Connie stared at the child, aching, wondering how she could answer that, short of telling Sophie that her father had tried to kill her even before she was born. Sophie should never know that, should never feel that her father hadn’t wanted her, had resented her presence in Connie’s womb so much that he had kicked her there over and over. Only a miracle had prevented a miscarriage or damage to Sophie.
She couldn’t possibly share that with her daughter. On that score, her lips had to remain sealed unto death.
Ethan sat at the table, looking from daughter to mother. “Excuse my butting in, Connie, but the truth is always best. Sophie can handle more than you think.”
“But...” Even as she started to protest, Connie realized that he was right. Lies would only come between them later. But she could limit the truth for now. She had to.
“Okay,” she said finally, looking straight at Sophie. “I ran away from him because it wasn’t good for you. I went to a special home they have for women who have been hit by their husbands. A shelter.”
Sophie nodded, her sleep-puffy eyes wide and attentive.
“But after they helped me get set up in a different home, a place that was supposed to be secret, he followed me home from work one day. Even though the court ordered him to stay away from me. And he hit me so hard I had to go to the hospital.”
“I’m sorry, Mom.” Sophie’s lips were trembling.
“Is that enough, honey? Because the story is ugly.”
“That’s why we came here?”
“Yes. To hide even better.”
“What happened to him? Did he get in trouble for hurting you?”
Connie drew a deep breath, then let it go. “He went to jail.”
“For a long time?”
“Six years.”
Sophie nodded. “But...do you think he would hit me, too?”
“Honey, I wish I knew. I just can’t take the chance.”
Sophie nodded again. Then she said, “I’m tired. I’m going to bed.”
“Hug?”
Sophie came around the table and hugged her mother tight. Then, without a backward look, she disappeared up the stairs to her bedroom.
“God,” Connie breathed. She put her head down on the table and battled an overwhelming urge to cry. “Did you see?” she whispered. “Did you see the look in her eyes? Like something had died.”
Two powerful hands gripped her shoulders from behind, kneading gently. “She’ll be okay,” Ethan said reassuringly. “You’ll see. Kids are resilient. But she needed to know the truth, Connie. Especially if it is Leo going after her.”
“I know, I know.” Every terrible fear that had haunted her for years seemed to be coming to fruition in this horrifying week. Fear that Leo would hurt Sophie, fear that the truth would hurt Sophie, fear that lacking a father would hurt Sophie...
And fear that she would lose Sophie. Always, always that terrible fear.
She lifted her head, unaware that tears trembled on her lower lashes. “I’ve been so afraid I would lose her. I’ve never stopped being afraid of that.”
“I can tell.”
“I guess, until this past week, I never faced the fact that I’d never stopped being afraid of that. Of Leo.”
“Some ghosts just won’t go away.” He stopped kneading her shoulders and sat beside her, drawing her close, as if to protect her.
“I thought it had.” She dashed the tears away. “This is ridiculous. I can’t go on being a prisoner of fear. I’ve got to stand up to it.”
“Isn’t that what you’re doing?”
“Not enough. Not nearly enough.” She clenched her hands, then released them. “I’ve got to find this guy. If it’s Leo, I’m going to teach him a lesson.”
“Be careful what kind.”
She looked at him angrily. “What do you mean?”
“Just be careful. There are lots of ways to teach a lesson, some not so good.”
“I’m not an idiot!”
“But you carry a gun. Just—” He broke off, then shrugged. “Sorry. You don’t need me telling you things you already know.”
A shudder ripped through her. “No, you’re right. I’m not sure I’m fully rational right now. It’s as if...as if a great big gaping wound has been torn open. I’m hurting so bad, and I’m so worried about Sophie. And you’re right, I’m armed. If someone threatened her...”
“If someone threatens her, that’s different. You know it. You’re a police officer. If you need to apply reasonable force, you can and you will.”
“But can I trust myself not to be unreasonable? Right now, I don’t know. Right now, I’m afraid I might not be able to.”
“Right now, you have time to think about what’s going on inside you. To deal with it. You’ll calm down.”
“Sure. Yeah.” She gave a bitter laugh. “I thought for years I was calm. Apparently I was hiding from myself, too.”
“You wouldn’t be the first person to do that.”
“Did you see how she looked when she walked out of here, Ethan? Did you see her eyes?”
“She’s tired,” he said soothingly. “She’s a little kid, and she’s been up all night. Sure, what you told her was probably difficult to swallow, and it’ll take time for her to wrap her mind around it, but most of what you saw was pure fatigue.”
“How can you know that? How can you possibly know that? What if she hates me now? I sent her father to jail!”
He shook his head and caught her chin in his hand, forcing her to look at him. “Listen, Connie. Please listen. She understood that he hurt you bad enough to put you in the hospital. You underestimate her love for you if you think she’s going to turn on you because Leo broke the law and went to jail.”
“What if she doesn’t see it that way?”
“With a mom who’s a cop, I’m pretty sure she understands that. Besides, she’s seven, not three. Bad people go to jail. She knows that.”
“Yeah. Yeah. But other bad people aren’t her dad.”
His expression grew gentle. “She doesn’t know the man, Connie. Her only emotional attachment to him is an attachment to an idea. He’s not real. He hasn’t been with her all these years. He hasn’t taken care of her. Give her a chance to think about it and absorb it. She’ll be okay.”
“You’re so sure.”
“I had less reason to understand, but I did.”
She couldn’t deny the truth of his words. Maybe she really wasn’t expecting too much of a seven-year-old. The questions had arisen, and needed to be answered. If Sophie was wondering, she deserved to know. Connie had always followed the rule that if the child asks, the child is ready to know at least something. She hadn’t dumped gory details on the girl, just a general outline.
“Maybe,” she said finally. “Maybe.”
“Trust your daughter’s love.”
Surprising what a tall order that suddenly seemed to her. Yet she knew that Ethan was right. She would just have to prepare herself for an emotional reaction from Sophie. Because there was bound to be one.
There was always a price, it seemed. Even for the truth.