Josh reclined on his couch. His once comfortable apartment now seemed barren and lonely. Everywhere he looked he was reminded of her. She had been woven into every area of his life. He just didn’t function without her.
It had been so painful to see her today and know that he was the one responsible for the hurt in her eyes. He wanted to hold her, to make it all better, but he couldn’t.
The pit in his stomach made itself known. He could remember that night so vividly, the paralyzing guilt from the part he played still fresh. The night he’d vowed to protect Micah. The night she’d permanently become off-limits.
Josh had just pulled into his driveway when his phone rang. It was Drew and he knew exactly what the impending conversation was going to be about. They had spent the evening celebrating Drew’s birthday before the rain had scattered them and forced them all to go home. By this point, Drew must have just dropped off Micah, finally freeing him up to call and let Josh have it.
He was tempted to not answer, but curiosity won.
“Hello?”
“Dude, what’s your problem?” Yup. He was mad.
“What are you talking about?”
“Don’t pull that with me, Josh. You know exactly what I’m talking about. What the hell?”
This was a conversation they revisited every couple of months. Josh would forget himself and Drew would catch him staring at Micah. He couldn’t help it. She was a beautiful girl.
“I don’t see what the big deal is. I was only looking. It’s not like I’ve ever touched her.”
“And you never will. Get that through your thick skull. She’s mine! And she’ll always be mine!”
“I know. I know.”
“Oh, damn! No! No!”
Josh held the phone close to his ear, straining to hear what was happening, but the rain pounding on his windshield made it difficult. “Drew?”
Everything was muffled, but the sound of screeching tires was unmistakable. It all happened so quickly that Josh couldn’t distinguish one thing from another. The horrifying sounds of twisting metal and shattering glass pierced through the phone, like nothing he had ever heard before. His breathing halted, his heart rate plummeted. It was as if everything ceased to function in that moment. Then, just as suddenly as it had happened, an eerie silence filled the air.
Panic consumed him. “Drew! Talk to me, man!”
It was faint but he could hear a moan, a painful cry, something.
“Drew, where are you? What happened? Drew, talk to me!”
“Josh.” It was barely audible, but it was something.
“I’m coming, man. Where are you?”
“No.” The word sounded weak, a gasping sound rather than a command. “Promise...”
“Drew—”
Josh strained to hear around the pounding of his own heartbeat.
“Micah...”
“Anything. I’ll do anything, Drew. I’ll protect her, even from me.”
It was alarmingly quiet, except for a muffled gurgling sound and erratic heaving breaths. He didn’t know what to do. Drew was in distress and he had no idea where he was or what had happened. He would have told Drew anything at that moment just to keep him calm.
“I promise, Drew. She’ll always be yours.”
The silence that followed was deafening.
No!
The magnitude of what had just happened hit Josh with a leveling force. His head fell forward onto the steering wheel, a gut-wrenching cry of pain escaping from deep within.
It was the start of a new day, a new chapter in her life. It had been far too long since she had put her knowledge to work, but now it was time. After being a nanny for the last several years, she worried if she still had what it took.
After the girls helped her shop for some new clothes, she felt superconfident. She definitely would not be taken seriously if she showed up in the same clothes she had worn as a nanny—her nanny family had not even taken her seriously when she showed up in those clothes.
She had selected a basic black pencil skirt, but her newfound curves were amplified in this baby. Even though she had put on a little weight, she actually liked the result and could not remember the last time she had felt this confident.
She grabbed her stylish new satchel purse and headed out the door, her new confidence marking her stride. Watch out, business world. I’m about to take over.
It felt good to be taken seriously again. Felt good to have something to contribute. And basically...she felt good.
When Micah entered her new work environment, her soon-to-be coworkers sized her up and tossed her looks of competition. Bring it on! Bring it on! Okay, so maybe she was getting a little out of control, her head growing with each step she took.
There was a tiny voice in her head that caused her to second-guess herself momentarily. Old habits had a tendency of dying hard, but she quickly stomped the negative thoughts from her mind. She would remain positive from here on out. She would not allow negativity to hold her back any longer. She was a changed woman, and she was bound to make that a permanent change.
After a few hours of initial training, she was given a break. In desperate need of a coffee, she grabbed her purse and headed out the door. Decisions, decisions. To the left, past the firehouse where Josh worked, was a coffee shop. Or she could go to the right and across the street.
Her positive, confident outlook pushed her to the left. The trucks were parked out front; several firemen cluttered the area. Josh had to be there. Somewhere. You look good in that skirt. Strut past that firehouse and show him what he’s missing.
Yup, no. She wasn’t that confident. She turned sharply to the right and made a beeline across the street.
* * *
“Where is everyone?” Jamie walked into Josh’s apartment expecting the regular people in attendance but instead was faced with an empty room.
“Oh, uh...Hanna’s working.”
“On Sundays now?”
“Guess so.”
“And the others?”
“Sabina is mad at me...”
“And Micah?”
Josh didn’t say anything. The silence was answer enough.
“What happened?” Jamie asked as he settled into his favorite spot on Josh’s couch and propped his feet up on the coffee table.
“You want me to grab you a beer before I get into it?”
“Yeah.”
Josh went into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator and pulled out two. He popped the tops off and handed one to Jamie when he returned to the living room, and settled down into his own seat after.
“Okay, spill. What happened?”
“So much...”
“Start from the beginning.”
“Nah, man. I don’t want to revisit all that.”
“Give me the bullet-points version, then.”
“Well...I was a fool. I took advantage of her when she was drunk. I lost all sense of self-control, cared more about my own lust... I treated her like just another girl I’d pick