Planning A Wedding For Dummies. Sarah Lizabeth Barker

can’t see your bridal party in person, at minimum call them rather than texting them. You need to speak to them directly and tell them how much it would mean to you if they were in your wedding. Make sure that they are comfortable with the financial obligations and commitment of supporting you during the process.

       Write a letter. A handwritten letter is a special way to ask your bridal party to be in your wedding. We don’t often receive letters in the mail anymore, so this is very meaningful. A personal letter to each member of your bridal party isn’t elaborate but would mean so much to the recipients. Explain in the letter why you want them to be in your wedding. Include the date and location to make sure that when they respond to your letter, they can make it to your wedding.

       Gift or gift basket. Many resources online have cute premade gifts to help pop the question. Who doesn’t love a good gift? A themed gift asking them to be on your squad is even better. If you make your own, include bridal party items such a tumbler with “Maid of Honor,” “Best Man,” “Bridesmaid,” or “Groomsman” imprinted on it. You could send a robe or cufflinks, and a mini bottle of champagne. Send a puzzle that they must put together that says, “Will you be my bridesmaid?” or “Will you be my groomsman?” The options are endless, so be creative and have fun designing the perfect gift for your crew. Whatever you choose, make sure to include a card asking them to be in your wedding.

Showers, Bashes, and Parties

      One of my favorite parts of the wedding planning process are all the parties that are thrown in your honor leading up to the big day. They bring people together who may or may not be able to attend your wedding but want to celebrate with you.

      The problem is that few people know how many parties to have. How many is too little? How many is too much? We expect that if someone is getting married for the first time, they will have lots of showers and parties, but what if this isn’t your first marriage — do you still get to celebrate? I believe all good things should be celebrated, and you should be celebrated no matter your life story.

      You are probably wondering, if you do have parties, who throws them? What do you do if no one has offered to throw you a party? How many guests do you invite to your parties? What do you wear? These are all questions we’ll address in this section. Additionally, we’ll discuss gift registries, the bachelorette bash, bachelor party, couples’ shower, and bridal shower. It’s time to sit back and be pampered a bit. It will go by fast, and this is one of the moments I want you to enjoy.

      Gift registries

      Registering for gifts is a fun task to do together. First, you must determine your need. Wherever you are in life, you both bring different items into your marriage. You may have a lot of stuff while your fiancé has just the basics. It’s important to consolidate your items and determine what you need. If you register in a store, they’ll give you a scanner. Trust me, it’s so much fun scanning everything on display and listening to the beep-beep of the scanner. You may want to scan every item you see but in reality, you do not need everything in aisle 44 or maybe you do?

      

Before you start registering for gifts, sit down with your fiancé and come up with a list of items that you need. Do you need new pots and pans, towels, lamps, decorative items, coffee mugs, or a new coffee machine? Think about when you make a list before you go to the grocery store so you spend less money and avoid thinking that you need all those snacks. It prevents you from getting home to make dinner, realizing you really didn’t buy any actual food, and now you’re trying to create a meal out of popcorn and doughnuts. The same thing is true for your gift registries. Come up with a plan before you search online or in a store. It will help you avoid getting a cute lamp but no shade, or ten throw blankets.

This is your next team-building experience. You are designing the home in which you will start your life together. How exciting is that? You’ll learn a lot about your fiancé that you might not have known. I’m not exactly sure why picking out home items changes people. You look over at your fiancé and all of a sudden they are so excited to choose silverware. Maybe you realize they have horrible taste when it comes to interior design. Whichever way, it gives you an opportunity to learn about each other and grow closer together.

      

Once you have a plan in place on what you need, it’s time to go to the store or start a registry online. If you choose to go to a store, stay away from the local mom-and-pops that guests who don’t live in that area can’t resource. I love to shop local, and I encourage you to do that if there is a store that you love. Use that store for a bridal shower or couples’ shower in your area where everyone invited is local. Pick national chains where all your guests can access your registry in-store or online for your wedding.

      

When the gifts are picked out, include your registry links on a wedding website or with your invitation on a registry card. (Head to Chapter 7 for more information on sharing your registry on your wedding website.) Some of your guests may not be tech savvy and would prefer to have a card with the information over an online link. It’s important to share this information with your guests so that you don’t end up with ten silver platters that you don’t want.

      You and your fiancé may find that you have everything you need. If that’s the case, consider a cash or honeymoon fund. Those can be easily created online and again linked on your wedding website or shared with your guests on a registry card in your invitation. If you choose to go this route, please know that many guests like to purchase tangible items. Most of your guests will likely do what you ask but some will want to get you a physical gift.

       Cash Fund. A cash fund is where you ask your guests to give you cash rather than a conventual wedding gift. Several online services can help you set this up. You’ll link your cash registry to your financial institution and the company you pick will send the money your guests give you straight to your bank account. They will take a percentage of the gift to cover the fees associated with the transaction. So, for example, if your guests give you $100, you may receive only $97.00. You can also apply the cash funds towards a larger item such as a new refrigerator or washer and dryer. Your guests will see how much has been contributed to that item and can add to that fund as they like.Designating items that you would like the money to go to will help those guests who don’t want to just give you cash on your wedding day. They may feel it’s too impersonal or they don’t have a lot of cash to contribute to your fund and don’t want their name on a website saying they gave you $25 when they really want to be able to give you $100. Picking out items that they can contribute to will help them feel like their gift is of value and is going towards a specific item.

       Honeymoon Fund. A honeymoon fund is a way to ask your guests to contribute towards your honeymoon. There are several online resources that can help you set this up. Again, you’ll link your honeymoon fund to your wedding website or send it with your invitations on a registry card. Your guests can pay toward your flights or hotel rooms for your honeymoon.A downside to this is that you’ll typically plan your honeymoon before the guests receive your registry. Having a honeymoon fund can cause stress late in the process because you must wait to book your travel. You may also be limited on the nights you can travel based on how much has been contributed.

      The only time not to register for gifts is if you are planning a destination wedding hosted at an all-inclusive resort or overseas. A destination wedding is where all your guests travel to a location other than their home for your wedding. They all pay for their travel, hotel, and food. They are spending a lot of money to be a part of your day; this is their gift to you. Don’t worry; some people will still bring a gift or give you cash. Just as for traditional guests, send a thank-you note to those who traveled to be a part of your big day. Even if they didn’t send you a tangible gift, they deserve to