“Does he? Really?”
“Close enough.”
“Seems rather pointless to hate someone who’s dead,” Hayley said, her tone so neutral Alyssa knew it was intentional.
“It is, but he can’t let go. It’s the only pointless thing he does in his life.”
“Why?”
“It’s a long story.”
“We have all morning,” Hayley said, gesturing toward the romping dog and child. “I think they’re having so much fun it would be sad to interrupt them.”
Alyssa smiled. Luke was having fun, and it warmed her heart. Plus, there was something about this woman that made this feel more like sharing with a trusted friend than airing dirty laundry. So Alyssa answered her.
“Doug was very different from Drew. He was sunny, happy, carefree. Drew’s always been so serious, responsible.”
“Some would say,” Hayley said in that same, neutral tone, “the latter makes the former possible.”
“That people like Doug can only be carefree if people like Drew do the serious stuff? Yeah, I’ve heard that. Repeatedly.” At Hayley’s look, she added quickly, “Oh, not from Drew. He doesn’t say stuff like that, at least. I’ve heard it from other people. Even from guys who were supposedly Doug’s friends.”
“What does he say?”
Alyssa supposed she wanted to know what their fight had been about. Her instinct was always to keep quiet, if only because she didn’t want to whine. She’d been that way for too long, and she was determined not to revert.
“That Doug was lazy, always looking for the easy way. That he’d slid through life on looks and charm. That he wanted to be rich without putting in the work. That he was irresponsible.”
“Any of that true?”
Alyssa shrugged. Contrary to what Drew believed, she’d come to terms with many of the realities of Luke’s father a while ago. “Probably most of it.”
Hayley’s brows rose. “If you agree, then what is there to fight about?”
“Because Drew also thinks Doug never loved me, not really. That he abandoned me when I got pregnant. Because I got pregnant. It’s not true.”
Alyssa stopped herself when she heard her voice rising.
“It’s okay,” Hayley said gently. “An understandable hot button.”
Odd how her voice was so comforting, Alyssa thought. She felt like she could tell Hayley the whole story and she would understand. Maybe because she’d suffered the loss of someone she loved, too. Whatever it was, she found herself pouring out the whole story.
“I fell in love with Doug Kiley when I was fifteen. The way only a teenager can. A year later, he finally noticed me. My parents hated the idea because he was four years older. His parents weren’t too happy either. So they tried to break us up.”
Hayley rolled her eyes. “Oh, and that always works so well.”
Alyssa smiled, surprising herself. She rarely spoke of that time anymore, and it never made her smile, but somehow with Hayley it was different.
“We ran off together when I was seventeen. For a while it was fun, we had adventures, he called them, up and down the west coast. And then I got pregnant.”
“Where were you then?”
“California. It was the end of summer, and we were broke. Doug said you could practically live off what people left on the beaches.”
“And not get cold at night,” Hayley said.
Alyssa liked that she got that, and didn’t judge. “Yes. Anyway, I had to go to a free clinic to be sure, but I was pregnant.”
“That must have been a little scary.”
“It was. But I was...happy, too. I loved Doug, and I was young enough to feel like having his baby was a sign of that.” Her mouth quirked ruefully. “Shows you how stupid I was.”
“How did Doug react?”
Alyssa sighed. “I didn’t tell him, for a while. He was worried about just getting us enough to eat.”
“And when you did?”
Alyssa looked over at Luke, the single consistent light in her life since that awful day. “He got scared. He said we were broke, we couldn’t have a kid. He wanted me to get rid of it, so we could go on just like before.”
“Ah.”
The sound Hayley made was noncommittal, nonjudgmental. It enabled Alyssa to go on. “If it had been sooner, I might have done it. Probably would have. But I waited too long. I’d felt the baby move. And I couldn’t.”
“A tough decision.”
She didn’t tell Hayley Doug had become angry about it. He’d spent days trying to talk her out of going through with it. Then he’d turned on the charm full bore, sweet-talking her with stories about the future she was risking. She wasn’t sure where she’d found the strength to resist, but she had. And then Doug had lost it. She’d never seen him so furious, didn’t even realize he was capable of such anger.
And then he’d walked out. Just to cool off, she was sure.
And she’d never seen him alive again.
“Doug was killed a few days later. He’d gone out looking for a way to get money, to take care of us. He hooked up with this really creepy, shady guy we’d met on the bus to L.A.—Baird Oliver. It was all his idea. I know he was only able to talk Doug into it because he was so scared.”
“They did something stupid?” Hayley asked softly.
Alyssa nodded. “They robbed a convenience store. Baird got away, but he was caught later. Doug crashed running from the police. He was killed.”
“And you were pregnant and alone.”
She nodded. “I know it was wrong, the robbery. But he was desperate. And Baird was persuasive, in a slimy kind of way. Doug just wanted to take care of us.”
“You think he changed his mind about leaving?”
“I know he did. He didn’t have the money, so he couldn’t have been running away like Drew says he was. And he was headed back, not away. He was coming back to get me.”
“You must have been terrified.”
“I was. The next couple of years were hell. I knew I couldn’t come home, my parents hadn’t spoken to me since we ran off. Getting pregnant, having Luke, would only make it worse.”
“That’s sad.”
“Yes.”
“So what did you do?”
Alyssa laughed, only this time it was full of scorn, directed only at herself. “I brilliantly got so run-down trying to work three jobs and still take care of Luke that I got sick, which became pneumonia, and I ended up in the hospital.” She looked at Luke once more. “They took him away from me, Hayley. He was the only thing I had left of the man I’d been so crazy in love with, and they took him away.”
Hayley took in an audible breath. Alyssa liked her even more for her expression of genuine sympathy. “What happened?”
“Drew,” she said simply. “He found us. Saved us. Both of us. He took care of me when I could barely lift a finger to help myself for weeks. And he got Luke back, out of foster care. And I will always, always owe him for that.”
She meant it. Even though occasionally, after incidents like last week’s, she had to remind herself just how much she owed him.