Workplace Conflict Resolution Essentials For Dummies. Scott Vivian

that are vague or too open to interpretation can cause problems. If you’re using one of the following words or phrases, consider whether you can be more precise:

      

Sometimes

      

In a timely manner

      

As needed

      

To my satisfaction

      

A few

      

Several

      

Often

      

Frequently

      

When you get a chance

      

Be proactive and use specifics whenever possible. If you have an expectation that the sales receipts need to be turned in ‘at the end of the day’, say that what you really mean is ‘by 5.30 pm each and every day’. Being specific avoids confusion and uncertainty.

       Avoiding inflammatory language

      Using the wrong language can make a good situation bad or a bad situation worse. By choosing inflammatory words to get a message across, you can easily sound insulting, insensitive, hurtful or just plain mean. Some inflammatory words, such as name-calling, are very obvious. Calling someone stupid, lazy or incompetent can get you in trouble, not only with your team or manager but also with the human resources department!

      Beyond the obvious, some words are just easier for a listener to hear. For example, if an employee or colleague approaches you and says, ‘I hate my job’, you’ll probably have a negative reaction. If the same employee instead says, ‘I’m dissatisfied with my job’, your reaction would be quite different. Some words have a negative impact, and the trick to getting a more positive reaction from listeners is to find more neutral words that they won’t find offensive. I provide hints on neutralising language in Chapter 7.

Body language: Others’ and your own

      Another important element in an individual’s communication arsenal is body language. Body language goes beyond obvious gestures (like showing someone your appreciation when he cuts you off in traffic!) and encompasses everything people do physically while they’re in a conversation.

      Body language that’s open and encouraging includes

      

Facing the person who’s speaking

      

Making good eye contact

      

Nodding occasionally

      

Having arms in an open position rather than crossed in front of the chest

      Body language can also be closed and discourage communication. The following will shut down the conversation and probably earn you a reputation for being rude:

      

Not looking at the person speaking

      

Rolling your eyes

      

Having an expressionless face, frowning or squinting to indicate the speaker isn’t making any sense

      

Staring off into space

      

Turning your back to the speaker

      

Pay attention to your group and make note of body language during tense or heated conversations. Do the same when things are going well and note the difference.

      Be aware of the nonverbal cues you’re giving off in the workplace, and be aware of the nonverbal cues you’re getting from everyone else. Clenched fists, tightness in the shoulders and increased breathing can all indicate stress, whereas a relaxed posture, leaning back in the chair and a smile can mean happiness and contentment. What do these gestures say about the work environment, your team and yourself? When you know what to look for, you can tell a lot about someone’s day before she even says a word.

      

Use body language as a clue to discern what may be going on, but don’t use it exclusively. If a co-worker walks into the office one day, doesn’t say hello and immediately sits down at her desk, maybe she’s mad at you – or maybe she has a very busy day ahead and wants to stay focused. Making some assumptions about body language is fine, but check out those assumptions before acting or reacting badly. For more information on assumptions, see Chapter 3.

Discerning tone of voice

      A largely under-recognised yet critical part of verbal communication is tone of voice. How something is said – either the tone used or the inflection given – can completely change the meaning of the words. Without knowing whether the speaker’s intent is to be funny, sarcastic, serious or sincere, a person may respond inappropriately. This often happens to people who communicate predominantly in writing. The written word leaves tone of voice open to interpretation, and you don’t want to learn that lesson the hard way.