Ten days later mother already understood what occurs around her and participated in talks. Even more she often took me on hands. Mummy remembered her children and was depressed. She began to feed me, but she had no enough milk and continued to give me diluted goat or cow milk. So I was born, so passed my first days. Because of all that occurred, and also cares of mother’s life, none of eyewitnesses remembered exact date of my birth.
I was writing down only a few months later so I celebrate birthday on the fifth of January.
And there, in the house, that day when the father was on the way, the same relatives that many times created quarrels and problems gathered. When they saw in the cold house three crying and hungry children they regretted them and brought from the houses something to feed them. Someone brought firewood, someone bread, someone balls, milk, meat, and one brought sweets. They kindled fire and fed hungry children. When children gorged on and received sweets they told as their father beats every day mother and accuses for all bad that occurs in their family.
“Now he took away her somewhere far and now we will never see her! – The senior explained and began to roar.
With him two others together began to cry too, as well as many comers to them.
One of them told:
“People, think of soul! Look that we did because of our nonsense? We’ve destroyed the whole family and only God knows what will happen with these kids and with their pregnant mother. The great sin was made. I want to be the first when Nedzhelko returns, to come to him, to apologize and tell that we went too far. It would be good to gather everything and to help him with everything. Look what poverty is here. Without taking into account the fact that the mother banished him from the house without inheritance and money, we pulled hard on him. Because of us he banished his wife and left these three small children without mother”.
All were silent as grown dumb. They were shamed to have a look each other in eyes. They went home. When father exhausted and wet came back home, there were what to look at. When he took away mother, in the house there was nothing – neither firewood, nor food. Now it was warm in the house and much of everything appeared. The eldest son began to tell him, what happened, and here someone knocked at the door. Father opened and saw frozen faces of their relatives. He allowed them to enter. There was no place to sit down. In the kitchen, there were only four chairs, and there were seven relatives. He offered them and they seated on chairs and on the bed. One of them on behalf of all began to talk:
“We saw as you returned and considering that we already visited your children and saw to what led our silly jokes, we understood that it went too far. We gathered and came to ask to forgive us and again to return to these children mother who isn’t guilty of our nonsense”.
For father, there wasn’t enough chair and he sat down on the log which was in a corner. There was nothing to treat them and there was no any binge in the house. He looked at them and as didn’t understand any word. He looked and suddenly began to laugh. All looked with surprise at him, and he laughed more and stronger. Then his laughter developed into crying to which children joined. There was everything in it: sufferings, helplessness, grief, pain and disappointment which collected in him for these two years. He wanted to tell all about hard it was for him, but only because of the huge tension, which was inside, he began to shout. He laughed, cried, shouted and eventually banished all from the house.
All saw what the devil made the business and father had nervous breakdown. They called an ambulance. When doctors came and saw his state, at once they took him away to hospital.
The same relatives, because of whom he got into such situation, began to care for children who remained alone in the house. Some began to look for mother to return her as soon as possible, but to the mountain village the message reached only in twenty – seven days. Convalescence of father lasted more than one and a half month. At this time nothing lacked children. For the twenty eighth day, as the father was brought to hospital, grandfather brought me and my mother home. Later, when I grew up, grandfather told me that brothers and sisters didn’t recognize us. Then mother took them on arms and children instinctively felt their mother. On two horses grandfather brought different products.
Next day together with mother they went to hospital to visit father. Because of tablets and injections he felt much better. Now it was possible to speak with him about everything. Again, he became the same good husband. Mother asked whether anybody from his family came to visit him.
“For all this time, which I spent here, only you two visited me and I am most guilty before you. Gatso, I ask you to forgive me, she is my wife and her duty is to forgive me, if not because of me, then for the sake of small children”.
“Leave it, Nedzhelko. You shouldn’t mention it. If you were healthy so you could to written out from here earlier, all the rest is trifle” – answered grandfather to him while mother wiped tears.
On fathers’ face appeared smile as once in the beginnings of their marriage when they were happy. He told them about that case when relatives gathered to apologize for what they’ve done when saw what brought their acts to. Then father promised them that he won’t drink any more. And he felt sorry for that as he behaved when was with grandfather. It is illness, nervous tension made this with him. In two hours after they talked about everything, grandfather and mother went to the doctor to find out about his state of health and when he would be allowed to go home. The doctor told that the condition of mentality of father is changeable. Some time it is excellent, he speaks and understands what he is doing, but it happens – he is completely lost, doesn’t know where he is and what he speaks. His treatment will last for ten – fifteen days more.
Next day grandfather went back, and mother remained to care for us. Relatives also brought something, but there were enough products brought by grandfather. So, we lived carefree all the time of fatherly treatment. At last, mother went to take away father from hospital and we remained to wait at home. For these fifteen days, none of his family came to visit him. They didn’t visit him and mother’s sister who tried to merry her daughter with him.
“Poor creature, and for God it is heavy to care about you!” – My mother often whispered.
Only occasionally father didn’t know that he does and speaks. He ceased to drink. From all forces worked equipping this lodge constructed by own hands. He worked hard and built. Within two years after completely stopped drinking in everything improvement was visible. Mother became pregnant again. During this time, while we fought for survival, relatives of father married his sister and married his brother. They organized weddings both for sister and for brother. Of course, father wasn’t invited as they had no contacts. These events very much touched him. After all tablets and the injections given in hospital the doctors prohibited him strictly to take any alcohol. But he made it. Again, all that with huge work was created fell in water. Father more and more got drunk day by day. Mother gave birth to daughter. In such conditions while we were more often hungry, than full, there passed two more years. In our lodge, only with kitchen and a room, there was neither floor, nor electricity, and I didn’t speak about water and a bathtub. In the kitchen, there are a wooden bed, a table, four loosened chairs and two benches on which could sit children, the furnace on firewood and in a corner a rack for ware. And in the room except three big beds made by father there was one case for clothes.
We, children, had our own world. We played a blind – man’s – buff and other games as we had no toys to play them as other children. Very few people came to us. So, we played. So it was at this day too. I was three and a half years old when during the game in a blind – man’s – buff I struck left knee. I cried a little, but after a while continued to play with brothers and sisters. Next day grandfather came and brought different food. At that day father was half – drunk. Mother prepared a little to