In Chapter 10, I discuss how to resolve conflict when larger groups are involved.
Tapping into Conflict Resolution Expertise
You don’t have to go it alone when addressing conflict. And you don’t need to jump in and attack the situation without first looking at the tools available to you. Create a customised approach by looking at what’s already in place and then how to augment that with a little help from your friends.
The human resources (HR) department is an obvious place to start when you begin your search for advice and insight about a conflict. These personnel professionals can help you investigate an employee’s work history and interpret company policy or employment law. They often lend a hand with customised trainings and can identify employee assistance programs such as counselling and addiction specialists.
Flip to Chapter 11 for more about internal resources you may be able to utilise in a conflict.
Chapter 2
Understanding What People Bring to Conflict
In This Chapter
Each person in your workplace is a complex system of past experiences, beliefs, values, opinions and emotions. Each has different ways of communicating, processing the things around him or her, and handling conflict.
This chapter helps you gain a better insight into the people on your team – why they see things the way they do, why they react to different people in different ways, and how their emotions can complicate the whole situation. You can start to understand how your colleagues’ personal beliefs and attributes contribute to the team dynamic and sometimes contribute to conflict (which is normal, natural and inevitable, by the way) so that you can build better working relationships and a more productive working environment. You’ll see the broader foundation of conflict and be more prepared to proactively reduce and perhaps prevent it.
Rediscovering Communication
Good communication is the hallmark of a productive working relationship. Easier said than done, right? Even when you believe you’re being crystal clear, it’s possible that the other person doesn’t understand what you’re really trying to say. This happens for a variety of reasons, including differences in goals, misunderstandings with language, ambiguous body language and misinterpretations of tone of voice.
Reaching agreement is commonly thought of as the goal of communication, but this misconception is often one of the most unnecessary causes of conflicts. Instead, focus on creating understanding – and understanding doesn’t mean agreeing. It isn’t necessary for the two people in conflict to see eye to eye and walk away holding hands, but it’s helpful if they can talk to each other respectfully, feel heard by each other, and gain a greater understanding of the situation and the other person.
The old cliché ‘agree to disagree’ may be coming to mind. In a way, this saying is both accurate and inaccurate. The two people in the conflict may end their discussion on this note, and that’s fine as long as they both put forth a 100-per-cent effort to listen and understand each other. Unfortunately, most people use this saying as a quick way to end a conversation. They’re tired of trying to talk with the other person so they agree to disagree as a polite way of brushing off the other person. That’s not what striving for understanding is about.
Ultimately, if two people have a real and productive conversation where they both listen and feel heard, they’ll probably find more in common with each other and find more points to agree on. Changing the goal of communication is a new way to think about it and, even if you’re not directly involved in the conflict, if you shift your thinking, you’ll have a head start on working with employees to solve their issues.
One of the most common contributors to miscommunication is language. The words you use can lead to misinterpretations and negative reactions, either because you choose words that don’t accurately express what you’re trying to say or you use words that the listener finds inappropriate or insulting. In some cases, the miscommunication is simply a matter of semantics (the meaning and interpretation of words).
Making sure you’re on the same page
Words are slippery things, and the same word can have different meanings for different people. The best ways to avoid misunderstandings are to be specific and to get creative. Take more time in a conversation, choose your words carefully and ask clarifying questions. If you suspect semantics are getting in the way, take a moment to define the word in question. State what that word means to you, and ask the other person what it means to her. This clarification could shed light on the disagreement.
When starting a conversation, try to avoid misunderstandings by giving thought to what information you’re trying to relay or gather, and then formulate a statement or question that meets that goal. For example, asking a colleague to respect you isn’t as clear as asking her to respect you by not playing practical jokes on you. Telling your boss that you want time off isn’t as clear as requesting leave for the week of 1 January.