“Seeing you again has brought it all back for me,” he murmured.
Did he remember that night the way she did? Their lovemaking, the raw need driven by the knowledge that very soon they’d go their separate ways to different places, all the while vowing to love each other forever.
What that night had cost her would live forever in her memory—the night she’d conceived. In the excitement of their graduation party, they hadn’t used protection. When her pregnancy test had come back positive, she’d been so eager to share her news with Neill, believing he would be excited at the prospect of a child. It would be difficult to raise a baby while Neill did his medical degree and she’d have to drop out of nursing school when the baby was born, but she had faith in them, in their love. They could do it...together.
She’d called, prepared to tell him. He’d been so full of stories about his career, his hopes and dreams, none of which fit with the arrival of a baby. When she’d finally cranked up her courage to tell him, he’d acted like she was kidding him. He’d wanted to know what she wanted him to do about a baby, as if their baby was some sort of undesirable nuisance. She’d been so upset, she’d hung up the phone, convinced that she would never be able to get him to understand that she loved him and their baby.
Maybe she should’ve tried harder for her baby’s sake. Should have called him back, given him another chance. But he’d become so involved in university life in Boston that she’d felt she no longer fit in his world. She didn’t want his pity, didn’t want him to feel obligated to do the right thing. Or worse, pretend he cared.
As she met his gaze, confusion and doubt stilled her heart. “It was graduation night, and we were dancing under the moon.”
“And you never looked more beautiful.”
Don’t let yourself remember. Don’t. It’s not worth it. He’s not worth it.
She took a deep breath, willing herself to speak calmly. “We have to get back to work.”
His fidgeted with his tie, ran his hands through his hair. Mesmerized, her eyes followed his hands as she recalled the excitement of his touch.
“Sherri, I’d like to see you sometime. Socially, I mean. Dinner perhaps?”
How could he possibly think he could make up for the past and what they’d lost by inviting her out to dinner?
Yet his voice, his openness as he looked at her and his uneasy smile—they were all so familiar. She waited to see if he’d rub the back of his neck after running his hands through his hair.
When he did, a rush of feeling—long held hostage by her fear—flooded to the surface. It was as if he’d never been gone. She stepped back in shock and disbelief.
How could he still have this effect on her?
She had to stop herself from reaching for him, for everything his love had once offered her. “Dinner? That’s hardly necessary,” she said over the blood pounding in her ears. She leaned against the wall for support, hoping he didn’t notice her apprehension.
When would she ever be free of these feelings? It had been twelve long years since she’d seen him...since he’d seen her. And still he held the power to make her want him.
“A date for coffee then. We can go anywhere you’d like. We could escape to Portland,” he said, his voice flowing around her.
Searching for an easy exit, she glanced around. Several patients stood outside the room, their curiosity directed at the two of them. All she needed was for people to start talking about her and Neill—talk that could lead to questions whose answers could hurt her and her family. “Dr. Brandon, this isn’t the time or place,” she cautioned.
“I’m only asking for a chance to talk things out,” he countered.
Why should she agree to meet him in Portland or anywhere else? What difference would it make? “What’s the point? We’re professionals. We can keep our private lives to ourselves, can’t we? I can.”
“Sherri, you have to admit we never really ended our relationship. I went off to medical school, and you went into nursing. Then we—”
“Yes, we both made choices. We’ve both gotten what we wanted.”
“On the professional front, but what about personally?”
“My personal life suits me just fine. Yours does, too, I assume.”
He shook his head as his gaze swept the floor and then rose to meet hers. “Would you just consider going to lunch—or dinner or coffee, whatever—with me? For old times’ sake?”
“What would that accomplish? We’re not friends. And, as close as we once were, our past relationship is hardly a subject for conversation now.”
He fisted his hands and shoved them into his lab coat pockets. “I’m not asking you to change anything, only to have a meal with me. We don’t have to talk about the past if you don’t want to. Let’s just get together like old friends.”
The despondent look in his eyes stopped her anger in its tracks. She hadn’t expected him to give a damn about what was going on in her life or care whether or not they ever spent any time together. She’d expected him to behave like a big-city doctor, to treat her like he would any other nurse working with him. Instead the old Neill shone in his eyes as he continued to watch her carefully.
She couldn’t help wondering if he’d missed her. Had he wondered why she hadn’t called him again? Why hadn’t he come looking for her to offer his support, if not his love?
What had hurt the most that day she’d called him had been his preoccupation with his career, as if that was all that mattered to him. Prior to that phone call, she hadn’t considered the possibility that his life in Boston had changed him—that maybe he’d stopped loving her. Words she hadn’t admitted to herself until she’d come to the realization of what her life would be like alone with a baby.
Had he come to regret saying he loved her once he got to medical school and became immersed in his new life in Boston? She hadn’t tried to reach him over the years because her life had been tumultuous enough with having to leave nursing, getting married, the pregnancy, followed by the loss of her baby and then losing Sam. What she and Neill had shared was somehow irrelevant in her life during those years. But her mother often mentioned any news involving Neill. It would seem he’d led a life she could only imagine. During their brief love affair in high school, they’d made plans, but none as big as what Neill had planned with Lilly.
Although their plans back then had fueled their love for each other, they were only kids, filled with hope and driven by dreams. Today was their reality. They no longer shared anything worth believing in.
And now she wanted to be free to explore life outside Eden Harbor. For years she’d looked after the needs of those she loved, her patients included. She owed it to herself to put her past to rest and move on to her future.
In a matter of weeks she’d be in Portsmouth, a move she now saw as essential. In the meantime, she’d consider meeting with Neill on her own time when his nearness didn’t cloud her judgment. “Let’s not decide today.”
A long sigh emanated from him as he reached for a chart. “If you don’t want to go, just say so.”
“We’re in no rush, are we?”
“I’m offering you an invitation to dinner, not to the rest of our lives,” he said, frowning.
So she’d annoyed him. So what? Maybe that was how he behaved in Boston, ordering what he wanted and expecting others to comply. She needed to end this conversation before one of the patients started asking questions. “Fine. I’ll get back to you about dinner. Or lunch. Whatever.”
His smile brightened. He leaned closer, his gaze meeting