‘We should do this more often,’ she said, and dug her back a little deeper into the sand.
‘We do this at least once a week, Leyna.’
She could hear the amusement in Xavier’s tone and her lips curved.
‘We visit the beach at least once a week. Doing this—’ she lifted a hand into the air and gestured to the towels that lay side by side ‘—is a rarity that we should definitely make more time for.’
‘You’re only saying that because you want to escape your royal duties,’ Xavier teased.
‘And you don’t?’ she shot back, turning her head to offer him a grin.
And ignoring the inner voice that sounded dangerously like her grandmother telling her that Xavier was an excuse to do just that.
‘I’m the future King of Mattan, Princess,’ he said, sarcasm dripping from his voice. ‘I’m aware of my duties. Even though there are things expected of me that I can’t possibly begin to imagine.’
Hearing the fatigue, the annoyance just beneath his words, she turned her body to face him, resting her head on her hand. ‘Are your mother and grandmother at it again?’
He mirrored her position. Before she could stop herself, her eyes took in his muscular body, the dark brown hair that was a mess from their swim earlier and the kindness that was clear in every feature of his face. Her heart began to race. And then she told herself to stop it, and notice how that kindness was now eclipsed by sadness—tinged with the slightest bit of anger—that she knew came from his hopelessness about his family.
‘When are they not at it?’ He shook his head. ‘Every time I think I do something right, they counter with something I should have done instead.’ He paused. ‘Maybe I’m just not doing anything right.’
‘Oh, that’s rubbish and you know it.’ She sat up now, curling her legs under her. ‘I’ve never seen someone put more effort into their crown than you have.’
‘Besides you, you mean,’ he said with a smile.
‘Of course.’ She smiled back, though the voice in her head had returned, this time telling her she would put in even more if she didn’t have Xavier in her life. ‘But what I meant was that that dedication already means you’re doing something right, Xavier. Trust it.’
She reached over to squeeze the back of his hand, but he turned his over so quickly she didn’t know it until his fingers threaded through hers. Her heart jumped, and she opened her mouth to cut off what she knew was coming.
‘No,’ he said before she could. ‘You’re not going to put me off this time, Leyna.’
‘What...what do you mean?’
‘I’d like you to marry me.’
Her chest tightened. ‘I don’t think that—’
‘Both our families want this, Leyna,’ he interrupted.
‘They want Aidara and Mattan bonded, yes. This—you and I?’ She shook her head. ‘They aren’t quite as invested in that.’ When he didn’t answer her, she frowned. ‘You know this. You know what they think about our friendship.’
‘But I know what we think about our friendship, too. Don’t you think that’s more important?’
She didn’t know what to say. But she did know that she was glad they were on Aidara’s private beach, where there would be no prying eyes witnessing their conversation.
‘Leyna.’ He sat up now. ‘There is no choice for me. I have to marry you or my heart won’t ever forgive me.’ The seriousness in his eyes upped her heart rate even more. ‘I know you feel the same way, too.’
‘Why are you doing this?’
‘Because it’s time,’ he said simply. He stood, and held out a hand to help her do the same. She took it, but when she was on her feet she snatched her hand back.
‘It’s time to ruin something that means more to me than anything else?’
‘No. It’s time to finally make this—us—into what we were always supposed to be, Leyna. A family.’
‘I have family. I have parents who are King and Queen of a kingdom that needs them.’
So they don’t have time for me to need them.
‘And a grandmother whose heart is still broken from losing her husband almost ten years ago.’
And who’s so focused on the crown she can’t support the person who’ll one day wear it.
‘I have family, Xavier,’ she repeated. ‘What I don’t have are friends. I need us to be friends.’
‘You don’t think we’d be friends if we were married?’ His sombre tone told her things would probably change between them now, regardless of what she chose.
The panic inside her told her to make the right choice.
‘We’re best as friends. Just friends.’
‘Is that you speaking, or your family?’
‘It’s me.’ But a part of her wondered. ‘I haven’t listened to what they’ve said about us before. I don’t care about that.’
‘Then why are you so scared of what’s between us, Leyna?’ He closed the space between them with one step.
‘Because...’ She cleared her throat when her words came out more breathily than she wanted. ‘Our lives aren’t easy. The thing that’s helped me through it is our friendship. We’ve been friends for almost twenty years.’ Her voice broke. ‘Don’t take that away from me.’
He lifted her chin. ‘I’m not taking anything away from you. I want to add to that friendship.’ The left side of his mouth curved into a half-smile. ‘Yes, we’ve been friends for twenty years. But you know I’ve been in love with you for most of that time.’ She opened her mouth to dispute his words, but he shook his head. ‘You know it’s true.’
‘No,’ she said firmly.
‘Really?’ he drawled. ‘Why have you been trying to stop me from saying it to you for all these years then?’ His eyebrows lifted when she didn’t reply, and then he nodded. ‘Because you do know it. We both have from the moment I gave you that rose when we were five.’
When her heart melted at even the memory of it, she finally acknowledged the truth of his words. But he was right. She was scared. Scared of the change, and of what that change would mean for her life. One day she would be Queen of Aidara and she knew what that would demand from her.
And it wasn’t because her grandmother had warned her of the demands of the role. Or the way she constantly referred to Xavier as a distraction, and their friendship as ‘childish’. After years of defending what they had, Leyna had learnt to brush it off, knowing that Kathleen had a limited idea of what real relationships were.
No, Leyna’s fears had nothing to do with Xavier, and everything to do with what she knew those demands would cost her. Because she’d seen exactly how they had affected her father.
King Clive had gone from exuberant Prince to reserved King. She had memories of her father being happy, chasing her around the royal gardens as her mother watched on, laughing. But in the ten years since he’d become King, that man had slowly faded away. Wrinkles of stress had replaced those of laughter. Every smile he gave her seemed like the hardest thing in the world.
The only remnant of the man her father used to be was the love he clearly still had for her mother. It made her ask, ‘Will you still love me when I become Queen, when you become King, and we both have the hardest jobs in the world?’
‘Of course I will.’ His hand moved from her chin to brush away