“You are a Carlist.”
“And why not? Despotism pleases me; it implies a certain contempt for the human race. I have no animosity against kings, they are so amusing. Is it nothing to sit enthroned in a room, at a distance of thirty million leagues from the sun?”
“Let us once more take a broad view of civilization,” said the man of learning who, for the benefit of the inattentive sculptor, had opened a discussion on primitive society and autochthonous races. “The vigor of a nation in its origin was in a way physical, unitary, and crude; then as aggregations increased, government advanced by a decomposition of the primitive rule, more or less skilfully managed. For example, in remote ages national strength lay in theocracy, the priest held both sword and censer; a little later there were two priests, the pontiff and the king. To-day our society, the latest word of civilization, has distributed power according to the number of combinations, and we come to the forces called business, thought, money, and eloquence. Authority thus divided is steadily approaching a social dissolution, with interest as its one opposing barrier. We depend no longer on either religion or physical force, but upon intellect. Can a book replace the sword? Can discussion be a substitute for action? That is the question.”
“Intellect has made an end of everything,” cried the Carlist. “Come now! Absolute freedom has brought about national suicides; their triumph left them as listless as an English millionaire.”
“Won’t you tell us something new? You have made fun of authority of all sorts to-day, which is every bit as vulgar as denying the existence of God. So you have no belief left, and the century is like an old Sultan worn out by debauchery! Your Byron, in short, sings of crime and its emotions in a final despair of poetry.”
“Don’t you know,” replied Bianchon, quite drunk by this time, “that a dose of phosphorus more or less makes the man of genius or the scoundrel, a clever man or an idiot, a virtuous person or a criminal?”
“Can any one treat of virtue thus?” cried Cursy. “Virtue, the subject of every drama at the theatre, the denoument of every play, the foundation of every court of law…”
“Be quiet, you ass. You are an Achilles for virtue, without his heel,” said Bixiou.
“Some drink!”
“What will you bet that I will drink a bottle of champagne like a flash, at one pull?”
“What a flash of wit!”
“Drunk as lords,” muttered a young man gravely, trying to give some wine to his waistcoat.
“Yes, sir; real government is the art of ruling by public opinion.”
“Opinion? That is the most vicious jade of all. According to you moralists and politicians, the laws you set up are always to go before those of nature, and opinion before conscience. You are right and wrong both. Suppose society bestows down pillows on us, that benefit is made up for by the gout; and justice is likewise tempered by red-tape, and colds accompany cashmere shawls.”
“Wretch!” Emile broke in upon the misanthrope, “how can you slander civilization here at table, up to the eyes in wines and exquisite dishes? Eat away at that roebuck with the gilded horns and feet, and do not carp at your mother…”
“Is it any fault of mine if Catholicism puts a million deities in a sack of flour, that Republics will end in a Napoleon, that monarchy dwells between the assassination of Henry IV. and the trial of Louis XVI., and Liberalism produces Lafayettes?”
“Didn’t you embrace him in July?”
“No.”
“Then hold your tongue, you sceptic.”
“Sceptics are the most conscientious of men.”
“They have no conscience.”
“What are you saying? They have two apiece at least!”
“So you want to discount heaven, a thoroughly commercial notion. Ancient religions were but the unchecked development of physical pleasure, but we have developed a soul and expectations; some advance has been made.”
“What can you expect, my friends, of a century filled with politics to repletion?” asked Nathan. “What befell The History of the King of Bohemia and his Seven Castles, a most entrancing conception?..”
“I say,” the would-be critic cried down the whole length of the table. “The phrases might have been drawn at hap-hazard from a hat, ‘twas a work written ‘down to Charenton.’”
“You are a fool!”
“And you are a rogue!”
“Oh! oh!”
“Ah! ah!”
“They are going to fight.”
“No, they aren’t.”
“You will find me to-morrow, sir.”
“This very moment,” Nathan answered.
“Come, come, you pair of fire-eaters!”
“You are another!” said the prime mover in the quarrel.
“Ah, I can’t stand upright, perhaps?” asked the pugnacious Nathan, straightening himself up like a stag-beetle about to fly.
He stared stupidly round the table, then, completely exhausted by the effort, sank back into his chair, and mutely hung his head.
“Would it not have been nice,” the critic said to his neighbor, “to fight about a book I have neither read nor seen?”
“Emile, look out for your coat; your neighbor is growing pale,” said Bixiou.
“Kant? Yet another ball flung out for fools to sport with, sir! Materialism and spiritualism are a fine pair of battledores with which charlatans in long gowns keep a shuttlecock a-going. Suppose that God is everywhere, as Spinoza says, or that all things proceed from God, as says St. Paul… the nincompoops, the door shuts or opens, but isn’t the movement the same? Does the fowl come from the egg, or the egg from the fowl?.. Just hand me some duck… and there, you have all science.”
“Simpleton!” cried the man of science, “your problem is settled by fact!”
“What fact?”
“Professors’ chairs were not made for philosophy, but philosophy for the professors’ chairs. Put on a pair of spectacles and read the budget.”
“Thieves!”
“Nincompoops!”
“Knaves!”
“Gulls!”
“Where but in Paris will you find such a ready and rapid exchange of thought?” cried Bixiou in a deep, bass voice.
“Bixiou! Act a classical farce for us! Come now.”
“Would you like me to depict the nineteenth century?”
“Silence.”
“Pay attention.”
“Clap a muffle on your trumpets.”
“Shut up, you Turk!”
“Give him some wine, and let that fellow keep quiet.”
“Now, then, Bixiou!”
The artist buttoned his black coat to the collar, put on yellow gloves, and began to burlesque the Revue des Deux Mondes by acting a squinting old lady; but the uproar drowned his voice, and no one heard a word of the satire. Still, if he did not catch the spirit of the century, he represented the Revue at any rate, for his own intentions were not very clear to him.
Dessert was served as if by magic. A huge epergne of gilded bronze