“I dealt with him once before! Do you know how hard it was to go into a courtroom and describe what he did to me? What I let him do to me?”
“You know better than that. You weren’t responsible for what he did for you. I don’t need to be a shrink to understand how domestic violence works, to understand how helpless and vulnerable it leaves a woman. He tried to blame you for it, but you know better than that, Connie. Or you should. It wasn’t your fault.”
“That’s what everyone says. But I still have to live with the fact that I didn’t leave sooner. That I let it go on so long.”
“If it were easy to get out of those situations, they wouldn’t exist. You get undermined before you know it. And those bastards are really good at making you feel responsible for what they do.”
She looked at him. “How do you know so much?”
“Because I’ve seen it happen. Because I’ve talked about it with other guys. The military has a lot of domestic-abuse counselors. One of them was a friend of mine. He explained it all to me.”
“Okay, so you know the mechanics. But then there are the feelings.”
“Trust me, I know about those, too. Maybe you aren’t ready to make peace with the fact that you were skillfully manipulated and brainwashed. I can understand that. I’m having problems of my own. But that doesn’t change the fact that he was responsible, not you.” He leaned toward her, his eyes burning. “And you are not responsible for what is happening now.”
“I feel responsible!”
“So? That doesn’t make it true. You didn’t ask for this. You did everything you could to avoid it. Now it’s here, and we’re going to deal with it so you can have the life you deserve.”
Something in his expression made her shiver. “You wouldn’t...”
“Yeah, I’m a trained killer,” he said bitterly. “But generally I don’t kill unless I have to. I don’t just get up on Saturday morning and decide it would be a good day for a murder.”
“I didn’t mean that!”
“Maybe not.”
“You know damn well I didn’t. And frankly, if it’s Leo terrorizing me and my daughter, I might kill him before you get a chance!”
They glared at each other across twelve inches of space, nerves and wounds so raw in both of them that it didn’t matter if they were reacting rationally.
Right then and there everything hurt too much to make sense of it.
Then, without warning, something inside Connie shifted. All of a sudden she felt the hysterical urge to giggle. The laugh started bubbling out of her, totally random, totally without reason, and then, only God knew why, she said, “Make love not war.”
His jaw dropped a half inch and his eyes widened; then, just as helplessly, he started laughing, too.
“Where did that come from?” he asked, breathless.
“I don’t know!” She couldn’t stop laughing. “Where did any of this come from?”
Laughter existed only a millimeter from tears, just as hate was the flip side of love. The strongest emotions occupied the same realms, basic and primal, entangled beyond extrication.
Tears began to stream down Connie’s cheeks, and she felt the crash coming. A pit yawned before her, and she didn’t know how to step back from it.
But Ethan knew his way around these emotional pitfalls, maybe because he’d survived so many, presenting a stony facade to the world when everything inside him began to crack.
He reached for her, pulling her onto his lap, wrapping her in his strength, pressing her face to his shoulder. She fit as if the space had been created for her.
Staring over her head at the ordinary sights of a kitchen, he saw, instead, distant landscapes, horrible anguish and suffering.
Life could be such a bitch.
But he knew one thing for certain: if he never did another thing with his life, he was going to make this woman and her child safe from this creep.
It was as solemn a vow as any he’d ever taken, filling his heart, touching his soul, giving back purpose and meaning where they had been stripped away.
No matter what it took.
Connie’s laughter had given way to tears, but copious though they were, they fell silently, as if her body were too exhausted to do more than weep. The shoulder of his shirt grew damp, then sopping, as Ethan continued to hold her.
Calm returned slowly, finding its way back one quiet step at a time. Finally Connie lifted a hand and wiped her cheeks. “Sorry.”
“No need.” He didn’t want to let go of her. He wanted to keep her right where she was, as if it were the only way he could protect her. And maybe himself.
Nor did she seem eager to escape his embrace. She rested against him, within the circle of his arms, as if she had found a measure of peace at last.
That wouldn’t remain. It never did. But for now, neither of them risked disturbing it.
Reality had its own rules, however, and at last, with a sigh, Connie slid from his lap and back into her own chair. She reached for her coffee, found it cold and went to get a fresh cup.
“Thank you,” she said quietly.
“If you can’t hunker down with your friends in a firefight, when can you?”
“That’s an interesting analogy.” She returned to her seat and sipped the coffee.
“This situation qualifies.”
“I guess it does.” She shook her head, as if trying to wipe away a thought, then looked at him with a pallid smile. “I usually cope better.”
“With something like this? I suppose you have a whole lot of experience with this kind of thing?”
At that, her smile broadened a shade. “No, I guess I don’t. If Sophie weren’t involved... But why even think about it? She is involved. That’s what’s killing me.”
“Of course it is. Most of us worry less about ourselves than we do about those we care for.”
“You’re right.” A shiver passed through her—a release of tension, he guessed. “Time to stop being hysterical and start thinking.”
He nodded when she looked at him, waiting to hear what she had to say.
“I’m going to start by calling Enid and telling her she doesn’t have to call me on and off all night as long as everything is okay. Because I’m damned if I’m going to answer the phone again.”
“I could answer for you.”
“No. I don’t want to give the creep the satisfaction.” Rising, she went to the wall phone and dialed Enid’s number. In the background, mayhem still reigned.
“Okay,” Enid said. “If you’re sure. These girls are so wound up, I can guarantee you they won’t crash before dawn. And the cops keep prowling around. I think they’re making me more nervous.”
“I appreciate everything, Enid. I really do. But I need to start focusing on why this guy called me and what I should do about it, and honestly, I’d rather not be answering the phone tonight.”
“I can see why, honey. Don’t give the crud the satisfaction. And if you get concerned, just call. Like I said, we’re going to be up