“I’m sure I will. I’ve been looking forward to the peace and quiet, to be honest.”
Millie sounded sincere. Almost eager to prove that statement correct. She was trying. Millie had come into this marriage with the same goals as Adam. A good future for their children. And Millie was obviously trying to hold up her end of the bargain. That was all Adam could hope for.
Surely this could work if they both tried. “There’s plenty of quiet. But, there’s also a whole lot of not quiet. Between the children and the animals, sometimes I think the country is noisier than the city.”
“You’ve lived in a city before?”
“Yes. But, not for too long. It never felt like home.”
That was an understatement. Adam had been miserable in the city. He had hated the way it felt. The way it smelled. The way it seemed to settle on his skin like a coating he could never completely wash off. Having gone through that feeling of not fitting and not belonging, having fled that, how had he not understood what Sarah was going through?
“So you came back here?”
Adam nodded. “I wanted to settle down. Have children. And I wanted my children to grow up in the country, with fresh air and room to be.”
“Children.” This time, Adam didn’t have a bit of trouble picking out the fear in Millie’s voice. “Will you tell me about them? Please? I remember everything you told me in the letter. What Mrs. Thompson told me. But, I’d like to hear more. I need to be as prepared as possible before meeting them in person.”
This was safe territory. His marriage to Sarah might have ended in disaster, but his children were nothing but joy. “They’re great kids. I know I told you that in the letter, and I’m definitely biased, but they are. Catherine, the five-year-old, has such a kind heart. She always wants to be helpful.”
Adam’s throat tightened, but he continued. He wanted Millie to give his children what they needed. “Caty just wants to be loved. She spends a lot of time doing things to please people so they will like her. Love her.”
Adam looked at Millie, to see if he could tell what she was thinking. She was staring at her hands, and her profile wasn’t giving him any hints. “Genie—Eugene—is three. He’s happy so long as he has two things to bang together. It doesn’t matter at all what they are. Two forks. Two blocks. Two of anything so long as he can crash them into one another and make noise.”
Millie’s hands moved from her lap to her mouth. She turned and looked at him. There was definitely a smile under there. Adam couldn’t stop his own grin. He wasn’t exaggerating his little boy’s love of crashing and making noise. Though it could become aggravating, it was mainly adorable.
“They sound wonderful.”
“They are. Don’t misunderstand me, they are children. They can be cross and demanding and ungrateful. And, don’t ever try to reason with them because I promise you you’ll lose your mind before they understand your point. Even if it is eminently logical.”
Millie laughed out loud at that. Hearing the sound made the embarrassment of admitting his parenting failure completely worth it.
“What did you try to reason with them about?”
“Oh, too many things to count. You’d think I would learn, but I just keep hoping that they’ll see my point. Eventually.”
“I think you might have a long wait. I’m not an expert when it comes to children, but I have a feeling that logic is one of the last things to develop.”
Adam told her more about the kids, enjoying both reliving the memories and sharing them with someone else. It was such a shame that the happiness Caty and Genie brought to the world was shared only with him. But, that would change now that Millie was here.
“Will you tell me about the routine?” Millie’s question was almost abrupt.
“Routine?”
“Yes. How does the day go where you live? I want to know what to expect. Make sure I do the right thing in the right order.”
Adam looked at Millie, trying yet again to read her face.
There was nothing he could decipher, though her face was lovely, as it had been from the moment he first saw her. Framed by dark brown hair with a slight wave. Brown eyes. Fair complexion with a trail of freckles across her nose and cheeks. Her cheeks had been slightly pink since yesterday. Adam didn’t know if that was from nerves or excitement or if her cheeks usually had that tint. Regardless, she was a beautiful woman.
But not exactly readable. She might come in a pretty package, but it didn’t take a genius to see that a beautiful, collected facade was exactly what Millie Steele—now Beale—presented to the world. She sure kept everything else locked down tight.
Except when Adam moved his gaze from her face down to her hands, he saw that they were clenched tight. Her fingers were white around the edges from the pressure. That was not a casual question.
Lord, I feel like I’m trying to walk through mud here. I can’t find solid ground. I just want to cross this passage and get to the good land on the other side. Help me say the right things, be the right thing. Please.
“There’s not too much of right and wrong out on the farm. A lot of what gets done is determined by the weather and current status of crops and livestock.”
“Farm? I thought you lived on a ranch?”
“Well, it’s a bit of both. I grew up on a ranch, so I consider myself a born-and-raised rancher. And, we have quite a bit of livestock. Cattle and horses. But, it’s also a nice little farm. I have a variety of crops planted. Plus, we have chickens, hogs and a couple of dairy cattle.”
Adam knew he had failed as a husband the first time around. Sometimes, he questioned whether he was a good enough father to his children. But, he was proud of what he had accomplished with his land. It had taken years, but he finally felt like he was established. His cattle and horses had a growing reputation and provided enough income to live on. The amount of land planted in crops was also expanding.
“I barely know anything about living on a ranch. Or a farm.”
Millie’s mask was good, but her hands were still clenched. He had not managed to put her at ease at all. Adam fought the urge to touch her. Reassure her.
Then he stopped fighting. He was determined that this was going to be a good marriage. He might not want the intimate aspects of having a wife, but he did want a friendship. He wanted his children to be surrounded by love. Companionship. Adam transferred the reins to one hand and used the other to reach out and touch Millie’s arm. He tried to make his touch safe and comforting.
“I can teach you anything you need to know. I told you I lived in the city for a bit. I have a good understanding of what you’re used to. The farm won’t be that different. Day-to-day life inside a home is pretty much the same everywhere.”
Millie nodded her head and smiled. But, her hands were still clenched like she was clinging on to something for dear life.
Adam drew his hand back, unsure yet again whether he had helped at all. He sure didn’t feel like he had lessened her fears.
To Do:
Breathe
Get to know the children
Learn about farms—Livestock? Crops?
Is it better to live on a farm or a ranch?
Millie needed her notebook. Her pencil. And fifteen minutes alone to lose her composure without an audience. But, she was not going to get any of those things, so she concentrated on the scenery. It was, well, beautiful.