He wasn’t sure which was harder to quell—the urge to rage at the heavens or the urge to sob his heart out. Somehow he made it back to the tiny kitchen without doing either. Somehow he filled a paper cup with water and gulped it down. Somehow he managed to breathe again, and to wipe away the lone tear trickling down his cheek before Darcy bustled in to tell him that Alice Radford from CPS had arrived.
Chapter Three
Though she had most of her attention focused on Matthew as he nursed greedily from the bottle, Megan was aware of the exact moment when Jake left her alone in his office. She also had a pretty good idea of why he had fled in such an obvious hurry.
She’d seen the anguish in his eyes when she first met his gaze, and she had known then that she wasn’t the only one doing battle with painful memories—memories stirred by the sweet baby she held in her arms. And they were both dealing with those memories in the same way they had dealt with the reality of Will’s death.
She had faced her sorrow squarely while doing, on her own, what needed to be done. And Jake, obviously unable to admit to face the depth of his pain, had gone off to immerse himself in his work.
Megan wasn’t surprised by his sudden desertion. After all, he was only behaving true to form. She would have been foolish to expect anything else of him. As for her disappointment, that was of her own making. She shouldn’t have allowed herself to entertain even the slightest illusion that Jake would grieve with her over the memory of their young son any more than he had grieved with her over Will’s death.
But seeing him again, up close and personal—looking fit and trim in khaki pants and a white shirt, sleeves rolled to his elbows, his dark, shaggy hair softening his hawkish features, his brown-eyed gaze warm and direct—had stirred a longing in her for days past. A longing that had brought with it memories of all the hopes and dreams of happily ever after she had so staunchly set aside when she’d left him two years ago.
Over and over again as Megan had answered Jake’s questions about the baby, she’d had to remind herself that she’d come to him on Matthew’s behalf, not her own, and then only because she trusted him to do his job, nothing more.
She didn’t dare allow herself to think anything else. Nor could she allow her heart to soften toward him even the tiniest bit. She would end up being hurt all over again, and that she could definitely do without.
Aware that Matthew was watching her with his big blue eyes as he finished the last of the formula in the bottle, Megan smiled down at him. She should be enjoying what time she had with him instead of letting thoughts of Jake get her down. He was such a good baby and he seemed so content. He didn’t fuss at all when she set the bottle aside, shifted him to her shoulder and gently patted his back.
Will had been a good baby, too, she remembered. Such a good, good baby—
“Well, what have we here?”
Drawn from her reverie by the sound of a familiar feminine voice coming from Jake’s office doorway, Megan glanced over her shoulder. The baby lifted his head, too, obviously curious, and let loose a gurgling burp.
“Hello, Alice,” Megan said, smiling at the social worker she had first met several months ago. “It’s good to see you again.”
“It’s good to see you again, too, Megan.” Alice Radford returned her smile as she stepped into the office and set her briefcase on Jake’s desk. Though dressed conservatively in tailored black pants and a black-and-white striped shirt, she wore her iron gray hair cut short and spiked with mousse. And she fairly bristled with energy as she added, “Very good, under the circumstances.”
“You two know each other?” Jake asked as he paused just inside the doorway.
“Oh, yes,” Alice answered, her gaze settling intently on the baby. “Meg completed CPS’s training program for prospective foster parents just three weeks ago, and a good thing, too.”
From the corner of her eye, Megan saw Jake glance her way, a frown creasing his forehead. She only had a moment to wonder what he must be thinking. Then Alice demanded her full attention again as she held out her hands for the baby.
“Jake filled me in on the details of how you ended up with this little guy. And you have no idea at all who the mother might be?”
“None,” Megan replied, experiencing an odd mixture of reluctance and relief as Alice took Matthew from her.
He wasn’t her baby, but in the all-too-short time she had cared for him since she’d found him on her front porch, he had wiggled his way into her heart. For whatever reason, he had been entrusted to her care. Even with Alice ready to take over for her, she couldn’t quite set aside the feeling that she was still responsible for his well-being.
Not that the social worker was being anything but gentle as she looked Matthew over with a practiced eye. And she would make absolutely sure that he was placed with a kind and loving foster family.
“He seems healthy enough, and he doesn’t appear to be neglected in any way,” Alice stated. “No signs of physical abuse, either—at least none that I can see.”
“None that I could see, either,” Megan agreed.
“We’ll have to stop by the hospital with him and let one of the staff pediatricians give him a thorough checkup just to be sure. Then we can stop by my office, fill out the necessary paperwork, and he’s yours.”
Alice held the baby out to Megan and she took him without hesitation. When the social worker’s last words sank in, however, she stared at the woman, unable to hide her dismay.
“Mine?” she asked, her voice high and tight.
“You’re fully qualified to foster young Matthew,” Alice assured her, waving a dismissive hand.
Megan wasn’t heartened in the least by the social worker’s statement. Granted, she had gone through the foster parenting program offered by the county, but only so she could provide a home for older children, especially siblings who might be separated otherwise. A home similar to the one where she’d been placed in Serenity after her parents had been killed.
She hadn’t expected to be asked to care for a baby, mainly because they were so much easier to place within the foster care system. She also had a full-time job teaching history at the high school. Caring for older, school-age children made more sense since her schedule would coincide with theirs, allowing her to be at home when they were.
But school was out for the summer, and if Alice really needed her…
“Surely there’s someone available who’s much more experienced than I am,” Megan insisted, trying, unsuccessfully, to ignore the all-too-familiar way the baby snuggled against her shoulder.
It was hard enough for her to accept the fact that Matthew wasn’t her baby to keep now. But after days, perhaps even weeks, of looking after him, the pain of letting him go would be unbearable.
“Once you’ve completed our program, you’re qualified to care for children of any age. And right now we’re woefully shorthanded. We need you, Megan. Matthew needs you.”
Oh, great, just what she needed, Megan thought to herself. A little none-too-subtle yet oh-so-gentle coercion from one of the few people in town she truly liked.
“Unless, of course, you foresee having a serious problem with him,” Alice added, pinning her with a questioning look.
“Not at all,” Megan assured her, aware that she’d just sealed her own fate. But why argue any longer against something she wanted so much?
In the doorway, Jake shifted, drawing her attention. A frown still creasing his forehead, he looked none too happy at the sudden turn of events. Megan couldn’t even begin to imagine what must have been going through his head as he’d listened to her verbal exchange with Alice.
Of