Standing aside to let the loving assault run its course, Micah couldn’t help envying his partner. Having a house filled with cute kinder and a loving wife who somehow found a way to stand on tiptoe and kiss him over the heads of the excited youngsters would be a true blessing. After seeing his siblings marry and begin to raise families, he’d known it was something he wanted for himself.
As if he’d spoken out loud, the kinder threw their arms around him next, spewing out more of the stories they’d started telling their daed. To them, he was Uncle Micah, though two-year-old Jayden could manage only Mike. He hugged each one in turn, not wanting his anxiety to ruin their happiness.
The kids cheered when Sean announced they were eating out. Gemma smiled, too, but hers was as taut as Micah’s felt. When she glanced at him, she didn’t say anything. It wasn’t necessary. He could tell from her strained expression that the pregnancy test had been positive.
He helped get the kinder into their coats and hats. When he offered to help put them in their seats in the car, Sean shook his head.
“We’ll take care of them. You take care of her.” He gripped Micah’s arm and then herded his wife and kinder out the door.
Micah closed it. Once he heard the car back out of the drive, he went into the living room. Where was Katie Kay?
As if in answer, he heard dishes rattling in the kitchen. He went in.
Katie Kay wore the same jeans, but they’d been washed. Her battered T-shirt had been replaced by a black sweater. It brought out the gold in her hair, which she pulled back with clips that must have belonged to Olivia. One was topped by a red dog and the other a blue cat that was the exact same shade as Katie Kay’s eyes. She had only socks on, and he wondered if her shoes had been ruined in the rain.
“Oh, it’s you,” she said as she closed the cupboard door.
“Hello to you, too.” He put his straw hat on the island and undid his stained work coat. “Sean is taking the family out for supper. A treat for the kinder.”
“Gemma said he might.” Her voice was as unemotional as his. “She told me there are leftovers in the fridge and to help myself. Do you want something before you go?”
“I want to talk to you.”
Her eyes narrowed with suspicion. He’d known he couldn’t fool her with casual conversation. “What about?”
“You.”
“I don’t want to hear how disappointed you are in me or how you believe I should go to my family’s house.” She reached into the refrigerator and pulled out a plastic container with a bright green top. “You’ve made yourself clear on that.”
“Gut, then we can talk about something else. Do you want to talk about you being pregnant?”
Color washed from her face, and the container fell out of her fingers to bounce on the kitchen floor. She grabbed the edge of the counter as he picked up the plastic box and set it beside his hat. Red sauce was leaking out. He pulled a section of paper towel off the roll by the sink and stuck it under the container. He wanted to give her a chance to find her voice, so it wouldn’t feel like he was interrogating her.
“You know about that?” she asked.
“This morning, Gemma told me what she suspected. She’s worried about you.”
“About you, you mean.” She crossed her arms in front of herself in a protective pose.
“You know Sean and Gemma are my friends. Of course they’re concerned about me, but she’s worried about you, too. She’s that way.”
Katie Kay’s shoulders lost their rigid stance. “You’re right. She cares a lot, though I’m a stranger.”
“You’re someone who needs help. That’s all she and Sean have to know. They’re usually among the first to help anyone in the community, whether the person is plain or Englisch.” He gave her a wry half smile. “She told me this morning because she wanted me to help you, too.”
“This morning, I didn’t know for sure.” As fast as her face had bleached, it reddened.
“But you used the pregnancy test and found out you are.”
“Do you know all my secrets?” she cried, flinging her hands in the air and storming past him. “I thought I could trust Gemma to keep her mouth zipped.”
For a moment, she acted as if she intended to stamp out of the kitchen, and he was prepared to give chase because they couldn’t postpone this conversation, especially since a boppli had been added to the mix. When she turned and faced him, he hid his surprise. In the past, Katie Kay had run away from whatever bothered her. Tonight, she held her ground. Another sign she’d changed.
But for the better or the worse?
“Gemma didn’t say anything,” he assured her. “I could tell by how worried she looked.” He looked her steadily in the eyes. “I am concerned, too.”
“I don’t need you worrying about me. I got myself into this situation. I’ll deal with it myself.”
“How?” he fired back, his frustration escaping.
She froze at his sharp question, and, for one moment, it was as if she were a balloon and his words a pin cutting into her. She deflated, and he crossed the room and took her arm before her knees folded beneath her. By the time she tried to pull it away, he’d sat her at the table.
He leaned one hand beside her and caught her gaze again. He was awed by the intensity of the pain and fear in her eyes, but he saw her resolve, too. As he watched, a quiet strength submerged the despair.
“How?” he asked. “How are you going to deal with this by yourself, Katie Kay?”
* * *
That was the question, Katie Kay admitted. Trust Micah to get to the heart of the matter. Her daed admired his frankness, which Micah had inherited from his own daed. It was a gut question, and she wished she had an answer. She and Gemma had talked most of the day when they weren’t entertaining the kinder. DJ went to kindergarten in the morning, and the numbness left by the results of the pregnancy test had started to wear off for Katie Kay by the time the youngster got home.
“Your family will want to help you,” Micah said.
Raising her eyes to his deeper blue ones, she could see he believed what he said. Most likely, he was right, but if she went home, everyone would expect her to fit into the constraints of an Amish woman’s life. Gemma Donnelly had shown her Englischers could be as giving and compassionate as a plain person. Katie Kay had started doubting that when she went to live with Austin and his friends after her nearby Englisch friend’s parents made it obvious she’d worn out her welcome. They’d been fine with her visiting, but they had Amish friends they hadn’t wanted to upset by letting her stay longer.
“It’s not that, Micah.”
“Then what is it?”
How could she explain to a man who’d already been baptized and joined the Amish community? Micah always had an eye on the future, making plans for what he hoped to do. Her daed had mentioned it to her, probably in hopes of convincing her to do the same. But taking such an irrevocable step meant turning away from the wider world.
She wasn’t like Micah. She wasn’t focused on what could happen tomorrow. She wanted to savor today and the exciting things it might contain. What if she did get baptized and there were amazing things in the Englisch world she never had a chance to experience? She didn’t want to miss out.
Austin and his friends had a word for it. FOMO. Fear of missing out. It described her feelings, but, when she looked at Micah’s handsome face—and he’d gotten better-looking in the past year—she doubted he’d understand. Somehow, he’d found a way to strike a balance