“But why didn’t you adopt me? Other kids from the Home were adopted.”
David swallowed and exchanged glances with Verna again. “Your father never relinquished his family rights. He never released you to be adopted.”
Guy frowned, bitterness rising up in his throat. “So he just left me at the Home.”
“Don’t think too harshly of him,” Verna said.
“Forget it.” Guy pushed back from the table. “All he’s done is ruin my life.”
“Guy, don’t let this fester.” David folded his hands in front of him. “You need to forgive him and go on with your life. The fact that you’re learning Deitsch shows that you’re ready to become part of our church, doesn’t it?”
“I don’t know what it means.” Guy sighed. “I hate not belonging anywhere.”
“You belong here.” David took Verna’s hand. “You belong with us. We love you as if you were our son. You’ll always have a home here.”
“But I’m not really your son. I’m just a farm hand. I’m not Amish, and I never will be.”
Verna sniffed as the three of them sat in silence. David’s head was bowed, his eyes closed. A different kind of bitterness filled Guy. Not the anger at Pa, but regret that he had caused the old couple pain.
“If you feel that way,” David finally said, “there isn’t anything we can do about it.” He looked up and met Guy’s eyes. “The decision is up to you. You can be our son, or you can be our hired hand. We’ll still think of you as nothing less than one of the family.”
Guy glanced at Verna’s bowed head and the couple’s clasped hands, then headed upstairs to his bedroom.
His bedroom.
He padded over to the dormer window in his stocking feet. That first year, when he was nine, this had become his favorite spot. David had built a small chest for him and set it under the window, and Guy had spent hours sitting here, gazing out at the house across the road, watching the birds, looking for foxes in the moonlight... At the Home he had nothing, but here, everything he looked at was his own. He sank down on the chest and drew his feet up, crossing his legs as he looked around the room as if seeing it for the first time.
His bed. His dresser. His chest that had held all the treasures he couldn’t take back to the Home. This was his refuge.
On the bad nights at the Home, he would lie in his narrow cot and dream of this room. Summer and freedom couldn’t come soon enough. Every year, David and Verna had welcomed him...home...as if they had missed him as much as he had missed them.
Had he ever thanked them? He had spent so much time waiting for Pa to keep his promise that he had neglected what he had here with David and Verna.
The Masts had never made any promises other than to love him, and even tonight they reaffirmed that promise.
But Pa had never kept his promises, and it was time Guy faced that fact. Pa’s promises had broken as easily as spring ice on a mud puddle. Why hadn’t he seen the truth sooner? He had wasted time and energy waiting for...
A sigh escaped, ending in a sob. He bent his head on his knees and closed the door on that place in his mind that had held fast to a straw promise all these years.
* * *
On Wednesday morning, during the twins’ nap, Annie made bread while Judith ground ham for Matthew’s favorite sandwiches. Judith had brought Eli’s blocks into the kitchen, and he sat under the table, playing with them.
“I didn’t stay awake long enough to say hello to Guy last night.” Annie turned the dough out onto the bread board and started kneading it. “Did you two have a good time?”
“We did,” Judith said, smiling at the memory of how silly they had been. She paused the grinder to cut some more of the ham into the smaller chunks that would fit into the hopper. “But Guy didn’t seem to want to learn anything. He kept saying it was too much like school.”
“I thought you said he wanted to learn Deitsch. It seems like he would apply himself to the task if he really wanted to.”
Judith’s face grew warm at the memory of the look in his eyes when he said he wanted her to kiss him. “Maybe learning Deitsch isn’t what he really wants.”
Annie stopped her kneading. “Do you think he’s interested in you?”
“He shouldn’t be, should he? I mean, he hasn’t joined church, and I’m not going to keep company with anyone who isn’t at least considering it.”
“Maybe you can be a good influence on him.”
Judith fed more pieces of ham into the grinder and turned the crank. She didn’t want to get her hopes up about a future with Guy. Not yet. Not until she knew he wanted more than just a fun time together.
“What do you know about the Kaufman family?” She had turned away from Annie, but heard the small disapproving sound she made.
“I’ve already told you what I think about Luke.”
“But what about the rest of his family? Hannah seems nice.” Judith chewed her lower lip. Hannah was very friendly to her, but her comments about Guy made Judith cautious about a true friendship with her.
Annie put the ball of dough into a bowl and covered it with a clean, damp dishtowel. “Let’s see.” She washed her hands at the sink, staring out the window at the winter-brown fields still covered with snow in the shady places. “Luke’s father has a large farm between here and the county line. Their family has lived in the area since the middle of the last century. They were some of the first Amish settlers who came to Indiana from Pennsylvania.”
“And they’re well liked in the community?”
“Ach, ja.” Annie sat on a chair at the kitchen table.
Eli held a block out for his mother to see, then pounded it on the floor. “Block, block, block.” Then he looked at Judith and grinned.
She grinned back at him. She was growing to love this little boy more each day.
Annie sighed and stretched her back. “The Kaufmans have been leaders in the church for years, according to what Matthew has told me. Luke’s daed is one of the deacons. Why are you asking about them?”
Judith leaned her back against the kitchen shelf, facing her sister. “I think Luke is interested in me.”
“What makes you think that?”
“The way he acted at the Singing. He singled me out to talk to, and he wanted to take me home. Hannah said his courting buggy was new, so I know he wanted to show it off to me.”
“Would you welcome his attentions?”
Judith stared out the window. Luke was handsome, and the family was well established, according to what Annie said. But could she face the future with Luke, knowing how uncomfortable he made her feel? That might change as she got to know him. After all, he had the means to support her and a family, and there was no question about his daed’s commitment to the Amish faith.
Luke was the kind of suitor she had always dreamed of. A man who could change the course of her life.
Judith sat in the chair facing Annie, wiping her hands on a towel. “I don’t want to end up like Mamm, working too hard and never having enough.”
Annie’s face paled. Eli climbed into her lap with a block in each hand, and she made room for him, but her brows puckered. “You mean you don’t want to marry someone like our daed? You want someone who can provide well for you?”
“I don’t want to sound ungrateful or that I’m not honoring Daed’s memory...but I didn’t like him