“The boppli’s daed—”
“Isn’t it pretty obvious he doesn’t want anything to do with either of us?” She hated the bitterness in her voice, but how could she have misjudged Austin so completely?
“I’m sorry, Katie Kay.”
His sympathy almost undid her. She wasn’t going to cry again. Austin wasn’t worth her tears. If she’d seen that right from the beginning, instead of thinking he was much cooler than the guys she’d grown up with because he had a car and an apartment, she wouldn’t be in the situation she was in. She couldn’t change the past, but it was time to stand up for herself.
“Danki.” She gave him the best smile she could manage.
“What can I do to help?”
She shook her head. “I don’t think there’s anything you can do. Gemma has invited me to stay as long as I need to.”
“I didn’t realize that.” His tone made it clear he wasn’t happy with his business partner’s wife making the offer.
“You didn’t think she’d toss me out, too, did you?”
“No. I know Gemma too well.”
“But you don’t want me to take advantage of your friends, ain’t so?” The Amish phrase fell from her lips as easily as if she’d never been away.
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to.” She stood. “Your opinion is splashed all over your face. Micah, I don’t need your help. There’s nothing you can do to help me.”
“I can marry you.”
Katie Kay stared at him in disbelief. He couldn’t have said what she thought he’d said. Not after what she’d done, both in Paradise Springs and after she left. He knew too many of her faults, and if he’d ever cared about her, she’d squashed any hint of love by telling him to get out of her life.
He must have forgiven her, because he was trying to help her. But that, she knew, was the Amish way. Forgive others for their mistakes and move ahead as if the transgression had never happened. She’d never managed to make it work herself, though she’d tried over and over.
When she didn’t reply, Micah folded his arms over his chest and looked at her with a glacial expression she found impossible to decipher. “You should know one thing before you answer, Katie Kay. I didn’t offer to marry you because of feelings I have for you.”
“Y-y-you d-d-didn’t?” she sputtered, shocked.
“No.” He picked up his hat from the counter. “I offered because I admire your daed, and I don’t want to see him and Mamm hurt.”
“What does Wanda have to do with this?” She considered Micah’s mamm a bit of a buttinsky—a word she’d learned from Austin’s friends—and an inveterate matchmaker.
He stared at her, and emotion returned to his face. It was disbelief. “You really don’t know?”
“Know what?”
“Your daed and my mamm are getting married next month.”
Katie Kay sat again, so hard the chair rocked. She tried to wrap her mind around the idea Daed was marrying Wanda Stoltzfus. They’d been gut friends for years. Wanda often sent a snitz pie home with Daed when he went to the Stoltzfus farm for one reason or another. Apparently he’d really had only a single reason for going to visit. He’d been courting Micah’s mamm.
“I can’t believe it,” she whispered.
“They decided after you left. Reuben has been praying you’d return for the ceremony, so all his kinder will be there.”
She looked at her flat abdomen. “I’m not sure he’ll want me there.”
“If you apologize to him and are married—”
“I’m not marrying you, Micah Stoltzfus! Didn’t I make that clear last year?”
“You did.” He put on his straw hat and buttoned his coat. “And don’t worry. I won’t bother you by asking you again. You’ve made yourself clear tonight. Guten owed, Katie Kay.” Without another word, he walked out of the kitchen. Seconds later, she heard the front door open and close.
She didn’t move as the sound of buggy wheels rolling after a horse faded into the night. She’d handled it wrong. She should have thanked Micah for his offer before she turned him down. He’d been candid when he told her that he was asking her to protect their parents from pain.
Maybe you should have considered his offer. He might not have feelings for you, but you have plenty for him.
“Shut up!” She jumped to her feet and ran into the living room. Turning on the television, she kept pushing the volume button on the remote until the sound of voices and laughter were so loud her ears hurt. But it was useless. Nothing drowned out the truth. She may have lost her best ally as she faced the future alone.
Slowly Katie Kay sank to sit on the Donnellys’ front-porch step. She’d come outside after the family had returned home. She didn’t want to ruin their excitement after their fun evening out, and she was too distressed to try to pretend she was all right.
The chilly evening wind was overwhelmed by the cold sinking deep within her as Micah’s words replayed through her mind. Daed was getting remarried? Why hadn’t someone told her? She wasn’t under the bann. She hadn’t been baptized yet, something she’d avoided discussing each time her daed had brought up the subject, so leaving wasn’t a reason to shun her. Why hadn’t one of her sisters let her know about this astonishing event?
Maybe because she hadn’t written to any of them after she left Paradise Springs and moved to Lancaster. They wouldn’t have known how to reach her.
She hid her face in her hands. While she’d been gone, it’d been easy to convince herself nothing would change here. Wasn’t that one of the reasons she’d gone? Because everything stayed the same day after day while the outside, Englisch world buzzed by at warp speed?
But she was back. If she was in Paradise Springs when the wedding was held, should she attend? Her hand slipped over her abdomen. It was flat. With the right dress, she shouldn’t have to reveal the truth in a month. She could go and see her friends and enjoy a bit of flirting and...
Those days were over. She’d put an end to them when she left Paradise Springs and sought the brighter lights and faster pace of Lancaster City.
And Micah knew the truth. He wouldn’t spread it, but it would be only a matter of time before someone else discovered she hadn’t come home alone.
Again she wanted to ask God why He had arranged for Micah to be the person whose path crossed hers. Was she being punished for being headstrong and curious about the Englischers? Hadn’t Daed taught that their Heavenly Father forgave each of them as He asked them to forgive each other?
The cold air finally drove her inside. She was relieved to discover the family had gone to bed, but loneliness riveted her. Nobody told her their plans, which was a painful reminder that she wasn’t part of this family or any other.
Tears stung her eyes. She kept them from falling as she turned off the light in the living room before creeping up the stairs. Refusing to look in the mirror over the sink, she got ready for bed. She tiptoed into Olivia’s room. The little girl was asleep, her slow, deep breaths loud in the silent room.
Katie Kay crawled into her borrowed bed. The sheets were cool, but the drops running down her cheeks seared her skin. Pressing her face to the pillow, she gave up the battle to hold in her grief.
She was alone. She and the boppli.
God