“I do,” she said.
“Then why are you keeping this ratty old chair?”
Her gaze lowered to the tattered upholstery and he knew the answer without her saying one word. It had been Zach’s chair. She was holding on to anything and everything that had belonged to her brother. Memorializing Zach the only way she knew how.
He almost reached out and brushed a curl off her cheek. Instead, he slid his hands around the armrests. “I miss him, too.”
She jerked her head up, her eyes flashing with anger. “Then why did you shut me out? What are you hiding from me?”
He tensed, not knowing how to explain. “I’m not hiding. Let’s just drop it, Tess.”
“Drop it? Don’t you think you at least owe me an explanation?” Her eyes shot him a dart of hostility.
Yes, but he didn’t respond, forcing himself to be patient. He’d hurt her deeply and she had every right to be upset. Zach’s death had brought him to a standstill. He was haunted by spine-tingling nightmares, recriminations and regrets. But until he figured it out and reconciled it in his mind, he couldn’t move forward. But he couldn’t go backward, either. In fact, he felt stuck in limbo. And it didn’t help that Tessa suspected that Zach’s death was his fault.
Her jaw hardened, her eyes spitting flame. For a moment he thought she might chew him out. Instead, she whirled around and reached for a heavy box. Jerking it free of the trailer, she carried it toward the stairs with a stiff stride.
“Too bad you live on the second floor.” He grunted as he wrapped his arms around the chair and braced the padded sides against the front of his thighs. Waddling like a duck, he wrestled it over to the bottom of the stairs then heaved it up in a hurried rush.
“It’s the one with a view,” she called over her shoulder.
At her apartment door, he set the chair down with a whoof of air and waited for her to insert the key and open the door.
“Were you planning on moving everything in by yourself?” he asked, knowing she could do it. He’d seen her fight fire, after all. In spite of her fragile features, Tessa was a scrapper. She wasn’t overly strong, but she paced herself, using her stamina to work many men under the table.
“I was gonna call Harlie to see if he could help me out,” she said.
Hmm. Sean knew he shouldn’t mind. Harlie was a member of their hotshot crew and a good man. But the guy was also single and nice-looking. Sean had no right to feel jealous, but he did. A lot. And he wished he didn’t.
Within an hour they had the trailer emptied. Sean accepted a drink of water she offered him from the tap in the kitchen. While she busied herself emptying a box, he drained the liquid in three long swallows.
He didn’t ask before he went to work helping her put her possessions away. Since she’d spent three summers living in this apartment, he knew exactly where everything went. He stayed in the kitchen, stacking four plates, glasses and pans into the cupboards. He tried not to remember the many meals they’d prepared and shared at the small wooden table, but it all came back like a rushing flood. The decadent desserts Tessa had made. Zach’s robust laughter as he teased his baby sister. Sean missed the jubilant camaraderie they’d all enjoyed. They’d been so naive and happy then.
Shaking it off, Sean resumed his work. Within another hour they had everything in order. Tessa set her heavy fire pack beside the front door, ready for work in the morning.
“Do you need anything else?” Standing in the middle of the tiny living room, he gazed at the simple but comfortable surroundings and wished he could stay.
“No, I’m good. Thanks for everything. I appreciate it.” She stood nearby, looking up at him with those lovely, magnetic eyes.
He fought off the urge to pull her close against his heart. Every fiber of his being cried out to touch her. To breathe her in. Instead, he slid his hands into his pants pockets and slapped a hard grip on himself. She wasn’t his anymore, and he’d better accept that.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” he said.
She gave one jerking nod and he reached for the doorknob. As he left, he threw a quick glance over his shoulder. She stood right where he’d left her, her eyes mirroring the sadness he felt deep inside.
The following morning Tessa sat in the training room at the hotshot base with the rest of her twenty-man crew. Leaning her elbows on the desk in front of her, she tried to act interested in what the men were saying but couldn’t quite meet that goal. Since all but the superintendent and captain were seasonal employees, they’d been apart all winter long and had a lot to catch up on, but all she could think about was Sean. She hadn’t seen him since yesterday. Or Brian, the crew’s superintendent, and Rolland, their captain. And she wondered what was delaying their arrival.
“Thanks for the eats, Tessa.” Harlie took a big bite out of a chocolate-covered doughnut with pink sprinkles on top. On her way into work that morning, she’d picked up a box of pastries from the local bakery. It was a great morale booster.
The other men added their thanks.
She just smiled and took a sip of her hot chocolate.
“Hey, Tessa. Nice tan. Where have you been all winter? Hawaii?” Dean Clawson waggled his eyebrows at her. As a freshman hotshot, he was new to the squad, and she could already tell he was a big flirt.
She glanced at the man’s sandy-blond hair and pale skin. Within a week, she knew he’d be beet-red with sunburn. But by mid-August, he’d be a sun-bronzed firefighter. Women would be flocking to his door. But not her. Since her breakup with Sean, she wasn’t interested in dating anyone.
“I’ve been in Montana. And I’m afraid that bleached body of yours is gonna fry this summer.” She spoke deadpan, without blinking.
The men roared with laughter.
“Ouch!” Harlie said.
Their joking was all in good fun, but as the only woman on this crew, she had to hold her own with these macho maniacs, or she wouldn’t survive long.
Sean came in from the side office, followed by Jared Marshall, the fire management officer. A tall, athletic man with dark blond hair and dazzling blue eyes, Jared had married Megan Rocklin two months earlier. Megan was the owner of the only restaurant in town and one of Tessa’s best friends. Unfortunately, they hadn’t given a lot of notice about their nuptials. Tessa had been in Missoula going to school at the time and regretted that she’d been in the middle of midterms and unable to attend the wedding. But she’d sent the newlyweds an ornate crystal vase and a heartfelt congratulations note.
Hmm. What was the FMO doing here? And where were Brian and Rolland?
“Good morning, and welcome back.” Jared waved the group into silence while Sean stood leaning against the wall.
To begin, Jared gave a short, motivational speech about working as a team and watching each other’s backs. He then introduced the two newest members of the crew.
Dean and Ace grinned as they stood and bowed gallantly, undoubtedly showing off to hide their insecurities. Knowing they had a lot to learn, Tessa cheered with the rest of the men. Jared waited for the noise to settle down.
“One last item of business before you start your training. I’m sorry to say that Brian has resigned. He got married in January and moved to Portland last week to be with his new bride.”
Pete nudged Harlie with his elbow and smirked as he whispered loudly. “See? I told you so.”
A snicker filtered through the men. Tessa would never understand why they found humor in the simplest of things but realized it was merely a pressure valve for the serious work ahead.