“I know. She does know we’re here because her family is in this area. She knows she’s going to see you.”
They got out and headed across the hospital parking lot, side by side, not touching. Even though his hand didn’t reach for hers, Jana felt stronger just having him with her. She’d been alone in this battle for over a year. Having Blake at her side meant someone to lean on, even if she couldn’t reach out to him.
He would help make decisions. He would be the strong voice she couldn’t always be. And maybe, just maybe, they would be friends someday.
Together they walked through the doors of the hospital, leaving behind the heat of an early Oklahoma evening. The cool, antiseptic world of the hospital greeted them. A lady at the desk smiled and asked if they needed anything.
Blake looked at Jana. “I’m assuming you know where we’re going.”
“Of course.”
He followed her to the elevator. They stepped inside. Jana pushed the button and looked at Blake. She could see the pulse in his neck. As frightened as she was, she knew he had to be reeling right about then. She knew he’d searched for them. She knew he loved, had always loved, Lindsey. It had been her own selfish fears that had caused her to flee with their daughter.
She had to make it up to him, and to Lindsey. Regret welled up inside her and without thinking she reached for his hand. She held it tight as she looked up at him.
“I am sorry.”
He nodded. The doors opened. Jana led him through the corridor and to the locked door of the children’s ward. Clowns and balloons were painted in bright colors, making it look like a happy, fun place and not a place where sick children fought to get well.
“I can’t believe this.” His voice broke.
“I know.”
“She was just a baby, Jana.”
She pushed the intercom and told the nurse on the other end her name. The door buzzed and Blake pushed it open. Jana remembered the only other time they’d gone to a hospital together. She’d been in labor. He’d been so excited. They’d been crazy in love.
They walked to the room at the end of the hall. The door to the room was closed. Their daughter was inside, waiting for Jana to return, and not knowing that Blake would be with her. Jana reached for Blake’s hand. He didn’t resist. She laced her fingers through his.
“Blake, she’s small. She’s frail.”
He exhaled and then nodded. She reached for the door and his hand slipped from hers. As she pushed the door open, he removed his hat. He was strong again. He didn’t need her to prepare him or to lend him strength.
They walked through the door into the darkened room, slivers of sunlight filtered through the blinds. The television played on mute. Lindsey—dark haired, pale and tiny—opened her eyes and turned her head to smile at her mother.
Jana watched as Lindsey’s eyes widened. Her mouth opened as she stared first at Jana and then at Blake. Jana’s heart broke all over again as she soaked in the reality of what she’d done to her daughter. All those years ago she’d been scared and selfish; she’d made a decision without thinking about the people whose lives would be affected by her choices.
Blake walked toward the bed. “Lindsey.”
Their daughter watched him, her lips trembling but forming a smile.
“I remember riding a horse with you.” Lindsey whispered the words, then without hesitation Blake was at her side, gathering her carefully into his arms.
Jana stood a short distance away and watched as the strongest man she’d ever known held their daughter and cried. She had hurt him, and she knew that not being able to heal their daughter would hurt him all over again. Because that was Blake. He was a man who fixed things.
She knew that about him. Even after years of running around the world, she had known that Lindsey’s greatest chance of survival would happen here, in Oklahoma, with Blake Cooper. For Lindsey’s sake, Jana could face Blake’s wrath. She could face what being near Blake would do to her heart.
Chapter Two
Blake held his daughter’s frail body gently. She’d been a toddler the last time he’d seen her. He still remembered that day. He’d looked back at her as he walked down the steps of their house, heading for a meeting in Oklahoma City. She’d stood at the door and waved a pudgy little hand, grinning, a bite of cookie in her mouth and chocolate on her chin.
“I missed you so much, ladybug.” He whispered the nickname against her dark hair.
“I think I missed you, too.” She spoke with a soft accent. He remembered her voice. She’d had a Southern drawl, even on words like cookie. Now it was more English and unfamiliar to his ears.
Behind them, Jana sobbed. Blake didn’t turn to look at her. He couldn’t.
“We’re going to get you better,” he promised, as he settled Lindsey back in her bed, pulled the blanket up to her chin and then kissed the top of her head.
“I know.” Her voice sounded thin, weak.
“I mean it.”
She smiled up at him. “I know that I’ll be okay.”
Blake’s throat tightened at the look of confidence and assurance his twelve-year-old daughter gave him. She wanted him to believe she’d be okay. He would make sure she was.
He settled in the chair next to the bed, reaching for her hand. Jana took the seat on the other side, close to the window. She watched them together. Blake tried to ignore her presence. He couldn’t. Somehow their gazes connected. More like clashed. She smiled a little and he nodded, trying not to be touched by that smile, by the regret he saw in her expression.
It was ironic, really. He wanted her to be sorry, to feel guilty. And yet he didn’t want to believe that she meant it. He wasn’t ready to think good things about her. He definitely didn’t want to still be attracted to her. Leftover emotions were bubbling up inside him as he remembered how much in love he’d been with her.
Lindsey moved, drawing his attention back to the bed. She looked up at him, her face thin, her skin sallow in the dim light of the room. She didn’t smile but her hand tightened on his. “Why didn’t you come see me?”
After years of searching for her, he didn’t know how to answer that question. Did he tell his daughter that her mother had kept her from him? As angry as he was, he couldn’t do that. He wouldn’t do that. Jana would have to tell Lindsey the truth. It wouldn’t be easy for any of them. But he wasn’t going to be the one to turn daughter against mother.
“I think we’ll talk about that later.” He eased out the words, knowing it didn’t make sense and Lindsey would question him. “Why don’t you rest?”
She nodded and her eyes drifted closed. “You’re not leaving?”
“They couldn’t drag me away.”
Her eyes opened again. “I’d like to ride a horse when I’m better. Mom says there are a lot of horses in Oklahoma.”
“Yes, there are.”
She squeezed his hand once and then her grip loosened and she slept. Blake looked up as Jana moved to sit on the empty bed behind his chair, closer to him. Too close.
“Have you told the doctors that she has family here?”
“Yes.” Jana scooted onto the bed, sitting with her feet dangling, her hands clasped in her lap. “They’ll have to test you to see if you’re a match. Blake, it won’t be easy.”
“I know that.”
“You