-pricked ears and make your golden bridle resound gaily. Eh! what are you doing? What are you up to? Do you turn your nose towards the cesspools? Come, pluck up a spirit; rush upwards from the earth, stretch out your speedy wings and make straight for the palace of Zeus; for once give up foraging in your daily food.—Hi! you down there, what are you after now? Oh! my god! 'tis a man emptying his belly in the Piraeus, close to the house where the bad girls are. But is it my death you seek then, my death? Will you not bury that right away and pile a great heap of earth upon it and plant wild thyme therein and pour perfumes on it? If I were to fall from up here and misfortune happened to me, the town of Chios11 would owe a fine of five talents for my death, all along of your cursed rump. Alas! how frightened I am! oh! I have no heart for jests. Ah! machinist, take great care of me. There is already a wind whirling round my navel; take great care or, from sheer fright, I shall form food for my beetle.... But I think I am no longer far from the gods; aye, that is the dwelling of Zeus, I perceive. Hullo! Hi! where is the doorkeeper? Will no one open?
HERMES Meseems I can sniff a man. (HE PERCEIVES TRYGAEUS ASTRIDE HIS BEETLE.) Why, what plague is this?
TRYGAEUS A horse-beetle.
HERMES Oh! impudent, shameless rascal! oh! scoundrel! triple scoundrel! the greatest scoundrel in the world! how did you come here? Oh! scoundrel of all scoundrels! your name? Reply.
TRYGAEUS Triple scoundrel.
HERMES Your country?
TRYGAEUS Triple scoundrel.
HERMES Your father?
TRYGAEUS My father? Triple scoundrel.
HERMES By the Earth, you shall die, unless you tell me your name.
TRYGAEUS I am Trygaeus of the Athmonian deme, a good vine-dresser, little addicted to quibbling and not at all an informer.
HERMES Why do you come?
TRYGAEUS I come to bring you this meat.
HERMES Ah! my good friend, did you have a good journey?
TRYGAEUS Glutton, be off! I no longer seem a triple scoundrel to you. Come, call Zeus.
HERMES Ah! ah! you are a long way yet from reaching the gods, for they moved yesterday.
TRYGAEUS To what part of the earth?
HERMES Eh! of the earth, did you say?
TRYGAEUS In short, where are they then?
HERMES Very far, very far, right at the furthest end of the dome of heaven.
TRYGAEUS But why have they left you all alone here?
HERMES I am watching what remains of the furniture, the little pots and pans, the bits of chairs and tables, and odd wine-jars.
TRYGAEUS And why have the gods moved away?
HERMES Because of their wrath against the Greeks. They have located War in the house they occupied themselves and have given him full power to do with you exactly as he pleases; then they went as high up as ever they could, so as to see no more of your fights and to hear no more of your prayers.
TRYGAEUS What reason have they for treating us so?
HERMES Because they have afforded you an opportunity for peace more than once, but you have always preferred war. If the Laconians got the very slightest advantage, they would exclaim, "By the Twin Brethren! the Athenians shall smart for this." If, on the contrary, the latter triumphed and the Laconians came with peace proposals, you would say, "By Demeter, they want to deceive us. No, by Zeus, we will not hear a word; they will always be coming as long as we hold Pylos."12
TRYGAEUS Yes, that is quite the style our folk do talk in.
HERMES So that I don't know whether you will ever see Peace again.
TRYGAEUS Why, where has she gone to then?
HERMES War has cast her into a deep pit.
TRYGAEUS Where?
HERMES Down there, at the very bottom. And you see what heaps of stones he has piled over the top, so that you should never pull her out again.
TRYGAEUS Tell me, what is War preparing against us?
HERMES All I know is that last evening he brought along a huge mortar.
TRYGAEUS And what is he going to do with his mortar?
HERMES He wants to pound up all the cities of Greece in it.... But I must say good-bye, for I think he is coming out; what an uproar he is making!
TRYGAEUS Ah! great gods! let us seek safety; meseems I already hear the noise of this fearful war mortar.
WAR (ENTERS, CARRYING A HUGE MORTAR) Oh! mortals, mortals, wretched mortals,