Emelia dreaded asking, but did so all the same. ‘The baby?’
He shook his head. ‘I’m sorry, mi amor. They couldn’t prevent the miscarriage but you are safe, that is the main thing.’
Emelia felt her hopes plummet. The main thing was he was off the hook, surely? No more baby. No more commitment. No more pretending to be happy about being a father. ‘How far along was I?’ she asked in an expressionless tone.
‘Not long, just a month, I think I heard one of the doctors say.’
Emelia studied his expression without saying anything.
He shifted in his seat, his eyes going to their joined hands. ‘I know what you are thinking, Emelia,’ he said gruffly. ‘And I know I deserve it for how I reacted to the news of the pregnancy. I didn’t exactly embrace the idea with any enthusiasm.’
‘I’d like to be alone for a while,’ she said.
He looked at her again. ‘But we need to talk about the future.’
She pulled her hand away and stuffed it under the sheets. ‘I don’t want to talk right now.’
He slowly rose to his feet as if his bones ached like those of an old man. ‘I’ll be waiting outside.’
Emelia held off the tears until he had left but once the door closed on the private room she let them fall. So he wanted to talk about the future, did he? What future was that? She had been lulled into thinking they could make a go of their marriage but he had not once told her he loved her. He always held something of himself back. She was never going to be able to penetrate the fortress of his heart. Not now, not without the baby she had longed for, the baby she had hoped would be the key to showing him the meaning of love. She had seen the flicker of relief in his eyes. No pregnancy meant he could continue with his life the way he always had—free and unfettered. Well, he was going to be much more free and unfettered than he bargained for, she decided.
‘How is she?’ Javier asked the doctor on duty when he came back from the bathroom.
‘She doesn’t want to see anyone right now,’ the doctor said. ‘She is still feeling rather low. It’s quite normal, of course. The disruption of hormones takes its toll. She can go on some antidepressants if she doesn’t improve.’
‘When can I take her home?’
‘She lost a lot of blood,’ the doctor said. ‘She’s had a transfusion so we’d like her to stay in for a few days to build up her strength. She has been through rather a lot just lately, I see from the notes.’
‘Yes,’ Javier said, feeling guilt like a scratchy yoke about his shoulders. ‘Yes, she has.’
‘Just be patient,’ the doctor advised. ‘There’s no reason why she can’t conceive again. These things happen. Sometimes it’s just nature’s way of saying the time is not right.’
Javier sighed as the doctor moved on down the corridor. He had never thought there would be a right time, and yet the right time had come and gone and he had not even realised it.
The nurse handed Emelia her discharge form with a disapproving frown. ‘The doctor is not happy about you wanting to leave so soon, especially without your husband with you. Can’t you wait until he gets here? He’s probably stuck in traffic. There was an accident in one of the tunnels this morning.’
Emelia straightened her shoulders. ‘I have been here for four days as it is. I am sick of being fussed over. I am sick of hospitals. I want to get on with my life.’
‘But your husband—’
‘Will understand completely when he hears I have left,’ Emelia said with a jut of her chin as she picked up her bag. ‘You can tell him goodbye for me.’
Emelia slipped out of the hospital, keeping her head down in case anyone recognised her. The press had been lurking about, or so one of the cleaning staff had informed her. That had made her decision a lot easier to make. She was tired of living in a fish bowl. She was tired of being someone she wasn’t, someone she had never been and never could be. The accident had been devastating but it hadn’t been the catalyst everyone assumed it had been. She had already made up her mind that she could no longer live the life Javier had planned for them both. It didn’t matter what his reasons were for marrying her, the fact remained that he didn’t love her. He wasn’t capable of loving anyone. And, while she loved him and would love him for the rest of her life, she could not continue living in hope that he would change.
A taxi pulled into the entrance of the hospital and, once its occupants had settled up, Emelia got in and directed the driver to the airport. She had already booked the flight via the high tech mobile phone Javier had brought in for her. It was another one of his expensive presents, one of many he had brought in over the last few days: a pair of diamond earrings and a matching pendant, a bottle of perfume, a designer watch that looked more like a bracelet than a timepiece, and some slips of lace that were supposed to be underwear. She had received them all with a tight little smile, her heart breaking into little pieces for the one gift he withheld—his love.
The flight was on time, which meant Emelia could finally let out her breath once she was strapped into the seat, ready for take-off. She checked the watch Javier had given her, her fingers tracing over the tiny sparkling diamonds embedded around the face as she thought about him arriving right about now on the ward. He would be demanding to know where she was, where she had gone and who she had gone with. She could almost see his thunderous expression, his tightly clenched hands and the deep lines scoring his forehead. But, for some reason, instead of making her smile in satisfaction, she buried her head in her hands and wept.
EMELIA had spent the afternoon on the beach. The walk back to her father’s palatial holiday house at Sunshine Beach in Queensland was her daily exercise. It still felt strange to be on speaking terms with her father after all this time. But his recent health scare had made him take stock of his life and he had gone out of his way since she had returned to make up for the past. He had given her the house to use for as long as she wanted. He flew up on occasional weekends when he could get away from work and she enjoyed their developing relationship, even though they didn’t always see eye to eye on everything. Emelia had even made a fragile sort of peace with his young wife who, she realised, really did love her father in spite of his many faults. In many ways Krystal reminded her of herself when she had met and married Javier. Krystal was a little naïve and star-struck by the world her husband lived in and did everything she could to please him. It made Emelia cringe to witness it, but she knew there was nothing she could say.
The one thing Emelia and her father crossed swords over was Javier. Her father thought she shouldn’t have run away without speaking to him. In Michael Shelverton’s opinion, sending Javier divorce papers three weeks after she had left was a coward’s way out. He felt she should have at least given him a hearing.
Emelia was glad she had done things the way she had. She wanted a clean break to allow herself time to heal. But after a month she still had trouble sleeping in spite of the hours of walking and swimming she did each day to bring on the mindless exhaustion she craved.
She had covered her tracks as best she could to avoid Javier finding her. She’d gone back to her maiden name and only answered the phone if she recognised the number on the caller ID device. She had also organised with her father to have all mail go via his post office box address and he then forwarded it on to her.
She tried not to think about Javier but it was impossible to rid her memory of his touch. Her body ached for him night after night and sometimes when she was halfasleep