Madeline shook her head, brushing her tears away with the back of her hand. ‘It is mere foolishness on my part,’ she said. ‘Please unfasten my gown and then leave me.’
‘Will you not tell me what has so distressed you?’
‘It is nothing, a mere irritation of the nerves. I have a headache,’ Madeline lied as Sally unfastened the hooks at the back of her bodice. ‘I wish to sleep.’
‘I shall bring you a tisane. It will help you,’ Sally said.
‘Thank you,’ Madeline said, ‘but I think I shall sleep if I am left alone in peace.’
She saw the hurt in her maid’s eyes, but all she wanted was to be alone so that she could weep as her heart broke into tiny pieces. How could she let Hal give up everything that he cared for to marry her? She was not worthy of him. Lethbridge had soiled her, made her unfit to be the wife of a decent man.
Hal was going to London. She would give him a letter to her husband’s lawyers, instructing them to pay the marquis what was owed and then...then she must go away.
Madeline sat on the edge of her bed as Sally left her, closing the door softly behind her. An icy coldness settled about her heart as she realised that she had no choice.
She must take the opportunity to leave this house while Hal was gone. She would ask Sally and Thomas to accompany her as far as Dover. There she would purchase a passage for France, and they could go with her or leave her and buy the inn Thomas wanted.
Because of the contents of Lethbridge’s box she had enough to make a new start somewhere abroad. The jewels might not belong to her, but she would take them in lieu of the settlement owed to her. The Marquis of Rochdale might have all that was left of the estate for all she cared. She needed only sufficient to start her new life. Indeed, she would not take all the jewels, but only enough to make her secure until she could find work. In truth, she wanted nothing that had been her husband’s, but she must have something or she would starve. The clothes Sally had sold for her had brought her but one hundred guineas, far less than they had cost when new. It was enough to take her to France, but in time she would need to sell some of the jewels from the box.
It might be better to dismiss Sally and Thomas when they reached Dover. She could not expect them to give up their hopes and dreams for her—did not wish them to do so. Sally was very loyal to her so she would need to find a valid reason to stop Sally accompanying her to France.
In the morning she would sign a letter asking her husband’s lawyer to settle the marquis’s claim. She would smile as Hal left and wish him a safe journey, but when he returned to Ravenscar she would no longer be here.
Her decision made, Madeline dried her eyes. Weeping would do her no good at all. She must learn to be strong and to stand on her own. In her haste to flee from her husband she’d accepted Sally’s help and she’d gone to Hattie seeking a safe refuge, and then Hal had brought her here—but she must learn to fend for herself. Everyone had been kind to her, but it was time that she learned to manage her own life.
Getting up from the bed, she began to pack a few things into a bag and a satchel. The jewels she was taking with her she would secrete inside her clothes. She had no intention of letting her hosts know what she intended for they would try to stop her, but she would write a letter to Jenny, because she had been her friend. It would be hard to explain why she’d left them after their kindness, but she would try.
It would not be easy to leave secretly. They must walk as far as the posting inn in the village and from there hire a chaise that would take them as far as Dover. Madeline shivered as the ice slid down her back and she knew a cold enveloping fear at the future that lay before her. Her heart would break because she truly loved Hal and believed she could learn to be a proper wife to him if he were patient—but she must not accept his sacrifice. It was selfish of her to think of all she would lose. Hal would never abandon her so she must leave him.
It was the only way to save Hal from himself. If she allowed him to sacrifice everything for her, he would begin to regret that he had ever known her. She could not bear to see the look of love in his eyes turn to resentment.
No, it would be much better to give him up now and let him find someone who would be able to give him all the love he deserved. He would not understand. Perhaps he would hate her for once again destroying his hopes, but it was better than seeing the joy die from his eyes because he had been forced into a life he could not like.
Her decision made, Madeline slipped into an uneasy sleep but her dreams would not let her rest and she woke several times.
* * *
Awake again at seven in the morning, she rose and dressed herself and went downstairs. Hal was in the breakfast room. He rose to his feet as she entered with a cry of concern.
‘Did you come down just to see me off?’ he asked. ‘I thought to be gone long before you rose and I had written you a note.’ He moved towards her, taking her hands in his and gazing down into her face. ‘You are pale, Maddie. I hope you did not let that devil’s threats keep you awake. Do not give him another thought. I assure you I am not bothered by his malice. We shall find a way to silence him, believe me.’
‘I have a letter you must give to Lethbridge’s lawyers, Hal. The marquis must be paid and I care nothing for the money. There is a box in my room containing jewels the count allowed me to wear; they were not mine, but I do not know if they are heirlooms. If I am heir to my late husband’s possessions, they may be sold to help pay his debts. All I wanted was my settlement—but if that is needed to settle the debt then so be it.’
‘Your settlement cannot be touched in law,’ Hal said. ‘No court would take that to pay his debt—but the jewels may be requested. We have yet to ascertain whether you are the heir—but I shall attend to it immediately I reach London and send word as soon as I can.’
‘Thank you...’ Madeline reached up to kiss his cheek, but he turned his head so that their lips met. Once again his kiss was so soft and sweet that it made her feel weak with longing. If only she could return to the day she’d sent him away...when she was innocent and unsoiled. ‘You have done so much for me, Hal. I am grateful and I love you—please never doubt it.’
‘You are so lovely, my darling,’ Hal told her. ‘I regret that I must leave you, but these things must be attended. I shall waste no time in returning to you. Keep safe until I do—that is all I ask of you.’
Madeline smiled, but the tears she could not shed stung her eyes and her throat was tight with emotion. She clung to him for another moment, then forced herself to stand away and smile at him.
‘Forgive me, I know you must go.’
‘Yes, I must, but I shall return soon. We shall marry quietly and leave England before any rumours can start. In time the gossips will forget us and then we may return if we wish.’
Hal smiled at her, but made no further attempt to touch her. Madeline inclined her head, then turned and walked from the room, her head high. He must not guess what she meant to do for he would prevent her running away if he could.
* * *
When she entered her bedchamber she discovered Sally tidying the bed and looking at the bags she had packed the previous night. Sally turned to greet her, looking puzzled.
‘Are we going somewhere, my lady?’
‘I cannot stay here,’ Madeline told her. ‘Last night...the marquis saw me with Hal. He threatened to ruin us both if a debt my husband owed was not paid. I have arranged to pay what he owes, if the estate belongs to me, but I fear that even if the debt is paid in full he will not leave us be. He is a vengeful man and I think he may ruin Hal just for the pleasure it gives him. But if I am not here, if I do not marry Hal, people will not believe his lies. Hal can stay here and he will not lose everything he cares for.’
‘He would lose you,’ Sally said. ‘I think he cares for you