Even though she got much dirtier than this when she fought wildfires, the filth bothered her. She told herself it was because she was traveling and didn’t want to muck up the interior of Zach’s truck. It certainly had nothing to do with her ex-fiancé being here. After all, Sean had seen her many times on the fireline with her face covered in soot. But off the line, she’d always tried to look nice for him. And old habits died hard. Now they were no longer together, it shouldn’t matter. And she reminded herself that she no longer cared what he thought.
* * *
Sean climbed into his truck and started up the engine. Clicking on his seat belt, he waited for Tessa to pull forward and precede him down the road.
She moved out slowly and he wondered if the trip to Minoa might take all day. Then she picked up the pace, as though testing the strength of her truck.
Correction. Zach’s truck. A beat-up old clunker. But the vehicle hadn’t always been that way. Sean remembered the day Zach had bought the truck nine years earlier. It had been ten years old at the time, but still in good condition. Sean had donated several hundred dollars to the cause when Zach came up short. Now Sean couldn’t help feeling as though the truck was partly his. He and Zach had done a lot of traveling in that vehicle. With Tessa sitting between them like the three musketeers.
Now she resented him. He’d seen that clearly in her beautiful emerald eyes, along with a heavy dose of suspicion. And she had a right. He’d hurt her deeply. Abandoning her, just like her father had done when she was a little girl. It didn’t matter that Sean regretted their broken engagement; he wasn’t willing to undo it. If he told her of his regrets, she wouldn’t believe him. She might even laugh in his face. But he wouldn’t put that weapon in her hands. His heart couldn’t take it.
Waves of disgust washed over him. A hefty dose of self-loathing followed in its wake. In spite of his breakup with Tessa, he’d made a promise to Zach when she first joined the hotshot crew. A promise he intended to keep. That he’d keep her safe on the fireline. That he’d always look after her and protect her, no matter what.
This was her last firefighting season before she finished her college education. Then she’d move on with her career. Sean had no doubt she’d be promoted fast. Someone as sharp and talented as her would probably become an assistant fire management officer somewhere. In a few years she’d move up to FMO. Once she was working in an office, she’d be safely out of danger. Then he could move on, too. He’d failed to save Zach, but he wouldn’t fail again. After this fire season, he’d take a quiet desk job, far away from the trees, smoke and flames. Where he couldn’t make any mistakes that might cost someone else their life.
Silently, he yearned for redemption. If only God could forgive him for failing Zach. If only he could forgive himself.
Tessa hadn’t mentioned her brother. Maybe they were both too surprised to see each other like this. Out in the middle of nowhere. Taken off guard.
When Sean had seen her sitting on the side of the road, a surge of exhilaration had swept over him. He had his sources. A mutual friend had told him she’d be driving along this deserted road to Minoa today. Though he hadn’t planned on coming across her, he’d arranged his own itinerary so that he’d be traveling the same route. Honoring the promise he’d made to Zach, just in case she needed him. And it turned out that she had.
Deep inside, he knew it was more than his promise to Zach that had brought him here today. He tried not to care but couldn’t help craving one more glimpse of Tessa’s pert, stubborn nose and flawless complexion, one more breath of her long, coconut-scented hair. It wasn’t just her beauty that drew him to her, but also her spunk. Her grit. Who she was inside. Something he couldn’t explain. A connecting of their spirits.
Nor could he find any respite from the guilt he carried around like a load of bricks in his heart. The psychiatrist he’d visited several times after the fire had said he was suffering from survivor’s guilt and PTSD. Because he’d failed to save Zach, he didn’t believe he could marry Tessa now. How could he look her in the eye every day of their life together and justify why he’d survived but her brother had died?
She had told him once that she thought there was no justification to ever lose a man or woman’s life on a fire. That it always had to be someone’s fault. In this case, that someone was him. She must surely blame him. And he’d feared that her doubts and resentment would simmer inside her until they slowly destroyed their marriage. He couldn’t put either of them through an ugly divorce. Tessa deserved better than that.
He stared at the back taillights of her trailer. She always packed light. Not a lot of encumbrances to tie her down. That was just one thing he liked about this woman. She didn’t require a lot of baggage. But she wasn’t happy anymore. He could see that in her wary eyes. And he couldn’t blame her. It would take a lot more than eight months for her to trust him again and to recover from Zach’s death.
It might take forever.
They stopped in Austin for fuel. Tessa didn’t wait for him before she pulled up to a pump, climbed out and started filling her tank. He knew she was very capable, but the gentleman in him forced him to brush her hands aside. She jerked and almost sprayed him with gasoline. The pungent scent of petro filled the air.
“Sorry! But you shouldn’t sneak up on a girl.” Her face flushed red as a new fire engine.
“I didn’t mean to startle you. I just wanted to help.”
“There’s no need for you to trouble yourself. I can do this,” she said.
“I know, but it doesn’t sit well with me to let you do this chore when I’m close by.” He spoke low and calm, trying not to fluster her. Trying to ignore the tingles of heat shooting up his arm from where their fingers had touched. When they were on the fireline, he had never interceded with her work. But when they were out like this, he felt that filling up her vehicle was the courteous thing to do. Zach had taught him that and so much more.
Inside the convenience store, he bought her a thin piece of jerky and a diet soda. Not because she asked him to, but because he knew they were her favorite traveling foods.
“Thank you.” She didn’t meet his eyes as she took the items and climbed back into her truck. He got the impression she was purposefully avoiding him, and he thought it was just as well.
Two hours later they pulled into Minoa. Population three thousand and eighty-four. Including dogs, cats and gophers. The perfect size for a wilderness hotshot crew base.
Tessa drove past Rocklin’s Diner, the only restaurant in town, to her small apartment three blocks off Main Street. Her trailer bounced lightly over a speed bump as she pulled into a parking space and killed the engine. She tossed a glance over her shoulder and waved him on, but he didn’t go. Knowing she had a trailer filled with heavy boxes to empty before dark, he parked beside her and got out of his truck.
“Now what are you doing?” she asked when she met him at the back of the vehicle.
He flipped the latch on the trailer and pulled the door open wide. “I’m helping you carry your stuff inside.”
She bumped him aside with her hip. “Oh, no you’re not.”
In the past he would have teased her. Tickling her ribs as they jockeyed for position in the trailer. But not now. For two seconds he thought about leaving her alone but couldn’t bring himself to do so. Not when she needed him. It just wouldn’t be right, even if she was looking at him with a most adorable frown.
Gazing into her eyes, he couldn’t help smiling. “You sure look pretty when you’re being stubborn.”
Her mouth dropped open in surprise. In a rush, he wondered why he’d said such a thing. He had no right to flirt with her. Not anymore. The words had popped out before he could stop them.
To