‘You can still do that. Just not tomorrow.’
The small squeak from the crib was a welcome distraction from having to face a reality that had very scary blank patches. Ellie reached into the crib and gathered her daughter into her arms, holding her close enough to bury her face against her body for a moment.
The rush of love she felt for this tiny creature was enough to bring tears to her eyes and feed a seed of determination. She had someone more important than herself to think about now. Someone she loved who would love her back. As she carried the baby to the towel on the bed in preparation to change her nappy, Ellie had a moment of clarity that was as welcome as the distraction had been.
It didn’t matter that Marcus was her father. Maybe she would even thank him one day for being responsible for this incredible gift. Max had been right. Anything negative on the paternal side had most likely been due to nurture, not nature. This little girl was going to be brought up with the kind of love that would make her into a person Ellie knew she would be very, very proud of.
She was already. Taking hold of two tiny hands, Ellie bent to kiss her baby.
‘Isn’t she beautiful?’
‘Yeah.’ The word was gruff. Not that Ellie looked but she wouldn’t have been surprised if Max had glanced over his shoulder to make sure no one overheard.
Not that she was fooled. He might have tried to hide it over the last few days, with that casual dropping in to see how things were going, but Ellie hadn’t missed the sidelong glances into the crib or at the bundle in her arms. He might shrug as though it was unimportant when he was offered a cuddle but she hadn’t seen him refuse one yet. And there’d been that time when Mouse had been crying and crying and Max had turned up and taken her and she’d snuggled in to his chest and settled.
There’d been more than satisfaction in the look Max had bestowed on the baby he’d held and the look had gone on for long enough for Ellie to recognise it as the kind of connection she had found in breastfeeding. And what about that shower of gifts for her one-week birthday this morning? She was wearing one of the tiny stretch suits now and Ellie eased the small legs out, bending again to kiss a miniature foot.
She hadn’t known Max very long at all but she owed him her life and the chance to start again properly and she loved him for that along with everything he’d done since then. As a friend. She wasn’t in love with him.
But she could be. Heavens, this was turning into a series of revelations. Was it just that she was well on the road to recovery now and her brain was waking up? Yes. It would all be all too easy to fall in love with Max McAdam and what would that get her? A broken heart, that’s what.
She’d seen the way women looked at him and knew why they looked that way. He was gorgeous and successful and she knew better than any of them how kind he was. He could have anyone he chose so why on earth would he be interested in someone as ordinary as her? Someone with someone else’s child in tow, what’s more, and she knew better than most what kind of heartache that could result in.
She didn’t dare look at him for a minute. Just in case she found herself looking for something it would be very unwise to look for. Like the possibility that she was wrong. That there might be a scrap of hope that he could be interested. She needed a new distraction.
‘She really does need a proper name,’ she said, rolling up the dirty nappy to discard.
‘That’s what I came to talk to you about.’
Oh, help. As if she could get her head around explaining why she wasn’t going to accept his offer of marriage when she was trying to suppress the knowledge of how easy it would be to fall in love with this man.
‘I meant a first name. Can’t see myself enrolling her at school as Mouse.’ Ellie tried to make light of changing the subject. Cleaning the small bottom in front of her was helping. ‘It needs to be a special name, though.’
‘What’s your mother’s name?’
‘Joan.’
‘Oh…’ Max was watching as she put a clean nappy in place. ‘That doesn’t sound right.’
‘No.’
‘How ‘bout your grandmother?’
‘Beatrice.’
‘That’s not so bad.’
‘Except that she disowned my mother when she became an unmarried mother.’
‘Oh.’ Was he going to make a comment about history repeating itself? Ellie hoped not. ‘There must be someone that’s special. A name that you’d like to honour?’
Ellie looked up. ‘Yes.’ Her heart gave an odd little flip. ‘You’re right. There is. Someone I have no idea how to thank.’ She smiled at him. ‘I’m going to call her…Maxine.’
The look on his face was priceless. ‘Are you kidding me? No. You can’t do that. It’s totally wrong for her.’
Ellie had picked up Mouse again. ‘Maybe I was kidding about the name but I wasn’t joking about having no idea how to thank you.’ Suddenly the words fell into place easily. ‘You’ve done so much for us, Max, and I can’t believe you offered to marry me. I really appreciate the offer but I can’t do it. It’s…’ He’d even given her words to borrow. ‘Totally wrong.’
‘But what are you going to do tomorrow?’
‘Find a motel, I guess. Just for a week or two until I’ve got myself sorted out properly.’
Max shook his head. ‘No way. You’re not a hundred per cent yourself. I won’t let you do that.’
‘This is my life, Max,’ Ellie said gently. ‘My responsibility. You can’t stop me doing what I want to do.’
‘Wanna bet?’ Max could feel himself scowling at her. ‘I’m a consultant on staff here. You think they won’t listen to me when I tell them you have nowhere to go that’s suitable for a convalescent mother and a neonate?’
Ellie was biting her bottom lip. Mouse was rubbing her nose against her T-shirt and making noises that emphasised her need for some dinner.
‘I’ll have to go to my mum’s, then.’
‘And where’s that?’
‘A little town near the bottom of the Coromandel peninsula. Couple of hours by bus from the airport.’
Max shook his head. ‘You can’t travel that far yet. You’ve had adult respiratory distress syndrome, Ellie. Your lungs still need time to recover properly. Flying anywhere is out of the question.’ He wasn’t sure it was contraindicated but delivered in such a decisive tone, it certainly sounded plausible and it should work as a means of preventing Ellie just getting on a plane and vanishing from his life.
What are you doing? The small voice in his head sounded astonished. Wasn’t this the perfect way out? He could almost hear Rick and Jet applauding the voice but Max was determined to argue. She wasn’t going to marry him and that was fine. Oddly disappointing but probably for the best given the kind of potential unseen complications Rick had enlightened him with. But to just vanish into nowhere? Not acceptable because…because…
‘How did Marcus trace your whereabouts last time?’
Ellie went pale. ‘OK. No flying, then. I’ll get a car. I’ve got enough money saved to keep us going for a while.’
‘A three-day journey with a week-old baby? For goodness’ sake, Ellie, what are you trying to prove? I’ve got a spare room and it’s no big deal.’ Max stalked towards the window and then turned, rubbing his forehead as he took a quick glance at the