PRESSURE TO SUCCEED
When children are pressurized by parents and teachers constantly to achieve the very best results, and if love and approval are dependent on high performance, some children will internalize these conditions and later live their lives accordingly. Self-worth becomes totally dependent on achievements. Without achievements, they feel that they are nobody and that nobody will respect them. Within these rules there is no room for grey areas; there is only black and white.
CRITICISM
When criticized frequently and in an unconstructive manner, some children will withdraw, hoping to avoid further humiliation by keeping a low profile. They stop trying out new things, become anxious and unconfident in their own abilities and grow up to live their lives trying to please others and gain their approval in an attempt to maintain their own self-esteem.
LONELINESS
When children are shown little or no affection or interest they can grow up without self-worth or confidence in their own validity as human beings. As a consequence, their entry into the adult world of work can constitute an escape from these feelings of worthlessness. In their attempt to justify their existence, they may dedicate themselves over-zealously to their work.
OVERPROTECTION
Parents who do everything for their children prevent them from becoming independent and from having the opportunity to test their strength against the everyday world. This restrictive upbringing can lead to resentment and rebellion, coupled with great fear at what there is ‘out there’. As overprotected children grow up they keep on struggling with the same issues – not wanting to be controlled but at the same time fearing the freedom of being an independent person.
Now that we have looked at the personality types most affected negatively by stress, and some of the factors leading to becoming one of these types, it is time for you to judge for yourself whether you are in fact more prone to stress than most.
QUESTIONNAIRE: CHECK YOUR PERSONALITY STRESS FACTORS
This questionnaire is made up of four categories of questions, grouped together according to the stress types we looked at in the previous chapter. Make a note of each statement that is true for you, giving yourself 1 point for each. Try to do this quickly, without pondering over individual statements for too long.
WHAT ANXIOUS PEOPLE SAY ABOUT THEMSELVES
Others take advantage of me but I feel unable to stop them.
I am very upset by rows, even if they are between other people.
I prefer the devil I know rather than change to something new, even if it could be better for me.
I find it difficult to express my needs to others because I feel this might be selfish and self-indulgent.
Even if the other person has made a mistake, it is me who ends up apologizing.
WHAT STIMULUS-SEEKERS SAY ABOUT THEMSELVES
I get bored easily.
The only way you can further yourself is by taking risks.
I find it difficult to see a task through to the end.
I cannot be bothered with fiddly details.
I could never fit into an environment that required me to do routine work.
I do not like to be tied down in a steady relationship.
My business ventures take precedence over any private matters.
I am always thinking up new projects and ventures.
WHAT AMBITIOUS (A-TYPE) PEOPLE SAY ABOUT THEMSELVES
I am totally dedicated to any task I undertake.
I will always make sure I complete anything I start.
I can focus on my work to the total exclusion of other things.
I often forget to eat because I am so engrossed in my work.
I am only happy when I have a full diary.
I do not have time for a social life unless it is in connection with my work.
I can never really switch off from work.
I find it very difficult to take the initiative, either socially or professionally.
I cannot openly show my emotions, especially not the negative ones like anger or annoyance.
I never seem to get what I want.
WHAT PERFECTIONISTS SAY ABOUT THEMSELVES
I need to have everything ‘just so’.
I plan and carry out any work I do to the highest possible standard.
I greatly dislike it when my daily routine gets disrupted.
I am upset when things are not done as they should be done.
I get very agitated when I am prevented from finishing a job properly; I can only relax when all the ‘t’s are crossed and ‘i’s dotted.
My thoroughness makes me fall behind quite often.
I find myself mulling over how I could have done things better in the past.
When I have made only one small mistake, I have to do the whole job again, no matter how trivial the job itself is.
As soon as I have accomplished one task, I start on the next one.
How many points did you get in each section?
If you have four or more points in any one category, you have a strong tendency towards that personality type.
Very few people are a ‘classic’ specimen of any of the four types, but knowing which of the four you are most similar to can give you a good starting point for understanding what is driving you and how you can make adjustments to reduce your stress levels.
As mentioned in Chapter 1, there are of course many different causes of stress, and what is stressful to one person will not be to another. While it is beyond the scope of this book to describe all the possible causes of stress, this chapter outlines some of the most common culprits.
Stress