‘I can’t do it,’ she whispered. ‘I…can’t have sex. I’m…’ No. There was no way she could utter that horrible word. A shudder went right through her entire body.
Nico’s hand slipped out from her hair and he let go of the door. This was it. He was going to excuse himself and go to the bar for a stiff drink, and who could blame him?
But, instead, he gathered Charlotte into his arms and held her close to him. His mouth was close to her ear and he spoke softly.
‘You’ve been hurt, cara,’ he said. ‘I know that. You’ve been raped, haven’t you?’
Charlotte’s gasp was shocked. ‘No…it…wasn’t rape. How could it have been? He was my…my boyfriend. I had chosen to be with him. I’d chosen to go to his apartment. It might have been my first time but I knew what was going to happen.’
For a long moment Nico simply held her in silence. Then he spoke gently. ‘But it didn’t happen the way you wanted it to, did it?’
‘N-no.’ Unbelievably, the tears were gathering again. After not having cried for so many years, she was certainly making up for it now.
‘And when you wanted him to stop, he wouldn’t, would he?’
‘H-he said it wasn’t his fault if I was frigid. He wasn’t going to have his evening ruined by a—a tease.’ There. The word had come out all by itself. ‘And—and he was right. I hated it and…and when I tried again, more than a year later, with someone else…I couldn’t do it…so he—’
‘Was a stupid, arrogant bastard,’ Nico whispered vehemently. ‘Who had no idea what he was talking about and didn’t deserve to be in the company of any woman, let alone someone like you.’
Charlotte felt his lips press against the top of her head. And then she felt Nico’s hand under her chin and a pressure that made her raise her face to meet his gaze.
‘It’s not true,’ he told her. ‘You are a beautiful, passionate woman and all you need to do is believe that.’
Maybe there’d always been a glimmer of hope deep inside that that was true. Maybe when she’d tried again, it had been too soon. Or with the wrong person. Charlotte had always thought that she might have conquered her demons if she could have talked to someone professional about it but the shame of anyone knowing had always stopped her.
And now Nico knew. And he was still here.
And he was gorgeous and kind and he’d said that he wanted her.
They wouldn’t be seeing each other again after tomorrow so would it really matter if it didn’t work. She might never have an opportunity like this again. To find out…
Charlotte licked suddenly dry lips. ‘Did you really mean it?’ The words were incredibly hard to utter.
‘That I want you?’ Nico’s eyes were so dark they looked black. His hands on her back slid lower until they cupped her bottom. He pulled her even closer so that she had no need of any verbal confirmation of his state of arousal.
‘Oh…’ Charlotte couldn’t look away from his eyes.
‘Do you trust me, cara?’
She didn’t have enough breath to say anything. Instead, Charlotte stretched on tiptoe so that she could reach Nico’s lips with her own. She slid her arms around his neck at the same time as she felt herself being lifted off her feet and carried into the adjoining cabin and a bunk that would simply have to be big enough.
Well…
He’d been right, hadn’t he?
Not just about the reason why Charlotte Highton’s personality had changed so much.
He’d been right about the fact that she was a beautiful and passionate woman.
It was well after midnight when Nico eased himself out of the bed that was far too small for two people to sleep together comfortably. He got dressed again and let himself quietly out of the cabin with the intention of going to the bar for that long-postponed nightcap.
Charlotte was deeply asleep again, which wasn’t surprising. She’d been on an emotional roller-coaster for the last two days and she’d had rather a lot of champagne tonight.
Had he taken advantage of her lack of inhibitions?
Or would she thank him for proving what she should have been able to believe in all along? That there was nothing wrong with her. Nothing she needed to be afraid of or hide from.
That was a minefield in itself. Charlotte was a passionate woman. The way she’d responded to him had been a joy. No…it had been by far the most tender lovemaking he’d ever experienced. So overwhelming that he could only hope Charlotte hadn’t noticed she hadn’t been the only one with tears wetting her cheeks in the aftermath. The way he’d felt when she’d started to touch him back…To offer herself so completely…
Even now Nico had no idea what to do with the sensations that made it hard to breathe. It had made him feel like he was the most special person on earth. As though she was the only woman in the world he ever wanted to be with again because he would never experience anything like this with anyone else.
He knew how ridiculous that was. The world was full of beautiful women who were eager to share his bed. But Charlotte was naïve in such matters. She might believe he was the only man who could make her feel like that. She might mistakenly believe she had fallen in love with him when she was now capable of having a fulfilling relationship with any man she chose.
It didn’t have to be him.
He didn’t want it to be him.
So why was he feeling so…uneasy? So in need of a stiff drink?
Because there was a voice in his head that was trying to insist that being with Charlotte for just a little longer wouldn’t hurt? That he could, at least, have one more night like last night? Just to check whether it had actually been so extraordinary?
He knew perfectly well how wrong that would be. That would, without any doubt, be taking advantage of Charlotte, and Nico had far too much respect for her to even consider it.
The strange sound Nico heard as he made his way through the seemingly deserted carriages in the early hours of the morning only added to his disturbance.
He’d heard that sound before. The cry of a baby who’d only just entered the world.
A newborn on the Orient Express? Impossible.
The echo of that cry of new life stayed with him, though, imagined or not. And Nico didn’t like it.
He didn’t want a new life.
He wanted his old one back.
CHARLOTTE KNEW SHE was alone even before she’d surfaced from sleep enough to open her eyes.
Had it been a dream?
Her memories certainly had a dreamlike fuzziness to them. Sensations rather than clear thoughts, and the gentle rocking of the train beneath her seemed to encourage her to close her eyes and explore them. She could feel each one as clearly as if it was happening all over again.
The surprise of finding Nico in the cabin