EVANS
You are a very simplicity ‘oman; I pray you, peace. What is “lapis,” William?
WILLIAM
A stone.
EVANS
And what is “a stone,” William?
WILLIAM
A pebble.
EVANS
No, it is “lapis”; I pray you remember in your prain.
WILLIAM
Lapis.
EVANS
That is a good William. What is he, William, that does lend articles?
WILLIAM
Articles are borrowed of the pronoun, and be thus declined: Singulariter, nominativo; hic, haec, hoc.
EVANS
Nominativo, hig, hag, hog; pray you, mark: genitivo, hujus. Well, what is your accusative case?
WILLIAM
Accusativo, hinc.
EVANS
I pray you, have your remembrance, child. Accusativo, hung, hang, hog.
QUICKLY
“Hang-hog” is Latin for bacon, I warrant you.
EVANS
Leave your prabbles, ‘oman. What is the focative case, William?
WILLIAM
O vocativo, O.
EVANS
Remember, William: focative is caret.
QUICKLY
And that’s a good root.
EVANS
‘Oman, forbear.
MRS. PAGE
Peace.
EVANS
What is your genitive case plural, William?
WILLIAM
Genitive case?
EVANS
Ay.
WILLIAM
Genitive: horum, harum, horum.
QUICKLY
Vengeance of Jenny’s case; fie on her! Never name her, child, if she be a whore.
EVANS
For shame, ‘oman.
QUICKLY
You do ill to teach the child such words. He teaches him to hick and to hack, which they’ll do fast enough of themselves; and to call “horum;” fie upon you!
EVANS
‘Oman, art thou lunatics? Hast thou no understandings for thy cases, and the numbers of the genders? Thou art as foolish Christian creatures as I would desires.
MRS. PAGE
Prithee, hold thy peace.
EVANS
Show me now, William, some declensions of your pronouns.
WILLIAM
Forsooth, I have forgot.
EVANS
It is qui, quae, quod; if you forget your “quis”, your “quaes”, and your “quods”, you must be preeches. Go your ways and play; go.
MRS. PAGE
He is a better scholar than I thought he was.
EVANS
He is a good sprag memory. Farewell, Mistress Page.
MRS. PAGE
Adieu, good Sir Hugh.
[Exit SIR HUGH.]
Get you home, boy. Come, we stay too long.
[Exeunt.]
SCENE II. A room in Ford’s house
[Enter FALSTAFF and MISTRESS FORD.]
FALSTAFF
Mistress Ford, your sorrow hath eaten up my sufferance. I see you are obsequious in your love, and I profess requital to a hair’s breadth; not only, Mistress Ford, in the simple office of love, but in all the accoutrement, complement, and ceremony of it. But are you sure of your husband now?
MRS. FORD
He’s a-birding, sweet Sir John.
MRS. PAGE
[Within] What ho! gossip Ford, what ho!
MRS. FORD
Step into the chamber, Sir John.
[Exit FALSTAFF.]
[Enter MISTRESS PAGE.]
MRS. PAGE
How now, sweetheart! who’s at home besides yourself?
MRS. FORD
Why, none but mine own people.
MRS. PAGE
Indeed!
MRS. FORD
No, certainly. —
[Aside to her] Speak louder.
MRS. PAGE
Truly, I am so glad you have nobody here.
MRS. FORD
Why?
MRS. PAGE
Why, woman, your husband is in his old lunes again. He so takes on yonder with my husband; so rails against all married mankind; so curses all Eve’s daughters, of what complexion soever; and so buffets himself on the forehead, crying “Peer out, peer out!” that any madness I ever yet beheld seemed but tameness, civility, and patience, to this his distemper he is in now. I am glad the fat knight is not here.
MRS. FORD
Why, does he talk of him?
MRS. PAGE
Of none but him; and swears he was carried out, the last time he searched for him, in a basket; protests to my husband he is now here; and hath drawn him and the rest of their company from their sport, to make another experiment of his suspicion. But I am glad the knight is not here; now he shall see his own foolery.
MRS. FORD
How near is he, Mistress Page?
MRS. PAGE
Hard by, at street end; he will be here anon.
MRS. FORD
I am undone! the knight is here.
MRS. PAGE
Why, then, you are utterly shamed, and he’s but a dead man. What a woman are you! Away with him, away with him! better shame than murder.
MRS. FORD
Which way should he go? How should I bestow him? Shall I put him into the basket again?
[Re-enter FALSTAFF.]
FALSTAFF
No, I’ll come no more i’ the basket. May I not go out ere he come?
MRS. PAGE
Alas! three of Master Ford’s brothers watch the door with pistols, that none shall issue out; otherwise you might slip away ere he came. But what make you here?
FALSTAFF
What shall I do? I’ll creep up into the chimney.
MRS. FORD
There they always use to discharge their birding-pieces.
MRS. PAGE