Topándy, seeing there was no escape, turned entreatingly to the gendarmes who accompanied the magistrate.
"Boys, cherubims without wings, two of you come here and seize me, that I may not run away."
They obeyed him and laid hands on him.
"Well, my dear magistrate, fire away."
The worthy magistrate was annoyed, that this sorry business could not in any way assume a serious aspect.
"In the first place I come to see the execution of that judgment which the honorable Court has passed upon you."
"I bow my head,"—growled Topándy in a tone of derisive subservience.
"You have in your household youths and young girls growing up in various branches of service, who, born here, have never yet been baptized, thanks to your sinful neglect."
"Excuse me, the general drying up of wells. … "
"Don't interrupt me," bawled the magistrate. "You should have produced your defence then and there, when and where you were accused; but as you did not appear at the appointed time, and obstinately procrastinated, you must listen to the sentence. All those boys and girls brought up within your premises must be taken into the country town and baptized according to the ordinances of religion."
"Could not the matter be finished here at once by the spring?"
The magistrate was beside himself with anger. But the good lawyer only smiled and said:
"Pray, sir, show a little common sense. The County Court compels none, against his will, to be a Christian: still one must belong to some religion. So if your lordship will not take the trouble to go with his household to the 'pater,' well, we shall take him to the rabbi: that will do just as well."
Topándy laughingly shook a menacing fist at the lawyer.
"You're a great gibbet! You always manage me. Well, let us rather go to the 'pater' than to the rabbi; but at least let my servants keep their old names."
"That is also inadmissible," answered the magistrate severely. "You have given your servants names, of a kind not usually borne by men. One is called Pirók,23 another Czinke:24 the name of one little girl—God save the mark—is Beelzebub! Who would register such names as these? They will all receive respectable names to be found in the Christian calendar; and any one, who dares to call them by the names they have hitherto borne shall pay as great a fine as if he had purposely calumniated a fellow-man. How many are there whom you have kept back in this manner from the water of Christianity?"
23 Chaffinch.
24 Titmouse, names of birds given as pet names to these servants.
"Four butlers, three maid-servants and two parrots."
"Perjurer! Your every word is spittle in the face of the true believers."
"Oh, gag me. I beg you to save me from perjury."
"Kindly call the people in question."
Topándy turned round and called to his butler who stood behind him:
"Produce Pirók, Estergályos,25 Seprünyél,26 then Kakukfü,27 and Macskaláb;28 comfort them with the news that they are going to enter Heaven, and will receive a fur-coat, a pair of boots, and a good gourd, from which the wine will never fail: all the gift of the honorable County Court."
25 Turner.
26 Broom.
27 Thyme.
28 Catsfoot.
"For my part," said the young representative of the law, standing on tip-toe, "I must ask you seriously to answer, with the moderation due to our presence, have you hidden any one?"
"Whether I have stolen away someone on hell's account? No, my dear fellow, I don't court Satan's acquaintance either: let him catch men for himself, if he can."
"I have a mandatum for your examination on oath."
"Keep your mandatum in your pocket, and measure out thirty florins' worth of oats from my granary: that's the fine. For I don't intend to be examined on oath."
"Indeed?"
"Of course. If you bid me, I will swear: I'm a rare hand at it; I can swear for half an hour at a stretch without repeating myself."
Again the smiling lawyer intervened:
"Give us your word of honor, then, that besides those produced, there is no servant in your household who has not yet been baptized."
"Well, I give you my word of honor that there is not 'in my household' even a living creature who is a pagan."
Topándy's word of honor only just escaped being broken for that gypsy-girl, whom he had bought in her sixth year from encamping gypsies for two dollars and a sucking pig, now, ten years later, did not belong any more to the household, but presided at table when gentlefolk came to dinner. But she still bore that heathen name, which she had received in the reedy thicket. She was still called Czipra.
And the godless fellow had snatched her away from the water of Christianity.
"Has the honorable Court any other complaint to make against me?"
"Yes, indeed. Not merely do you force your household to be pagan, but you are accused of disturbing in their religious services others who make no secret of their devout feelings."
"For example?"
"Just opposite you is the courtyard of Mr. Nepomuk John Sárvölgyi,29 who is a very righteous man."
29 Mud-valley.
"As far as I know, quite the opposite: he is always praying, a fact which proves that his sins must be very numerous."
"It is not your business to judge him. In our common world it is a merit, if someone dares to display to the public eye the fact that he still respects religion, and it is the duty of the law to protect him."
"Well, and how have I scandalized the good fellow?"
"Not long ago Mr. Sárvölgyi had a large Saint Nepomuk painted on the façade of his house, in oils on a sheet of bronze, and before the chief figure he was himself painted, in a kneeling position."
"I know: I saw it."
"From the lips of St. Nepomuk was flowing down in 'lapidarig' letters to the kneeling figure the following Latin saying: 'Mi fili, ego te nunquam deseram.'"
"I read the words."
"An iron grating was placed before the picture, and covered the whole niche, that infamous