Aron’s early research from the 1990s shows that around 15 to 20 percent of all people are highly sensitive, although Pluess suggests that the most recent research, in which Aron was also involved, estimates this figure to be around 30 percent. Pluess has also shown that there are three, rather than two distinct sensitivity groups, as previously thought, on a sensitivity continuum: a high sensitive group (31%), a medium sensitive group (40%) and a low sensitive group (29%). So not just “orchids” and “dandelions,” but also “tulips.”20
Aron differentiates high sensitivity from introversion and has been able to show that around 30 percent of all highly sensitive people are, in fact, extroverted.21 This means, of course, that around 70 percent of all highly sensitive people are indeed introverted. Aron believes that high sensitivity can exist alongside a range of other apparently contradictory temperamental and personality traits, such as “sensation seeking.”22 The term sensation seeking was coined by the clinical psychologist Marvin Zuckermann, who has been researching this characteristic since the 1960s. He uses the term sensation seeking to describe people who seek out variety and new experiences, and, according to Zuckermann, it is a trait that is inheritable in 60 percent of cases.23, 24 This characteristic tends to be connected to behaviors that can be described as “adventure-, risk- and excitement-seeking.” Sensation seekers are more quickly bored than other people and thus seek out variety and potentially risky activities more often than other people. They tend to be restless when they find themselves in situations that offer little stimulation or variety. Zuckermann suggests that more men than women are sensation seekers and that those behaviors that accompany this trait tend to be moderated by age. Having a tendency to seek out risk, variety, and excitement, while also being highly sensitive, is something that Aron often compares to having “one foot on the brake, the other on the gas.”25
Aron also differentiates between high sensitivity and neuroticism—the tendency to react anxiously or depressively. Aron believes that highly sensitive people only have a higher risk of developing anxiety, depression, or shyness in life if they had a childhood that involved significantly negative experiences and an environment that badly clashed with their temperaments. The particular malleability of highly sensitive children again plays a decisive role here, specifically the question of how well the attributes, expectations, behaviors, and challenges of a child’s social environment fit their temperament—what in psychology we often call “goodness of fit.” If the fit is good, or good enough, then, according to Aron, highly sensitive children will develop just as well, if not better, than children who are not highly sensitive, which tallies with the research of Boyce, Ellis, Belsky, and Pluess. It is, of course, completely possible that a highly sensitive adult will experience a depressive episode or other psychological problems in life, despite experiencing a safe and loving childhood, but what we can say is that high sensitivity in itself does not automatically lead to an increase in the likelihood of suffering from depression or anxiety.
SUMMARY
My hope is that you now feel that you have a broad enough knowledge about the academic background of high sensitivity and that you are better able to place the concept scientifically. Since the 1990s, high sensitivity, or sensory processing sensitivity, has represented a specific and active field of research that underpins the scientific basis of what Jung was already describing in 1913 as “innate sensitivity.” Around the middle of the last century, this innate sensitivity was described using an array of different terms. High sensitivity has a biological and evolutionary explanation, can be demonstrated in measurable differences in brain activity, and has recently been connected to a range of genetic variations, including in the neurotransmitters (the messengers of our nervous system) serotonin and dopamine.26, 27 For a long time, sensitivity was believed to be equivalent to introversion, despite the fact that we now know that high sensitivity and introversion are two separate things. These two phenomena do often go hand in hand, however, but we also know that around 30 percent of all highly sensitive people display extroverted behaviors in social settings. According to Aron, high sensitivity is a temperamental trait, whereas introversion and extroversion are personality styles that develop over the course of one’s life and describe our social behavior. She thus believes that we are born highly sensitive, whereas introversion and extroversion are learned.
For the sake of our quality of life, our happiness, and our psychological health, it is very important that we are able to recognize whether we are highly sensitive or not. This is the question that we will be addressing in the next chapter, while tackling the typical characteristics and difficulties that highly sensitive men have to deal with in daily life.
Darryl: “For me, the positive aspects of my high sensitivity outweigh the negatives; the advantages and disadvantages are two sides of the same coin.”
Darryl is in his early thirties. He is a musician and is training to be a masseur. His story illustrates how high sensitivity and the characteristics connected to it can be assets. He’s found that aspects of his temperament are useful in his work as both a musician and masseur. And he actively seeks ways to accommodate his temperament; I like that he is seeking out other musicians to play with onstage rather than allowing his stage fright to force him offstage completely. In the interview, Daryl mentions a diagnosis of “social phobia,” and it is important to mention here that there is a difference between high sensitivity and social phobia, because the latter is a psychological disorder, not a temperamental trait (see chapter 4). Social phobia is a distinct fear of being the center of attention in social situations and is accompanied by symptoms of anxiety, avoidant behavior, and distress. This is not necessarily the case with high sensitivity. Of course, it is possible for highly sensitive people to pick up and react more strongly to subtle social stimuli or develop social anxiety more rapidly in the face of negative social experiences than less sensitive individuals. It is also possible to be both highly sensitive and also socially anxious.
When and how did you first notice you were highly sensitive?
In 2008, my cognitive behavioral psychotherapist—who I was seeing about my social anxiety—pointed out that I might be highly sensitive. I believe that my high sensitivity contributed to the development of my social anxiety, but only in interaction with some unpleasant external influences from my childhood. I then read a few books about the subject and was immediately convinced that my therapist was right, because I saw myself in so many of the highly sensitive characteristics described, which I hadn’t previously had any explanation for and which didn’t seem to be completely explained by social phobia.
What are the advantages and the disadvantages of being highly sensitive?
For me, the positive aspects of my high sensitivity outweigh the negatives; the advantages and disadvantages are two sides of the same coin. The “advantages” for me are my rich inner life, my strong fantasies and creativity, my feel for aesthetic things, and the ability to be on my own without feeling bored. I’d also say that I have a very clear sense of justice, that I’m very empathetic, thorough, and conscientious. The “disadvantages” are that I get quickly overstimulated, I’m a perfectionist, I tend to doubt myself and be very self-critical, and I’m sometimes quite hesitant and not very spontaneous. It can also sometimes be a problem that I need time out, to protect myself from too much stimulation, and that I often feel emotionally overwhelmed.
Looking back, what sort of messages or feedback would have been helpful to you?
“If you’re different from other people, that doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you; it means you’re special.”
“Always listen to what your body and your intuition are trying to tell you and stick with that.”
“Your sensitivity is really important for society as a whole. You can do a lot of good.”
“The particular way you see the world is an asset.”
“Feelings are never right or wrong; (we can just deal with them well or less well).”
“It’s