“You were special. I have fond memories of you, more than anyone else I’ve ever been with.”
“That’s nice to know, but it doesn’t change anything. You still drifted off the way my dad did. He was always on the road, too. A tractor salesman who blew into town and started romancing my mom. He didn’t disappear right away, though. He used to come and go, even after I was born.”
“So he knew about you from the start?”
“Yes. My mother told him, but he didn’t offer to marry her or get too domestic. He just breezed in and out of our lives, charming us with his tales of being on the road. He used to bring me gifts from all of the places he’d been, little trinkets from his sales routes.”
“Where did he live?”
“Nowhere in particular. He had a travel trailer that he hauled around. He used to say that having a home on wheels was the best way to live.”
Kade squinted, as if he was listening intently to her story. “So what happened? Did he just stop coming around?”
Bridget nodded. “I was seven the last time I saw him, and I remember clinging to him and not wanting to let go. By then, his visits were becoming less frequent and he was hardly bringing any gifts anymore, so I was already starting to feel a sense of neglect. His disinterest in my mom was showing, too. It was foolish of her to wait around for him all those years, hoping that he’d want to marry her someday and turn us into a real family.”
Kade squinted again. “That was a terrible thing for him to do, to disappear like that.”
“He didn’t disappear completely. He called one final time from the road and told my mom that he wasn’t coming back. That it was too much pressure, and he couldn’t handle it.”
“Is that what you thought I would do to Cody? Is that why you didn’t tell me about him?”
“I would have told you if you’d called me. But when you broke your promise and never got back in touch with me, I figured it was better to just keep you out of my child’s life. To me, you were already showing signs of being like my dad. He never made good on his word, either. Even when he was active in our lives, we could never quite count on him. If he said he was coming for Christmas, he would show up on New Year’s instead.”
“I understand why your experiences with your dad triggered concerns about me. But you never even gave me a chance when you found out about the baby. I still don’t think that was fair.”
“Maybe not. But you have your chance now. Only whatever you do, please don’t make promises to Cody that you don’t intend to keep. I couldn’t bear for him go through what I went through.”
“I have no idea what type of relationship Cody and I are going to establish, but I’m not your dad, Bridget. I’m not going to leave without ever coming back.”
“I hope not,” she said, praying with all her might that Kade turned out to be a far better man than she’d given him credit for.
Kade wanted to prove himself. He wanted to do everything right. But the pressure Bridget was putting on him wasn’t helping. He could tell from her expression that she had doubts.
“Were you scared when you first found out you were pregnant?” he asked.
“Are you kidding? I was terrified.”
“I’m terrified, too. Except that I’m becoming a parent to a fifth-grader, instead of a newborn.”
Kade was immersed in all sorts of emotions. Not only would he be meeting his son for the first time, he also had to contend with the fact that he’d been Bridget’s first lover. He’d never been anyone’s first. If he’d known, he might’ve ended it before it had begun. Then again, maybe he would’ve forged ahead anyway. Either way, it altered the experience when the details were clearly different from the way he’d been remembering them.
He said, “I’m trying to make up for lost time, Bridget. But I would’ve been here all along if I’d known that Cody existed.”
“Been here how?” Her blue eyes locked onto his. “Would you have moved to Montana or offered to marry me? Somehow, I don’t see it as having gone in that direction.”
“You’re right. I wouldn’t have done either of those things. But I would have come around to see my son. I would have been his dad, regardless of my loner lifestyle.”
“Like my dad did with me?” she asked, and then winced. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring him up again.”
Troubled by her response, he studied her. Scattered beams of sunlight slipped in from the window, enhancing the blondness of her hair and the fairness of her skin, making her look far too touchable.
Instead of caving in to the silence bouncing between them, he played devil’s advocate, asking her a hypothetical question. “Just for argument’s sake, if I would’ve offered to marry you, would you have even accepted my proposal?”
She frowned. “What kind of question is that, especially when you said it wouldn’t have happened?”
“I just want to know how you would have reacted if I’d done it.”
“Truthfully?” She answered him head-on. “I probably would have accepted.”
He shifted in his seat, realizing the blunder he’d made. He’d expected her to say that she wouldn’t have become his wife, not in any shape or form. “What about your distrustful opinion of me? How would that have factored into it?”
“If you’d offered to marry me, that would have made you seem more trustworthy.”
He tried another tactic. “Even though you barely knew me?”
“Yes, but it doesn’t matter.” She glanced away. “It wouldn’t have worked anyway. Besides, our focus is supposed to be on you getting to know Cody, not on how idealistic I would have been to marry someone who was practically a stranger.”
“Lots of people get married because of babies.” It was the reason his parents had ended up in their disastrous situation, with Kade being the kid they’d conceived. Of course, they’d gone on to have more children before they’d gotten divorced. “It happens all the time, even if it shouldn’t.”
“I know, but what’s the point of talking about it? It’s water under the bridge now.”
“I shouldn’t have brought it up. I have the tendency to speak my mind, even when I should keep quiet. I used to get in trouble for it when I was young. I spent half of my adolescent life in detention. But I acted out purposely because I didn’t want to go home after school, especially when my dad was around.”
“Was your father mean?”
“Yeah. He was demanding as hell, and a lot of his anger was directed at me. I used to stand up to him, and that made him even madder. But I don’t have anything to do with him anymore. None of us kids do now that we’re older.”
“I didn’t even know there were other kids. You didn’t mention them last time you and I were together. Other than saying that you were originally from LA and that you get your Native American blood from your mom’s side, you didn’t tell me about your family.”
“I have a younger brother and sister.” He would’ve preferred to leave his sister out of it, but he couldn’t evade the truth. “Tanner is thirty-three, and Meagan is twenty-five. Both of them are still in California. But it’s not all sunshine and roses out there, not for my sister anyway. She got into some trouble with the law and is serving time.”
Bridget’s eyes grew wide. “She’s in prison?”
He nodded. “She embezzled from the place where she worked. It’s